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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm right to call social services aren't I?

99 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/04/2019 01:22

I am sure I am but questioning myself after some comments made to me.

Long story but the short (and for reasons that will become clear, non outing) version is that a vulnerable adult came into my place of work today. After some digging myself and a colleague found out where he lived, a warden controlled flat so no restrictions on going out etc. Miles away from where I work. It was immediately obvious that his health condition means he should no longer be living without more support. He was underdressed in a fairly major way, and didnt know where he was.

I contacted the people who run the facility who contacted his family. A family member came out and was frankly vile. They got him into the car park and was literally screaming at him. That he is an embarrasment, was selfish and didnt care what problems he caused them. It was absolutely horrible. I couldnt intervene as I couldnt leave the building.

I called the facility back and told them what had happened and asked if there was anything they could do and they have passed the information on to his carers who go in several times a day, but that isnt enough is it?

I want to call SS on Tuesday and ask them to a) look into whether he is i the proper setting for his needs and b) whether there is abuse going on as it certainly seemed that way to me. He is known by some people and I have been told that after he went into this flat the family member sold his house and has been living a life not usual to someone on their income, and significantly different to the lifestyle they had before. I know that is hearsay but having seen what I did today, I wouldnt be surprised to find out they were taking his money.

But, despite all this I am being told I should "stay out of it, its none of our business" but surely it is?! When a vulnerable person is verbally abused in public, what the hell will they do in private? Another family member who didnt stop the verbal abuse, just stood and watched, is very involved with something at my place of work so if it came out that it was me who had called SS there would be ructions, but I still feel I have to. I was told I shouldnt risk my job for this man.

I am doing the right thing aren't I?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 22/04/2019 01:25

But, despite all this I am being told I should "stay out of it, its none of our business" but surely it is?!

It is everyone's business when a vulnerable person is being abused. Write down as much as you remember of the exact words used right now so that you can tell SS exactly. There will be an out of hours service as well to call now.

Greensleeves · 22/04/2019 01:27

Yes, you're absolutely right. Trust your instinct.

AwdBovril · 22/04/2019 01:28

That poor man. Yes, you are right to report your concerns. I would.

Redshoeblueshoe · 22/04/2019 01:29

Yes you are right x

MissPollyHadADolly19 · 22/04/2019 01:29

If you had seen a child being treated in this way people would be demanding you call SS. I don't know why it's any different when a vulnerable adult is mistreated tbh.
Do what you feel is right OP.

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 22/04/2019 01:31

I knew I was right but you know when enough people say "Oh stay out of it" you start questioning yourself?

I think that one person in particular doesnt want me to get involved because he helps organise the thing that the other family member, who watched and did nothing, is involved in and doesnt want any fall out.

But thats no reason to not do something is it?

OP posts:
CheshireChat · 22/04/2019 01:32

PyongyangKipperbang I vaguely remember you work somewhere that deals with alcohol so this person shouldn't even be where you work.

If it's just someone who's lost their rag once and they're caring relatives the rest of the time they shouldn't have any issues, in fact it might get them a bit more support. Otherwise...

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 22/04/2019 01:36

Cheshirecat

He just turned up, I gave him a cup of tea!

When I told my colleague that the facility where contacting his family member he rolled his eyes and said "Oh they wont come, they hate him" He said that in his opinion the family member is just waiting for him to die so they get the money.

So no, I dont think that they are normally supportive.

OP posts:
nettie434 · 22/04/2019 01:39

Definitely call them. Ask for the safeguarding adults team. I think you can make reports anonymously, although it is possible that the person’s family would work it out because of timing. Also, what is the housing provider and care worker agency doing if the person is going out unsuitably dressed and unaware of what is going on. It may go beyond the family you saw being verbally abusive to the person.

LillithsFamiliar · 22/04/2019 01:41

I think you need to separate what you witnessed from the gossip because you're repeating a lot of gossip here and it's frankly irrelevant. The most important part imo is an assessment of the setting.

CheshireChat · 22/04/2019 01:42

It's ok, I didn't assume you'd give him alcohol!

It does sound like his family is horrible to him so you've done the right thing IMO. I wonder if they're not interested in getting him more support because that would impact their inheritance.

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 22/04/2019 01:47

I mentioned the gossip because I was very sceptical that anyone would be that horrible to a vulnerable adult with this mans problems. I was genuinely horrified to see what I did, and made me think that I could see where the gossip was coming from, true or not.

I wont mention the gossip at all to SS, just what I saw and what my concerns are. My main concerns are the abuse that happened in front of my eyes, and the fact that this persons needs are clearly not being met in an independent living situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 22/04/2019 01:47

I wonder if they're not interested in getting him more support because that would impact their inheritance

I wondered that too.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 22/04/2019 01:48

YES you are.

It is good you care enough to do this. Yes, it is your place to report it. People who say stay out of it are the exactly same people who would want someone to intervene on their behalf when they are being ill-treated (because we all would).

brizzlemint · 22/04/2019 02:13

Insomnia can fuck off.

justilou1 · 22/04/2019 02:24

Well done! It is so nice to see someone do the right thing for once. I hope that it is followed up and this man is moved for his own protection.

FireFighter999 · 22/04/2019 02:38

You are doing the right thing by safeguarding a vulnerable adult.

Humpy84 · 22/04/2019 03:03

Yes you know it’s the right thing to do. It’s noble, brave, protective and prudent of you.

The health and well-being of another is the exception to, Never stick your beak into people’s gossip or personal lives.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 22/04/2019 03:24

despite all this I am being told I should "stay out of it, its none of our business" but surely it is?

Safeguarding is everybody's business. Wether thats safeguarding a child, a teen or a vunerable adult.

I've worked in a organisation that works with vunerable adults and there pisters up reminding everyone of this.

Your colleuge/friend is very wrong.

vaguely remember you work somewhere that deals with alcohol so this person shouldn't even be where you work

Say er what????? Just because this perso is a vunerable adult they shouldnt be allowed some where they sell alcohol. Sorry. But i'm a vunerable adult - i go to pubs, sports grounds, concert arenas. I even buy my own alcohol in tescos round the corner.

Sorry but the idea just because someone has a disablity means they shouldnt be allowed to be some where they serve alohol is demeening.

Aimily · 22/04/2019 03:28

You are totally right in contacting ss. He deserve better treatment than what you have witnessed, no one should be shouted at and called an embarrassment, it's cruel and unfair.

Gingerkittykat · 22/04/2019 03:39

I would have possibly called the police to report the abuse that you saw. I know they have teams which work with vulnerable adults so may be able to act.

I would also report what you have been told about the finances. It may not be accurate but may be financial abuse.

blackcat86 · 22/04/2019 03:39

Contact SS (most council websites make it clear how to report abuse) and tell them a) what you witnessed and why you are concerned b) what you heard and the extra gossip. Be clear where it came from I.e. someone in the shop said they are just waiting for him to die so they can get all of his money. Then SS can investigate.

ABC1234DEF · 22/04/2019 04:28

If that's how they behave in public, how do they behave behind closed doors?

julensaor · 22/04/2019 04:39

There is a lack of detail in your post and you need to be clearer, in what sense did you feel he was vulnerable? He may have been underdressed, and not with it... but in your opinion why was he underdressed?

Dana28 · 22/04/2019 04:42

The family are pissed off at having to be dragged out in an Easter sunday.They don't have a duty of care to him.you don't know what is going on.was he drunk?
He might have been confused because of the heat, or maybe an infection.
It is difficult for social services they cannot usually force an assessment on someone who doesn't want one