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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I'm right to call social services aren't I?

99 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/04/2019 01:22

I am sure I am but questioning myself after some comments made to me.

Long story but the short (and for reasons that will become clear, non outing) version is that a vulnerable adult came into my place of work today. After some digging myself and a colleague found out where he lived, a warden controlled flat so no restrictions on going out etc. Miles away from where I work. It was immediately obvious that his health condition means he should no longer be living without more support. He was underdressed in a fairly major way, and didnt know where he was.

I contacted the people who run the facility who contacted his family. A family member came out and was frankly vile. They got him into the car park and was literally screaming at him. That he is an embarrasment, was selfish and didnt care what problems he caused them. It was absolutely horrible. I couldnt intervene as I couldnt leave the building.

I called the facility back and told them what had happened and asked if there was anything they could do and they have passed the information on to his carers who go in several times a day, but that isnt enough is it?

I want to call SS on Tuesday and ask them to a) look into whether he is i the proper setting for his needs and b) whether there is abuse going on as it certainly seemed that way to me. He is known by some people and I have been told that after he went into this flat the family member sold his house and has been living a life not usual to someone on their income, and significantly different to the lifestyle they had before. I know that is hearsay but having seen what I did today, I wouldnt be surprised to find out they were taking his money.

But, despite all this I am being told I should "stay out of it, its none of our business" but surely it is?! When a vulnerable person is verbally abused in public, what the hell will they do in private? Another family member who didnt stop the verbal abuse, just stood and watched, is very involved with something at my place of work so if it came out that it was me who had called SS there would be ructions, but I still feel I have to. I was told I shouldnt risk my job for this man.

I am doing the right thing aren't I?

OP posts:

Underhisi · 22/04/2019 07:52

Absolutely report what happened but any thoughts about where the person should be living are not relevant and should be kept out of it.

stucknoue · 22/04/2019 07:57

Report it, they may or may not act on your information, but you know that you did report what you saw. I've done this several times, adult social services have always thanked me and followed up - the family may not want to admit the seriousness.

Mix56 · 22/04/2019 08:05

Yes, Please do report it.
This could be any one of us later.

Dothehappydance · 22/04/2019 08:11

I work in a setting that often comes up against safeguarding issues. My manager always says 'It is our duty to report, it is SS duty to investigate'

Report it, tell them what the incident was and also mention the gossip. They will then do their part.

Mog6840 · 22/04/2019 08:13

I have a close family member who has severe MH issues and is in a residential care/warden controlled place probably much like this person.

You are right to call the home and no doubt they will inform his social worker. It wouldn't hurt to ring SS yourself to make sure it is being taken seriously. Don't tell anyone else you are doing this and you won't have any repercussions at work.

If this person has money behind them I can guarantee that money is being used already to pay for his living/care and it will be used until it runs out or they pass away. My family member is in that situation and it is very expensive. That won't be the reason why he's not in a more adequate living arrangement. If the family were concerned about inheritance they wouldn't have him living somewhere like that. They are probably generally uncaring.

Unfortunately there just aren't the right places available and his current situation is probably the best he can expect. Which is very sad.

Good on you for being so caring.

PregnantSea · 22/04/2019 08:18

Yes, you absolutely should call them. If he is being properly looked after and today's shouting was just a one off then they have nothing to worry about. Social services will know it any action needs to be taken.

GirlcalledJack · 22/04/2019 08:22

I would suggest calling SS and the police tbh.

SnuggyBuggy · 22/04/2019 08:23

You've done the right thing

FaithInfinity · 22/04/2019 08:31

You’re definitely doing the right thing. You’re speaking up for someone who can’t do it for themselves.

There’s a variety of reasons OP might think this adult is vulnerable (such a MH issues, visible disability), she doesn’t need to divulge here as it might be outing but clearly she if she believes he might, it’s worth reporting.

Lalliella · 22/04/2019 08:36

Definitely report, and definitely mention the gossip. Say you’ve heard it and you’re not sure if it’s true. SS will investigate with an open mind.

BettyDuMonde · 22/04/2019 08:44

You are doing the right thing, definitely.

FookMeFookYou · 22/04/2019 08:48

Safeguarding of the vulnerable is everyone's business. Absolutely the right thing

Aeroflotgirl · 22/04/2019 08:49

Yes it is your business, this man is vulnerable just in the same way as a child is, you would not ignore that if it was happening to a child, same thing to a vulnerable adult. Yes imagine that is going on when you can see it, I dread to think what is happening behind closed doors poor man .

Happygolucky009 · 22/04/2019 08:51

It's a tough decision but safeguarding is your responsibility and if something doesn't sit right, contacting ss is like asking for someone's professional opinion. I made a public safeguarding concern about a young child, I was in a public place and everyone else seemed to consider the situation "normal" I made the phone call and the next time I saw the family, it was completely different so presume ss had helped to resolve. Whilst I debated about making that call, I am glad I did !

ButtonMoonLoon · 22/04/2019 08:56

Please contact the Police as well as Social Services

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 22/04/2019 08:57

I’d report it all, firstly your observations and secondly the hearsay/gossip.

Why would telling the truth put your job at risk?

scubadive · 22/04/2019 08:57

Yes definitely and I would also mention what your friend said, it adds context, otherwise the family member could just say it was a one off, they were upset, worried etc. In the same way a parent could shout at a child who wanders off and gets lost, out of absolute love and concern and so stressed about the missing person (not right but does happen). The family member could put a completely different spin in it without the context.

Abbazed · 22/04/2019 08:57

Your local council have an out of hours number

pinkstinks · 22/04/2019 09:01

Yes - safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility.
Best way of sense checking for adult safeguarding:

Are they a vulnerable adult? (Or do you believe they are - you don’t need proof)

Are they at risk of harm?

Are they unable to protect themselves from this harm.

If yes - then report - the triage teams job is then to assess and “make enquiries” on the info you have provided so give as much as you can.
Well done.

Oakmaiden · 22/04/2019 09:09

When in doubt, make a report. Always better to report unnecessarily than not report when it is needed.

frumpety · 22/04/2019 09:14

Yes I would safeguard this. More so because he has managed to get so far from where he lives, underdressed and with no understanding of where he was.

The relative thing is awful, and they were wrong to treat him as they did. There may be a massive back story which does not exonerate their behaviour but may go some way to explaining it. Or they may just be unkind people.

Scarcelyburnt · 22/04/2019 09:17

You are right. If you don't report it, it will bother you for the rest of your life and on your deathbed you'd wonder why you didn't have the courage to do it. It's small acts like this that matters to us in the end.

Do not turn a blind eye. It always breaks my heart to the extreme when I hear about people suffering abuse, others knowing about it and doing nothing to help.

As a society we need to change that mentality. We must get involved. It's the human and right thing to do. You're a decent person. Trust your instinct.

PrincessButtockUp · 22/04/2019 09:22

You should definitely report it. If it's a one off, no action will be taken. If I

PrincessButtockUp · 22/04/2019 09:24

Darn, pressed post too soon!

If it's highlighted an issue, it's a chance for the family / person to get more help.

If it's repeated behaviour, it may well be added to other reports and build a picture that SS can act on.

As someone said earlier, safeguarding is everyone's responsibility.

bookwormish · 22/04/2019 09:25

Social worker here. Safeguarding is everyone's business and if something doesn't feel right, report to Adult SW who can investigate the abuse from family member.

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