To ask if any alcohol loving drinking party animals who are now teetotal or practically teetotal their experiences?

[fortunatelynot]

Just that really.....I know this doesn't sound like a major thing but I used to love drinking and the socialising and partying that came with it throughout my teens, part of my twenties and thirties. A couple of years ago I got sick of the hangovers and feeling depressed after drinking and cut back. Dp and I have fallen into a leisurely stay at home more or less teetotal existence regarding our social life. I went out today to just have a few drinks in this beautiful weather and it made me feel weepy, tired and basically shit so I stopped.

This sounds really naff but as somebody whose life was partly defined (sad I know) by this lifestyle, I feel a bit, well, lost. Dp doesn't get why I even think about it and just says I must have come to a point in my life where I am just sick of it. He has cut back massively on his drinking BUT if he does have a drink, he enjoys it, wakes up hangover free the next day and all is good. I know I shouldn't give it another thought but I also know that it is on my mind as to why I have changed so drastically.

I have also learned ( sadly) that alcohol used to make me a bubbly, outgoing, carefree and energetic woman (at the time I was drinking it). Now, if I do go out in pubs etc, I feel withdrawn and anxious. I also feel a little nostalgic - when dp and I met, we met in a pub(!) and had some great times at the bar. I almost feel like I have lost that carefree aspect of our relationship.

I'm not sure where I am going with this but just wondered if anybody had had any similar experiences?

@BlueJava
Snap! Migraines stopped me drinking.
I don't mind though as I can drive and it's nice not feeling like shite the next day

OP are you me? This is exactly my relationship with booze since I had kids. I used to get the occasional hangover but I was so much more fun on the booze. Now it gives me a headache, makes me depressed the next day and gives me terrible reflux.

It is shit because I used to be great fun after a few shandies, but it means you’ve got more time, energy and money for other things which is nice. I’ve been doing couch to 5k this year, did a short course at a local uni on Saturdays because I didn’t mind being up early and it means I’m not wasting my mornings. I do wish I was better at boozing so I could occassionally enjoy a few drinks but it is what it is and I had a good run.

I drank loads at uni because I was chronically shy and it was the easiest way to get into the right frame of mind to socialise. I also worked in a job that had a heavy drinking culture throughout my 20s. But for the last few years I've drunk less and less; the fact that I usually have to drive home after a night out helped.

My tolerance to alcohol is now pretty much rock bottom. Earlier this year a very bad thing happened and I ended up drinking all the Christmas booze that I had left over (it was mostly spirits). I have never felt so sick in all my life and even at the time I was scared at how out of control I felt, and desperately wished I could just get the alcohol out of my system. Since then, I've had maybe a glass of wine with a meal on two separate occasions. I have no desire to have any more and I truly wouldn't care if I never drank again.

I am still quite shy but I no longer feel the need to pretend to be someone I'm not. The friends I have know what I'm like and I am lucky that they all accept that. OP, you don't sound all that happy that things have changed though? There's nothing wrong with "calming down" a bit as you get older, but is there any reason you can't still enjoy a few drinks now and then?

I was a massive party animal who gave up drinking 10 years ago. I went through the whole crisis of having no idea who I was, what I liked etc but slowly but surely learnt about myself and I am unrecognisable in a lot of ways from who I was 10 years ago in a good way. Best thing I ever did

I’m 43 and I have a really similar mindset. I enjoy a drink but rarely drink at home. As someone else said it’s the experience - getting dressed up, laughing, chatting, catching up with friends, dancing, crazy times.

I was at a hen do last night - not a crazy OTT one, just a fun night out, we did karaoke and I got to bed at 2am. I stopped drinking about 11.30 but as we’d had dinner I didn’t really drink that much and didn’t feel the need to carry on. But I absolutely loved the karaoke and having a wonderful time with really good friends.

And today, I feel content and that an “itch” has been scratched and don’t feel like I’m missing out by not going out.

Also I’ve had 2 DD’s of 3 yrs and 18 months and they don’t mix well with hangovers. But now I’m older, I defo drink less, even at home. I can literally go weeks without a drink.

But I was party animal central in my 20’s and 30’s so I’ve definitely changed!

I was a really big drinker in my teens and early twenties, out all weekend every weekend binge drinking and clubbing.
My dad died when I was 24, he had drinking problems and whilst it wasn't what caused his death it was a major factor.
Have barely touched a drop in the 11 years since.

Yes brummiegirl, it is the whole socialising thing.

PJLove80 - that is interesting to hear - it is reassuring actually to hear of others that have experienced this.

Gracemarks - the weird thing is, I literally have a couple and it just does not feel good. I don't know why - all I can think of is that it is a) possibly hormonal or b) after years of regularly drinking and now going months between any drink, my body just reacts differently. I can't explain it.

Allthewhoresofmalta - I too have been running and am doing my masters - so much easier without hangovers! But I know what you mean - I used to be/have great fun after a few drinks.

@SinjunRivers if you are chronic investigate Cefaly - changed my life!

Don't sweat it, like most people you don't need to drink, just enjoy having a drink.

Same as many of you...used to drink daily and put away quite a few at the weekends with friends.

I was worried about how much I was drinking and it did make my depression worse for sure. DH was the same, drinking quite a lot and regularly.

Last year my DH was diagnosed with an illness that alcohol makes much worse, and had to give up overnight. I really resented it and the change to our lifestyle. I confided this to a colleague who said some quite blunt things about my relationship with drinking. I was quite shocked.

I didn’t change my behaviour immediately but I did reflect on it, and cut down massively, and then after a few months gave up entirely.

I’d like to say I’ve lost loads of weight and it’s changed my life. But it hasn’t. BUT I have stopped missing it, and now find it natural to refuse alcohol. I drink loads of tonic and ginger ale instead.

I do think some hormonal things came into play too, I am menopausal and I think I can no longe tolerate it as well. I’m finding the same with coffee!

Gracemarks - the weird thing is, I literally have a couple and it just does not feel good. I don't know why - all I can think of is that it is a) possibly hormonal or b) after years of regularly drinking and now going months between any drink, my body just reacts differently. I can't explain it.

I had the same as this. Even two drinks would make my stomach hurt, I'd feel sick, not be able to sleep and still have a hangover. I wasn't sure if it was psychosomatic because I didn't want to drink, or if it was an actual effect of alcohol.

@fortunatelynot the thought of a night out without alcohol was quite daunting at first - I thought what is the point? Then I told myself that I am perfectly capable of meeting up with friends during the day for coffee and lunch without drinking and if I can enjoy that fine then I can do it without alcohol.
Like you I have a group of friends that like to drink - quite a lot. Several of them have always drunk even a lot more than I do. I was worried about that, lots of our nights out or weekends away revolve around drinking.
But I have no choice - I can't drink much due to medication that I'm on and actually it's been fine. I've still enjoyed their company and while I tend to end the night a little bit sooner than they do, the plus side is that I wake up in the morning feeling good.

I'm 43, never had kids but cut back on drinking when my friends had theirs. This eventually became complete abstinence for a number of years.

I tried reintroducing alcohol around 2013 but I've lost all tolerance so can get a little tipsy on one drink. I tend to stick to soft drinks now. I used to get rip roaringly pissed up until my early 30s.

I'm exactly the same. I used to be a bit of a heavy drinking party girl in my teens and twenties but I got fed up of the hangovers, the anxiety and the embarrassing behaviour so I decided to stop drinking. I never found it addictive but it just stopped agreeing with me

My last drink was 24/12/15. Sometimes I miss it (days like today, made for cider in a beer garden) but generally it has got easier with time, I am used to being teetotal now and I just don't feel like I'm missing out very often anymore

There's lots of alcohol free drinks around now too. Kopparberg Strawberry & Lime 0% is identical to the real thing and I had a lovely Heineken 0% earlier so you don't have to give up the taste if you enjoy it

Me! I just stopped liking it, used to always be the last one standing during my 20s and early 30s. I mostly socialise now through walks / brunch / lunch. I don't miss the drinking, but I don't do the big group socialising I used to, I used to regularly have parties or have people round for dinner, not sure whether it's that I've lost my confidence socialising without drink (I am single too so I think it takes more effort without a partner to support you) or whether it just doesn't seem worth the bother without getting drunk! I have no desire to ever drink again. I went to a friend's party late last year and people got quite drunk and repetitive and I was so glad that wasn't me for once! I would like to make some more non drinking friends though.

I really cut down on my drinking in my early 30s. There was an incident of inappropriate behaviour towards me by a male colleague on a works night out. There are those who say women shouldn't have to worry about what they drink but the unfortunate fact is drinking makes you more vulnerable, regardless of what sex you are.

Then I had kids and after nine months of not drinking, I didn't miss it. Last hangover I actually had was the day I found out I was pregnant with DS1. . I had bad PND with my eldest, so wasn't really a good idea to drink on anti depressants. Then I was pregnant again and just never really missed it. It's harder to get out to the pub with two young kids.

I do think a bit of an identity crisis is normal around this age. I'm almost 40. I feel like I've got no idea who I am anymore and the woman I was at 30 is long gone now. This has less to do with my drinking and just life in general.

I could have written this post I am exactly the same!

Me 🙋‍♀️

Was a party girl in my 20s and 30s. Cut back majorly as life slowed down and moved on with birth of DS at age 35. And then I didn't ever get drunk in case I'd have to get up and deal with any night wakenings.

I had started to cut back anyway because I hated passing out and waking up at 2am not being able to go back to sleep again once the booze had worn off.

Have had the odd night out with the girls, maybe once every few months over the past few years but they are few and far between. Had a few more big nights recently as we're all turning 40 but tbh I prefer a nice meal with a couple of glasses of wine. Would never have thought that I would feel like that back in the day!

You're not alone OP!

Thank you all for your experiences. When I wrote this post I felt a bit silly really as it seems a petty thing to ask but it is interesting that quite a few of you have said you feel/felt the same.

I definitely need to try and socialise sober and also find some more friends that are non drinking.

It is just such a life change I guess and like reinventing yourself as somebody different.

It is weird that we are mostly the same age. Thinking back, it was VERY normal 20 to 25 years ago to get slaughtered on a Friday and Saturday night. My son has drunk a little (he is 20 ) but drinks nowhere near the amount I did at his age. I don't think it is as cool anymore.

Just a theory - do you think we are the products of that party time/nightclub time??

I was pissed and partying pretty much constantly from 18 to around 45 with a small break for kids. I could drink the most seasoned piss-heads under the table and the very idea of going out and NOT drinking - well - it just wouldn't have happened!
Add to that a fondness for both cigarettes and a very liberal attitude to Class As and you can imagine the carnage. And now I do none of it and haven't for around 10 years. I will have a drink maybe once or twice a year - but gingerly and I suffer hugely because I'm not used to it. I can't say exactly what happened to turn me off it - a combination of the worsening hangovers and an all round feeling of 'enough already'. I'm fine with it now - going out is perfectly fun without being twatted!

Me. 1 or 2 drinks every so often but I get pissed so quickly on that I then need a coffee or soft drink and then can't be arsed. Hangovers not worth it. Like to get up early. Find drunk chat kind of boring and empty. Most of the time I feel like a teenage pre drinking self with more confidence and it's lovely. Other times, like an old fart who's missing out.

Times change, people change. If I was doing the same things as I was Ten years ago (I'm now 36), as in going on town every weekend, I would disappointed with the way my life had panned out. I know some people in our old circle of friends who still do the town thing every weekend. They are just drifting and clinging onto each other with no partners or children. I'd hate to be like that. I now have a social drink maybe once every month or two and then it's just four drinks then I'm done, and feel awful with hangover the next day.

@

Me too. 45 and former massive drinker and party animal in my 20s. Still drank quite a lot in my 30s, fitting it around having babies.

Now though I feel like shit if I drink wine at night (eg tonight) or get pissed. A glass or two at lunchtime and I'm fine, but evening drinking means I'm guaranteed to sleep dreadfully and wake up feeling worse.