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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL drama

37 replies

Inferiorbeing · 21/04/2019 13:11

MIL just phoned to say dinner was ready. We live an hour away and had no idea we were eating at hers today, we were out last night until 3am (which she knows and she was at the same event as us!) So have had only a few hours sleep.

She is now upset that I don't want to go to hers and is saying she cooked all the food and we are wasting it.

AIBU to think you don't just cook food and get upset when people cant suddenly come over?! We don't have anything planned today but we easily could have considering its Easter Sunday and we were happy to just spend a day relaxing after last night. Apparently it's all our fault for ruining her day?

(We have seen her 3 times this week and she has never mentioned lunch today)

OP posts:
HunterHearstHelmsley · 21/04/2019 13:14

How.... Weird.

She definitely didn't ask your DH and he's forgotten or something?

NoSauce · 21/04/2019 13:20

Do you normally go to hers on a Sunday? Has DH forgot to tell you that you were supposed to be going? Seems very strange if not.

woolduvet · 21/04/2019 13:32

Surely she's the one 'wasting food' if she didn't actually invite you.
Tell her to plate it up and freeze it, then she won't have to cook next weekend.

Original poster
Inferiorbeing · 21/04/2019 13:34

He says she didn't, I'm not 100% but she usually tells me as she knows hes not very organised? Which is what confused me. And nope we never go there on a Sunday- DH works shifts so it's rare he's free on a weekend. I'm just annoyed how she obviously seemed to think that if she says she's cooked it we have to go! Angry

OP posts:
BlueMerchant · 21/04/2019 13:39

Do you normally go on Easter Sunday?
Was it a loud atmosphere last night and were you all enjoying a drink? If so, could she maybe have heard an agreement to lunch when you didn't actually agree?

NoSauce · 21/04/2019 13:39

If she did tell DH and he forgot then I can understand why she’d be annoyed.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 21/04/2019 13:49

Does she normally do this. It sounds like some sort of miscommunication.

Original poster
Inferiorbeing · 21/04/2019 13:49

Nope we never do Easter Sunday, we celebrated Easter on Friday with her! I guess she could have said something last night (it was a boxing match were Dh was fighting so was loud) but I imagine she would have mentioned it as she left were we were talking outside or this morning?
I seriously hope it's not DHs fault because I'll feel bad if it was, she just has form for thinking like this! She will often phone ul DH to say she has his favourite food ready/sweets/extra stuff to take him with him so he visits her!

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Original poster
Inferiorbeing · 21/04/2019 13:50

Also its not like we don't see her! DH goes 3 times a week when he's not on shift Hmm

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tympanic · 21/04/2019 13:51

This is the sort of weird shit my mother would pull. And then get sulky that we weren’t coming. YANBU. I think it’s a power trip.

Lizzie48 · 21/04/2019 14:06

That is seriously weird. I have a DM and MIL who are both capable of being hard work at times, but this is a new one on me.

The only thing I would ask here is, does she genuinely believe an arrangement was made and she’s confused, which would give me concerns about dementia? Or does she have form for being manipulative and gaslighting you, making you believe that there was such an arrangement and that your DH made it behind your back.

But if no arrangement was made, then your conscience is clear and it’s not your fault that she’s wasted her time preparing a meal for you.

Drum2018 · 21/04/2019 14:10

Did you/Dh not ask her why she thought you were coming for dinner? That would surely clear things up.

NoSauce · 21/04/2019 14:11

Yes just ask her.

Original poster
Inferiorbeing · 21/04/2019 14:28

Yeah I'll just have to ask her! I think it just annoyed me so much because she has done it before with DH and it's like we have to always be available just to go to see her Hmm

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Original poster
Inferiorbeing · 21/04/2019 14:29

Sorry super quick update- she just thought we would want to come? No arrangement at all Angry

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foreverhanging · 21/04/2019 14:32

It's not like you're round the corner?! Baffled at this behaviour!!

Redshoeblueshoe · 21/04/2019 14:33

I'm free and I'm hungry and I can't be bothered to cook. Shall I go round instead ? Grin

NoSauce · 21/04/2019 14:41

But that doesn’t make sense. She told you it was ready but you live an hour away.

Katterinaballerina · 21/04/2019 14:42

How bizarre.

Original poster
Inferiorbeing · 21/04/2019 15:02

That's why I'm so confused? She knows how long it takes us to get there even if we're ready to go so why did she think it would make sense?! Maybe she thought she would keep it warm or it was actually ready but nearly done- or part of me wonders if she was just saying it to get us there?
You're more than welcome to go- shes done a leg of lamb and chicken (apparently!) Grin

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SnuggyBuggy · 21/04/2019 15:05

Did she set this whole situation just for drama? Some people do seem to thrive on this

Cherrysoup · 21/04/2019 15:06

How extremely weird! No arrangement and she’s getting arsey cos you don’t want to go? Sounds like your dh has set a precedent, tho, by going over when she tells him she has sweets etc.

FoggyDay58 · 21/04/2019 16:10

My 'D'M used to do this on Christmas Eve. So maddening. No arrangement made, but then livid that nobody is there to eat the gammon(!) and angry with whichever one of us turned up first (late afternoon, staying over for Christmas day) which happened to be me. By the time siblings arrived she'd got over it, but didn't speak to me for the whole of Christmas Day. In itself it became a tradition, because she never invited us, always cooked the bloody gammon and was always angry.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 21/04/2019 16:46

My Nan went through a phase of doing this on NYE. She complain she’d got food and drink in but ‘nobody came’. If we pointed out that she hadn’t actually invited anyone, she’d say ‘Well, people used to come’. Maybe 30 years previously when her siblings all lived within a couple of streets.

Easterbunnynearlyhere · 21/04/2019 16:50

Oo op I was at a boxing event last night also!
Your mil is very odd!!
I never ate at exmil's even with an invite!!
Envy most def not envy!!