Expecting couple want people to make their meals and do their chores for them.

[Aeroflotgirl]

I read this, and I was gobsmacked, and not just any meals, specific ones requiring expensive ingredients. As If they are the first people to have babies. I think big CF comes to mind here. I know people don't have to give, but some people have a huge front.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6941101/Expecting-couple-ridiculed-Meal-Train-page-requesting-Paleo-meals-friends-chores.html

MidniteScribbler

“There's two adults, I'm sure one of them can whip up a bit of pasta. There is no need for restaurant style meals. A toasted sandwich does in a pinch if you really aren't in the mood to cook.”

I completely agree with this. A few weeks of simple food that just fills a hole doesn’t do any harm, and I don’t know about everyone else but it was all I fancied after child birth (albeit under general anaesthetic which can mess with your appetite a bit)

These people are really weird and rude.

The idea of bringing food is lovely for fam and friends, I've done it for all of mine. I think this is far too far but it's good to have the message that people should expect things to change and not to be hosted out there. Too many people i know didn't know how to do boundries and were subject to family and friends who were intrusive early on and expected to be fully hosted, fed and pandered to when they rocked up at their choosing.

In these times of rising infertility and falling birth rates I can see a situation in the future where couples who are willing to make the sacrifices required to be parents and who do then actually managed to conceive are lionised

Also wants mental health check ins and walking the dog, doing their dishes..

What level of raging narcissism do you have to be at to think people are going to jump at this opportunity

The worst part is his reluctance to even open the fucking door and say thank you. He just wants free food delivered to his cooler in the garden - social niceties are not for important people like him.
Anyone would think he'd just squeezed a baby out of his knob. Since he hasn't, I think he can manage to make some dinner for his wife.
People who have had normal pregnancies and births can usually manage to make an easy meal and look after their baby. Especially if they are part of a couple and can share chores.

I think the whole meal train thing is fab - but it's a reciprocal thing that everyone participates in, not that you ask for.

I also get the whole feeling alone thing - and I think if they're trying, in an admittedly hamfisted way, to try and build a community they could have done it without this ridiculous set of rules.

"Hey, we're new to this area, and we're about to have a baby! We've not got any family nearby, and would really appreciate a bit of support if anyone was able to maybe pop round and say hi and check in with us occasionally, that would be amazing!"

It takes a village to raise a child

The replies on this Twitter thread were comedy gold. I particularly liked...

"What's wrong with 15 lasagnes?"

and

"Shit in his coolbox"

Maybe that's why DH and I found the cooking thing much easier than the books suggested it would be - we eat a lot of quick food anyway! We very, very rarely eat ready meals but nor do we eat much that takes longer than 30-45 mins from first chopping of an ingredient to meal on table. I always find it weird on MN when it's suggested that you need a SAHP to have homecooked meals - for years both DH and I didn't get home until 7 and we managed just fine.

This couple made a choice to have a baby. Now they're posting online for complete strangers to pay for and cook expensive meals, and do their chores for them like unpaid help. Cheeky fuckers.

It takes a village to raise a child

I'm willing to bet there are at least 50 people in that 'village' that need support more than this couple do.

Ffs it's not hard to prepare food and have a baby! Many people have done it and will continue to do it including myself!

Oh, that'll be unpopular, very true, but unpopular. We all know that such a natural thing as having a baby has become sooooooo much more diffucult since MN started! I would never in a million years have expected my friends to bring meals-on-wheels.

On the visitors' front: I think that if you're going to see a couple with a new baby over a mealtime it's polite to offer to bring food for you all so they don't have to go to extra effort to feed you. Bringing food for them to consume when you're not there, though, is going above and beyond and not to be expected!

You do see advice on MN all the time to tell visitors that rather than hold the baby they can do the hoovering. I personally think this is bonkers rude and can't imagine people doing it real life, but it's a really common suggestion so apparently someone finds it reasonable.

Btw I think it's completely different if it's a single parent - I would be much more eager to offer them food, cleaning, etc. If it's a couple I don't see why I should basically do the work for the DH.

It takes a village to raise a child

As long as they don't turn up without a written invitation for a specific time and duration, but not within the first couple of weeks, unless they're the mother's family of course. What a double standards statement.

😂 takes al sorts.
Poor delicate lambs. Life is just all too much, isn’t it?
Hope the baby enjoys kale. I predict a great deal of it during weaning.

Why didn't they bulk cook and freeze their own meals before the baby's birth!!!!! Their choice to have a baby, no one else's problem.

I am making some freezer dinners for a couple I know whose baby is due soon. I am not buying an outfit or toy as personally, I found the dinners I was sent after the births of my two kids so helpful. They did not ask for food but I think it makes a good gift. However, asking is a whole other thing!

One person’s village is another person’s bunch of interfering so and sos.

As previous posters have said, this is a thing in the USA, among some communities in cases of illness, or release from hospital. Usually it’s “potluck”, though, with maybe one or two dietary specifications. We just don’t do it so much. It’s a culture thing.

Helza we all know that, but given the reaction from the locals and wider community... it obviously hasn't gone down well. I'm sure there's lots of situations in where the community comes together, but the way they've gone about it is cheeky AF.

People like this are the reason nice things like Meal Trains get derailed and removed. A lot of these are for people who become disabled. A friend in the States had a lot of lovely support. Some years ago her daughter, who had become profoundly disabled after contracting a mosquito-born disease, died as a young teen. Then, a few months ago, her husband took a stroke. He is just now out of hospital and at home with loads of home help whilst she also has to work FT. Unlike this couple, however, she didn't post a list of demands or ask strangers to do the dishes or clean their house (but don't interfere with us).

That couple are CF but I think it's fair to ask friends and family.

I've heard of such things, but I have never experienced it in my recent 20 year stint of living in California. Most of my friends have had children during this time and no one has sent such requests so I'm wary of casually saying this is an "American" tradition - it simply isn't at all in my experience.

That said, I do remember one friend insisting that everyone have a flu shot before visiting her PFB (no special health concerns present). That went nowhere in the end as people mostly shrugged and said sorry we haven't done that yet and simply didn't visit them until she relented. Another friend emailed an unsolicited amazon wishlist for presents for her child's first birthday, some of which were in the $300 - $500 range. I simply ignored it and it was never mentioned. She didn't do it again for subsequent birthdays or her next baby so I guess she felt she pushed it too far.

I think that traditions around life events are changing and people don't always get it right or read their audience well - as in who will be happy versus offended to receive a direct request for money/cooked meals/specific baby presents/cash for a honeymoon etc...

The church I go to made us a week’s worth of meals, which was hugely generous but actually we would have been totally fine making our own after the first couple of days when I couldn’t really move well. In fact I was so pleased when I finally did cook my own food as it felt like a bit of normality! Also I prepped about 20 meals before the baby arrived and froze them. It’s nice if people think to cook for you but you don’t ask them to ffs!