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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Expecting couple want people to make their meals and do their chores for them.

138 replies

Aeroflotgirl · 21/04/2019 08:34

I read this, and I was gobsmacked, and not just any meals, specific ones requiring expensive ingredients. As If they are the first people to have babies. I think big CF comes to mind here. I know people don't have to give, but some people have a huge front.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6941101/Expecting-couple-ridiculed-Meal-Train-page-requesting-Paleo-meals-friends-chores.html

OP posts:
Margot33 · 21/04/2019 09:19

My husband cooked for me and cleaned the house after each baby. Don't think it's necessary to ask strangers for help? Think listing specific recipes was being a little goady!

TanMateix · 21/04/2019 09:20

This sounds crazy, unless the mother to be is suffering from a multitude of ailments, I think this is a bad idea. How can a couple jump from being treated as little children to responsible put up with whatever for the sake of the kids parents just after the birth? They don’t, they just keep expecting everyone to pool efforts to help them cope.

Pregnancy is not an illness, being a parent is not a disability.

Singlenotsingle · 21/04/2019 09:21

So if dw is at home with the baby, why can't DH go out and shop for food? Not bf is he? Or they can order online and get it delivered. This sounds too far fetched to be true.

farmergilesnomore · 21/04/2019 09:22

I haven't read the link but I'd put money on them being green/eco parents. They are the worst in terms of entitled behaviour IMO. I used to be on a parenting forum and the 'green parents' (which was mostly extreme attachment parents) section was so entertaining to read. I remember one woman requesting that everyone write a letter to her newborn, stating what changes they were making in their lives to make the world a better place for HER new baby. She kindly attached a template and sample letter (with requirements) to make the task a bit easier Hmm

mazv1953 · 21/04/2019 09:22

Am I alone in thinking this is a nutter magnet? God knows what could be in the meals ...

NoParticularPattern · 21/04/2019 09:23

I mean that’s a bit much. Yeah fine if people are coming to see you and they say “can we bring you anything?” Replying that something edible (and hot/heatable!) would be great rather than more baby gifts is fine. But I don’t think there’s really any need to give a very specific list of things you want cooking for you (you know, allergies excepted), nor is it really necessary for people to leave it on the porch unless you’re not in! Taking food to new parents is a great idea and just because you didn’t have anyone to do it for you doesn’t mean that people are being pathetic if they accept, but requesting a menu/ no disturbances/ asking randomers to provide is just a bit much really. Perhaps if no one panders to the ridiculous demands then they might see that they’re being knobs

ScrambledSmegs · 21/04/2019 09:25

My dad used to bring us stews when we had our second. We were so grateful for every one. This couple (ok it reads like mainly the man!) is a whole new level!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 21/04/2019 09:26

I'm not surprised.

I've seen people do this, expect others to clean, shop, cook for them as a bare minimum.

In real life I've always felt like there are two camps in pregnancy . Those that carry on as normal and those who make the nine months feel like an eternity and who seem to lose the ability to do anything or talk about anything else. It's usually just after you've got over the excessive wedding planning.

Passthecherrycoke · 21/04/2019 09:29

“In real life I've always felt like there are two camps in pregnancy . Those that carry on as normal and those who make the nine months feel like an eternity and who seem to lose the ability to do anything or talk about anything else. It's usually just after you've got over the excessive wedding planning.”

And then a year after the most horrendous newborn phase known to man they get pregnant again 😭

I had a friend like this. If there was a pregnancy ailment she would suffer from
It. If there was a birth complication she had it. Her baby had every difficulty going. She had it worse than anyone else. Then had another

Original poster
Aeroflotgirl · 21/04/2019 09:31

Oh my goodness farmergiles did you write an erm letter to the baby Grin.

OP posts:
Dieu · 21/04/2019 09:37

I wouldn't have expected my post-baby visitors to cook or clean for me, let alone total strangers!
Having a baby doesn't render you completely helpless.

redzebra10 · 21/04/2019 09:38

maybe i'm old school but when i had mine you had the baby come home and got on with life. shopping cooking , just life in general.
yeah i was tired but thats part and parcel of being a parent, it doesn't last forever.
like i say i'm old school.
everything is different these days

C8H10N4O2 · 21/04/2019 09:41

Dropping food off is quite a common thing for friends and family or neighbours to do when someone has a baby, or surgery or illness. People want to help but don’t know how, so this is a great way of doing it.

I've experienced this as well and its a great community response. Its far more useful and less wasteful than yet more baby clothes and baby toys, most of which will never be used.

Practical help, rather than more "stuff" you don't need is surely better for everyone?

This couple may be absurdly picky but if I wanted to cook for someone rather than take them another pack of sleep suits I would want to know if they had any significant dietary restrictions.

C8H10N4O2 · 21/04/2019 09:43

maybe i'm old school but when i had mine you had the baby come home and got on with life. shopping cooking , just life in general.

You think new parents these days don't shop, cook and live in a frozen time bubble?

HoppingPavlova · 21/04/2019 09:43

Wow. What happened to just making extra in the months leading up to the birth and stocking the freezer? That’s what we did.

What’s wrong with the DH in that article? I understand it may be challenging for a single mum who has had a C-section for instance and has no social support but in this case it seems as though there is an able-bodied DH. Why can’t he make a spag bol or a lasagne, soup or something?

People are so entitled these days.

HoppingPavlova · 21/04/2019 09:44

You think new parents these days don't shop, cook and live in a frozen time bubble?

Well the CF’s in the article are certainly aiming for thisGrin.

Original poster
Aeroflotgirl · 21/04/2019 09:45

What they are asking is totally different to friends and family rallying round and cooking food, I don't think this couple would be happy with a casserole or curry somehow. It is very rude and cheeky asking strangers to cook for their specific fads, and not to have to face them, so they drop it in the cooler, without even a thanks. Having a baby does not render you useless, lots of people have to just get on with it, I did with just me and dh, and the help of dd very kind godparents and family. I had postnatal depression, and dd was a very hard baby, she was later dx as having Autism and learning difficulties.

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 21/04/2019 09:46

but if I wanted to cook for someone rather than take them another pack of sleep suits I would want to know if they had any significant dietary restrictions.

A dietary restriction is being allergic to peanuts or intolerant to gluten or lactose. Completely different to these knobs.

Original poster
Aeroflotgirl · 21/04/2019 09:46

Whilst she is feeding the baby, or he is putting baby to bed, they can knock up a quite meal, for the two of them, it is not hard.

OP posts:
AmbitiousHalibut · 21/04/2019 09:47

Our church does this for new parents for a few weeks after paternity leave has ended. A Meal Train link goes round to everyone, people are free to sign up or not, and it's a nice way to take care of people. The couple might specify if they have particular needs but it's usually an allergy or similar. In fairness, it also happens if someone is recovering from an operation, say. I enjoy taking part and I really appreciated it when we had our DS and it was our turn!
These people, though, with the specific requests and approaching strangers are CFs. Bonkers.

Original poster
Aeroflotgirl · 21/04/2019 09:48

Exactly allergies and dietry requirements such as vegan or vegatarian is different, they want strangers to cook specific food with specific ingredients.

OP posts:
redzebra10 · 21/04/2019 09:48

according to the article no they don't cos they have a baby.

NewAccount270219 · 21/04/2019 09:49

In real life I've always felt like there are two camps in pregnancy . Those that carry on as normal and those who make the nine months feel like an eternity and who seem to lose the ability to do anything or talk about anything else. It's usually just after you've got over the excessive wedding planning.

I think this is really unfair. I had an incredibly physically easy pregnancy, was walking miles the day before I went into labour, etc - but that's luck. It's very obvious that some women have much, much tougher pregnancies than others. I got congratulated on carrying on as normal a lot when I was pregnant and it made me really uncomfortable, as there was always this implicit comparison to those 'other' women. It felt a bit like being were saying 'well done on not being disabled, like those wheelchair softies!'. I hadn't done anything, I was just lucky that I felt basically like a normal person with a basketball shoved down my top.

C8H10N4O2 · 21/04/2019 09:50

Well the CF’s in the article are certainly aiming for this

The PP was aiming an "new parents these days" not one picky couple.

NewAccount270219 · 21/04/2019 09:52

As someone mentioned upthread, having loads of frozen food in and asking visitors to bring it is always recommended in baby books. Personally for me I regret wasting my time on maternity leave making and freezing meals because it actually turned out to be fine for one of us to cook while the other one had DS (eating it was trickier because DS seemed to smell my food and demand his own, but I got the hang of eating with one hand while breastfeeding after a week or two!), but it is standard advice, presumably for a reason (I was lucky that DH was around a lot more than many fathers are able to be).