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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Fiancé in a strop-WIBU

72 replies

waitingformightynerds · 20/04/2019 19:32

Sorry for the long post. Just need to get it off my chest.

Me and DP are staying at his mum and stepdads house this weekend with DPs daughter as it’s her birthday during the week.

DP and his stepdad went out to fetch something from a seller close by. On his return DP decided to tell me that the sellers GF has “a nice arse, like really, it was a proper nice arse” to which I admittedly got a bit moody but it soon passed

DP asked me if he’d done anything to upset me because he didn’t know if he had, I told him a little but I’m fine.

He’s now gone in a massive strop and called me childish, he now won’t talk to me unless it’s a one word answer.

I sent him a text (we’re at on the same sofa) explaining why I had been upset but that I was sorry just to keep the peace. He ignored it.

My foot just touched his and he asked why I did that in a snappy tone.

WIBU to be a little upset by his comments?
I apologised to him but it seemed to make no difference.

OP posts:

Seaweed42 · 20/04/2019 20:38

You say you cry when you get pissed off. How often would you be crying?

He's treating you like shit and in someone else's home where you can't escape from. Yuck. He's horrible.
He makes a comment about another woman's backside then blames you. And holds a grudge and punishes you all evening.

Yabbers · 20/04/2019 20:40

You are asking if it is unreasonable to be upset at your fiancé telling you how wonderful another woman’s arse is.

And, leaving is always an option. Pack a bag, call a cab.

MissClareRemembers · 20/04/2019 20:41

He’s fallen back into that stroppy teenage behaviour that often happens when visiting parents. But, his stroppy teenager act is aimed at YOU, his fiancée.

He’s a manchild with no capacity for empathy or respect. You should really reconsider your engagement.

AtrociousCircumstance · 20/04/2019 20:44

Oh, woman! Dump this belittling, childish dick of a man! He will make you miserable. Get out before you get in any deeper.

CaptSkippy · 20/04/2019 20:49

Why can you not go home?

LunafortJest · 20/04/2019 20:53

It concerns me that you are seated on the same sofa and cannot even have a conversation like adults, you need to text. He sounds like a nasty piece of work, disrespectful and abusive. If he loves you enough to marry you, why is he even looking at other women's arses? Let alone telling you? Most men would know not to mention it to the other half, and you aren't even married yet. Why can't you just leave there? Call a taxi, or drive, or even walk to a bus or train. There is no reason you have to stay and put up with that. When people show you who they truly are, believe it. The standard you accept now, before you are even married, is the standard you will have with him forever onwards. LTB now. Not because he looked at another woman's arse, but he thought to rub your nose in it, then treat you like shit when you get upset, like as if it's your fault. If that is his default attitude now, before you are even married, run now!

thefinn · 20/04/2019 20:55

Reconsider the marriage.

PurpleDaisies · 20/04/2019 20:58

What’s stopping you from going home?

He was disrespectful and you were rightfully annoyed. Texting him from the same sofa is bizarre though.

StoneofDestiny · 20/04/2019 21:02

OP - don't imagine marriage will improve his behaviour or this relationship. Time to shed the baggage.

ChristmasFluff · 20/04/2019 21:18

He wants an argument and he will find a reason for it - he said what he said deliberately to hurt you, and when he asked if you were upset, he already knew the answer and why. He is toying with you for fun. You have already seen that - your foot touched his and you'd already apologised - yet he still kicked off?

He's looking for a reason to either abuse you, or strop off to see his affair partner, or both.

Dump him. 7 months should be 'thank my lucky stars I have her', not this - however long you know he existed (and in truth that is all that knowing him at school means).

And if you feel you cannot dump him given all this evidence, then really ask yourself the difficult questions of why.

spongedog · 20/04/2019 21:26

My ex used to get "stressed". Numerous incidents. I no longer believe that they were due to stress. Please leave. this will only get worse for you. His family may facilitate abusive behaviour. Please never have DC with this man.

Iflyaway · 20/04/2019 21:32

He's a misogynist and showing his true self.

You know what the future will bring....

Please don't go there.

Better to go within and ask yourself why you want to be with this type of man...

Merryoldgoat · 20/04/2019 21:33

Why on earth are you marrying him after only 8 months? Knowing him as a friend at school is completely different from being with him romantically, as a father, as a life partner.

He’s shown who he is. You do not need him in your life unless you want years of unhappiness.

Ihatehashtags · 21/04/2019 08:15

Get a taxi to the bus top and get the hell out of there. He’s a prick. He’s behaving like that before you are married? I’d run for the hills. It’s just so disrespectful.

AnotherEmma · 21/04/2019 08:21

You've been together for just 8 months? Do you live together yet and how long has that been? What's the nature of your engagement, are you actively planning a wedding?

What does he say about the reasons for splitting with his ex? Do you know her?

Some alarm bells here, the relationship seems to be moving fast (even though you knew each other for years, a romantic relationship is obviously different from a friendship) and I think this incident is worrying in terms of what it reveals about his attitude to women and to you.

I would be on high alert for emotional abuse tbh.

Bambamrubblesmum · 21/04/2019 08:51

Being friends for 10 years means nothing. You've only known him in a relationship for 8 months. Don't confuse the two.

Sounds like he doesn't like it when you show him you have boundaries about what you will and won't accept. Big.red.flag

junebirthdaygirl · 21/04/2019 09:02

If you can't go home get up 9ff the couch and head out for a walk
Be happy yourself and don't let your mood be dictated to by him.
Stop texting and engaging with him. Let him do the running after you as he was out of order.

TheCatDidSay · 21/04/2019 09:10

His showing you who he really is. Listen.

You might of known him a long time but you know the side he shows his mates, you don’t know how he was to his ex behind closed doors. I bet his mates wouldn’t believe you if you recounted this story to them as it would be no not frank his lovely he wouldn’t behave like that it’s in your head. But it’s not it happens your seeing the nasty controlling side to frank.

SunshineCake · 21/04/2019 16:14

The texting to communicate maybe because other people are there and they can't talk openly.

Grumpelstilskin · 21/04/2019 16:19

This is totally disrespectful and your standards/boundaries are very low. At no point is there EVER and excuse for this kind of behaviour!

sackrifice · 21/04/2019 16:21

If you marry this man you will look back at this and wonder why you didn't go home today.

WhyTho · 21/04/2019 16:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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