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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fiancé in a strop-WIBU

72 replies

waitingformightynerds · 20/04/2019 19:32

Sorry for the long post. Just need to get it off my chest.

Me and DP are staying at his mum and stepdads house this weekend with DPs daughter as it’s her birthday during the week.

DP and his stepdad went out to fetch something from a seller close by. On his return DP decided to tell me that the sellers GF has “a nice arse, like really, it was a proper nice arse” to which I admittedly got a bit moody but it soon passed

DP asked me if he’d done anything to upset me because he didn’t know if he had, I told him a little but I’m fine.

He’s now gone in a massive strop and called me childish, he now won’t talk to me unless it’s a one word answer.

I sent him a text (we’re at on the same sofa) explaining why I had been upset but that I was sorry just to keep the peace. He ignored it.

My foot just touched his and he asked why I did that in a snappy tone.

WIBU to be a little upset by his comments?
I apologised to him but it seemed to make no difference.

OP posts:
Original poster
waitingformightynerds · 20/04/2019 20:00

He knows full well that going home is not an option for you, hence his shitty manipulative behaviour. How long have you been together?**

We've been together less than a year (8months) but I've known him nearly 10yrs altogether, we were BFFs in school

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 20/04/2019 20:04

What do you need to leave?

Grumpos · 20/04/2019 20:05

You’ve heard of gaslighting right?
That’s what he’s done here.
Done something down right offensive and unreasonable (for the majority of people do not want partner to comment avidly on someone else’s arse - I’m sure there are exceptions) and then twisted it to make it seem like YOU are crazy / unreasonable.

If it’s a one off and he’s just having a shit day and being a bellend then you should be expecting a grovelling apology, if this isn’t a one off (not in terms of the comment itself but the gaslighting) then you’d want to give a lot of thought into your future plans.

Unicornshopkeeper · 20/04/2019 20:06

Run away. That is not the behaviour of a mature, thoughtful man. Otherwise be prepared to walk on eggshells for the rest of your relationship

Fairenuff · 20/04/2019 20:07

Don't marry him.

Raise your standards.

EdWinchester · 20/04/2019 20:10

You both sound very childish.

Original poster
waitingformightynerds · 20/04/2019 20:10

I do think/hope it's a stress thing, it's never really happened before. I know his ex has been on his case about his daughter this weekend but I still think it's unfair to take it out on me.

If we don't get chance to speak tonight he'll be getting it when we get home believe me.

OP posts:
53rdWay · 20/04/2019 20:11

Don’t marry him unless you want a lifetime of this.

S1naidSucks · 20/04/2019 20:11

He’s training you. You get (rightly) annoyed by his disrespectful behaviour, he sulks and makes life horrid and tense.

Next time you won’t say anything.

This! With bells on!

WAKE UP OP. You’ve read the comments and the warnings, so don’t start acting surprised when things get worse. This man is only going to get worse when you marry and your in deep shit, once you get pregnant.

S1naidSucks · 20/04/2019 20:12

You’re

EKGEMS · 20/04/2019 20:13

"I'm not making excuses but he's stressed" He's being a jackass and stress doesn't turn you into that

Branleuse · 20/04/2019 20:14

so if he upsets you, He then makes you feel bad for being upset?

So many alarm bells love.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 20/04/2019 20:16

I know everyone looks, its natural. But theres noticing other people and then there's actively going out of your way to perv at others. And then telling their partner that they've been serving at someone else. And then getting annoyed that their partner feels a bit miffed. And then not accepting their partner's (unnecessary) apology.

Why ask someone if they're upset and then get arsey with them for saying yes??

AWishForWingsThatWork · 20/04/2019 20:16

He's at his mum's so it's stressful.
His ex has been at him, so it's stressful.
You apologised to him for calling him on his shitty behaviour ... and now he's not talking to you?!?

Stop making excuses for him.

You're only 8 months in to a proper relationship with him ... and already engaged ... and he's showing you who he really is now. The best behaviour months are over ... believe him. This is probably why he has an ex wife ...

I would slow your relationship way, way down and not marry him if this isn't a one off, which it doesn't sound like it is. Life is too short to spend it being talked to like this and treated like this ... and you're defending him already!

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 20/04/2019 20:19

Also I dont think you are being childish like some are saying. If someone has done something hurtful it's hard not to be grumpy. You were then honest about being upset but tried to make the peace. Not sure most people would have been much more chilled about it

Honeyroar · 20/04/2019 20:22

You need to massively slow things down. You don't seem to be seeing what's in front of your eyes.

XiCi · 20/04/2019 20:26

I've had unbelievable stress and anxiety in my life, far far more to cope with than having to spend a weekend at mummy's ffs. Would I ever have behaved like an absolute cunt to my DH. Absolutely not. And believe me if I'd behaved inappropriately and he'd pulled me up on it, I'd be apologising profusely

Thunderspuds · 20/04/2019 20:26

I know you've known him a lot longer but you've only been in a proper relationship for 8 months. I'd be worried that I was starting to see a side of him I hadn't see before (not just the "best side" he shows to his mates) and that this is part of that.

What would trouble me the most is that he does not care that you are upset right now. Also you ARE making excuses for him already all the time. Read back your updates as if they were written by someone else.

Timeforacupoftea · 20/04/2019 20:28

You are not being childish. That’s very unfair. You are rightfully upset.

Do not marry this man. He will cheat on you as soon as he gets the chance. Leave now before things get harder to undo.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 20/04/2019 20:32

You're both being childish. Why is he trying to make you jealous? Why are you texting him when you're sitting right next to him?

What's really going on here? What are you both avoiding saying to each other?

nocoolnamesleft · 20/04/2019 20:32

He's a total arse. Presumably that's why he likes them so much.

maras2 · 20/04/2019 20:32

Do not marry this disrespectful nasty person. Angry

DragonglassHeart · 20/04/2019 20:32

He sounds like many of the arsehole men I've had the misfortune to work with over the last 20 years. They are worse in packs.

Unless this really is a one off you should run for the hills OP.

In the meantime I am going to suggest that someone post the famous Terry Wogan picture here on your thread.

You can sit sniggering and snorting when you see it and when your 'D'P asks what you are laughing at say 'a nice cock, like really, it's a proper nice cock'

See how he likes them apples.

Moomoomoomoomoo · 20/04/2019 20:32

I'd be worried that I was starting to see a side of him I hadn't see before (not just the "best side" he shows to his mates) and that this is part of that.

This happens all the time. How many times on the relationships board do you read on here, and they all say how charming they are to their friends and how everyone loves them. Behind close doors, a totally different story.

Cherrysoup · 20/04/2019 20:35

You apologised to him for HIM being a twat and now he’s refusing to speak to you because HE’S a twat? Do you see how shit his behaviour is? So what if he’s stressed? Is this how you want to live your life? Walking on eggshells in case he’s upset? Fuck that, I’d be gone.

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