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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Date being overly affectionate

40 replies

MollyPolli · 20/04/2019 09:15

Hello,
I have been on two dates with someone I met through OLD. He seems very sweet and is the perfect gentleman, letting me choose where we should eat and insisting on paying, etc which is lovely. Also hasn't talked about sex which makes a refreshing change.

Some things are really concerning me though and putting me off. When we are on our date he tells me a few times how beautiful I am and how much he's enjoying spending time with me. Its lovely but sort of creeps me out. Then at the end of both dates, while waiting for our respective trains, he tells me how much he's enjoyed spending time with me and can't wait to do it again. Also at the end of the second date, he said 'love you' Shock This was as I was getting on my train and I texted him and asked him if I misheard or he said that and he confirmed he had. I then text back and said he was going way too fast and that really freaked me out. He apologised and said because it was only his second real relationship, his first one was very long term and emotionallt abusive, he's a bit over excited and was very apologetic. Apart from those things, he would probably make a great partner lol. He wants to take me on another date so he can show me how he really can be and has promised to tone it all down but I don't know what to do now.

OP posts:
Doyoumind · 20/04/2019 09:16

Run.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 20/04/2019 09:17

Trust your instincts, OP. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

LuluBellaBlue · 20/04/2019 09:17

I’d run!!!!
It sounds like he’d be absolutely suffocating very very quickly...... but all because he loves you so much of course Hmm

legolimb · 20/04/2019 09:17

He sounds a little too over invested in making this into a relationship.

Two dates in is very early days.

Tread carefully.

SmileEachDay · 20/04/2019 09:20

He apologised and said because it was only his second real relationship

Nooooo. This is not a real relationship yet!! This is two dates!

He won’t be able to tone it down. He’ll try, but it’s where he is.

How do you feel about carrying on at this speed?

likeridingabike · 20/04/2019 09:21

Run

KetchupOnRoastDinner · 20/04/2019 09:22

You’ve been in two dates and he’s defining it as a relationship?
How old is this man and how long has he been doing OLD?

If it was me I think I would give him one chance to dial it down, but if this behaviour is genuinely because he doesn’t understand boundaries, do you really want to be his teacher for this?

CalmdownJanet · 20/04/2019 09:23

--> The hills are that way, leg it!

Tink1990 · 20/04/2019 09:24

It would be a no from me. He sounds strange!

NorthernKnickers · 20/04/2019 09:25

I'd be running so fast you'd not see me for dust! That's just weird!

EmeraldShamrock · 20/04/2019 09:27

I would find it creepy, listen to your instincts, even if he is a kind guy, it sounds like he is ready to pour his emotions onto your shoulders.
Have you shared information on your address work or home.
Tell him early, don't go on a 3rd date.

SilverGoldBronze · 20/04/2019 09:30

Two dates and he’s saying ‘I love you’ and thinks you’re in a relationship? I don’t care what his backstory is. Run.

werideatdawn · 20/04/2019 09:31

Nope. Run.

onetwofourdinosaurroarr · 20/04/2019 09:34

R
U
N

AnnaMagnani · 20/04/2019 09:39

Is he worth trying again because of the niceness and the lack of sex talk?

I only ask because when I met DH, I had only had one real relationship before and that was longterm and emotionally abusive. And I decided on my first date with DH that I was going to marry him.

However, due to extensive watching of some BBC dating programme, I had the sense not to mention this or say I loved him for a considerable time. Without that, I think I'd have been a numpty.

MashedSpud · 20/04/2019 09:41

Had you been in contact for a long time before meeting in real life?

Is he young?

Propertywoes · 20/04/2019 09:42

Run!

TacoFlavouredKisses · 20/04/2019 09:42

Ick! Trust your instincts OP.

0ccamsRazor · 20/04/2019 09:45

Love bombing...... Read up on this issue.

You may as well be anyone op, he can not love you as he doesnt know you. You are a blank screen with which he is projecting his view of the ideal women, thus setting you up for failure at some point down the line. People that love bomb tend to be controling and manipulative.

Run as fast as you can, block and delete.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 20/04/2019 09:46

Is he worth trying again because of the niceness and the lack of sex talk?

Being nice to you and not pestering for sex is the bare minimum you should expect. It doesn't mean he's a catch.

Honestly, saying I love you on the second date is a massive red flag. However nice he seems, it's just not normal behaviour.

nothinglikeadame · 20/04/2019 09:48

Nope nope nope!

You are not wanting to same at this stage

One more date should confirm it but I wouldn't even do that.

Bakingberry · 20/04/2019 09:54

Run for the hills and never look back!

He's clearly not emotionally mature enough to have a grownup relationship. If he's telling you he loves you after 2 dates, he's able to 'fall in love' with any woman that gives him a moment of his time.

I know the rest of him sounds perfect but this should be a big red flag.

Dieu · 20/04/2019 09:54

I love you, after only 2 dates?! No healthy, well-adjusted man would do that.
He is already giving you what I call 'the ick', so I don't see there being a future for you with him.

bigchris · 20/04/2019 10:11

Oh I see I am going to be a lone voice but it give him a few weeks before binning him off if everything else seems good

Trills · 20/04/2019 10:15

I would not be into that.

I wouldn't necessarily think it meant he was creepy or bad news, but I'd think it made us incompatible.

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