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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I be hurt by this?

34 replies

Lou780 · 19/04/2019 18:36

Group of friends ..all live local to each other. I have known one of the friends Mary for 20 yrs.. thought we were close. I supported her through a divorce a couple of yes ago when other friends avoided her.
I also gave her all my notes to help her pass an important course last yr.
She has just announced on group chat of 10 of us that she is having a BBQ party for two of our friends on the chat in her garden on Saturday. It was these two friends bdays yesterday and it is mine on Tuesday. No mention of it being a party for me too.
The two friends have only known Mary for 2 yrs and I am pretty sure not that close. Should this bother me or am I too sensitive?

OP posts:
sleepyyetawake · 19/04/2019 18:37

Are you friends with the other two?

IvanaPee · 19/04/2019 18:38

Maybe she forgot it was your birthday?

user1493413286 · 19/04/2019 18:39

Could it be something though where they don’t have a partner or a family to arrange it and you do? I wouldn’t take offence as I’m sure there’s a good reason why it’s for them and not you

englishdictionary · 19/04/2019 18:39

It's ok for friends to see other friends.

BlueMerchant · 19/04/2019 18:41

Unless there's been other little things that she's said/done lately that have made you think Mary is being 'off' with you then I think maybe this has been an oversight.
I think she's using 'birthdays' as an excuse for a BBQ and there's no malice personally.

VladmirsPoutine · 19/04/2019 18:42

No-one can tell you what you can and cannot be hurt by, so if you are hurt by it then its a valid feeling you're experiencing.

Are you invited? If you've known her for 20 years and feel that you are close then raise it with her rather than stew in silence.

Original poster
Lou780 · 19/04/2019 18:43

We are all friends..met the other two on a course. There are no circumstances were they have no family or need a party..they were surprised by the offer on the chat. We all had a triple joint party last yr.

OP posts:
HopefulAgain10 · 19/04/2019 18:43

Yanbu after 20years she definitely knows your birthday. But some people dont like celebrating before the actual day and rather superstitious. But in that case she should have asked you.

Original poster
Lou780 · 19/04/2019 18:45

Yes I am invited. Everyone on the group chat is.

OP posts:
saraclara · 19/04/2019 18:45

Do you know the other two?

And yep, who knows what casual conversation might have led to, "oh, let's have a barbecue!"
Don't look for trouble where there almost certainly isn't any.

Original poster
Lou780 · 19/04/2019 18:46

She knows it's my bday..we discussed it last week

OP posts:
Original poster
Lou780 · 19/04/2019 18:47

We had a triple party last yrfor a big bday.

OP posts:
IvanaPee · 19/04/2019 18:47

Is yours a big birthday? Could there be a surprise element?

englishdictionary · 19/04/2019 18:48

Omg OP I thought you were posting because your friend invited 2 others. You are invited but you are annoyed because your other friend mentioned 2 birthdays and omitted yours!!

Unless you are 10 years old YABU to get worked up over this.

Original poster
Lou780 · 19/04/2019 18:48

Ivana..we are the same age..celebrated big bday last yr all together

OP posts:
IvanaPee · 19/04/2019 18:49

That’s weird.

Say “will I just bring my own birthday cake then?!” Grin

ahtellthee · 19/04/2019 18:49

I would be hurt, (but not too hurt as no one can be expected to remember everyone's birthdays and it could be a genuine oversight) but rather than seething quietly, I would write ahem and point out that last years celebrations were in fact triple celebrations...

VladmirsPoutine · 19/04/2019 18:49

We all had a triple joint party last yr.

Brilliant. Then send her a message i.e. not the whole group, asking her why this year you seem to have been dropped from the trilogy.

BlueMerchant · 19/04/2019 18:52

Bring yourself a cake and wear a 'Birthday Girl' sash.Grin
Seriously you've known Mary long enough to speak to her and ask why not the triple celebration this year? I'd do it over group chat actually. Others may be wondering too as they'll all remember last years celebration surely.

Expressedways · 19/04/2019 18:54

Am I right in thinking you’re invited? So she’s sent a group message saying she’s having a party to celebrate A and B’s birthdays and it’s your birthday too? If you’ve previously done joint celebrations and she definitely knows it’s your birthday then I agree that’s really weird. Especially if there’s no obvious explanation like they’re single and you’re not, it’s a significant birthday for them but not for you, or you’ve mentioned previously that you’re going away for your birthday weekend.

If you’re invited and you’re free why not reply and say that you’re celebrating your birthday as well that weekend so are really looking forward to the BBQ?

lablablab · 19/04/2019 18:59

I'd chip in with, "don't forget it's my birthday too! Looking forward to celebrating with all my lovely friends!"

She may have forgotten, she might think you don't want celebrate for some reason, anything! But give her the benefit of the doubt. Go and enjoy yourself.

PawPawNoodle · 19/04/2019 19:06

You three shared the party last year because it was a milestone. This year it isn't so I don't see why you'd expect the same.

Mary is throwing a party this week for 2 people that share a birthday this week. Your birthday is next week. Throw your own BBQ on Monday if you're that bothered.

teacherspet · 19/04/2019 19:06

Yanbu it seems like she has deliberately omitted you, i have had this before, in a meaner way. We are still friends but I dont forget.

viques · 19/04/2019 19:15

Maybe the joint birthday celebrants pressured Mary into the birthday announcement by telling her they would be bringing a joint birthday cake...... Or something, I know, clutching at cheese straws here.

I second the bright and breezy reply" looking forward to the BBQ, might be starting my birthday celebrations early this year, yippee, cheers"

RateThisState · 19/04/2019 19:18

I would go and wear a big “birthday girl” badge Grin