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Original poster

To be gobsmacked at this...

55 replies

BingandFlop2019 · 19/04/2019 16:21

Read the second post on this by Yerauldda86 or whatever his username is 😳

www.thedadsnet.com/forums/topic/things-they-didnt-warn-you-about-before-becoming-a-dad/#post-25430

OP posts:
YouSayPotatoesISayVodka · 19/04/2019 17:55

Do you know what? I don’t think he’s a horror at all. He didn’t want to be a dad, he acknowledges that but he is now and he pays child support, takes her out places she enjoys and doesn’t seem to resent her. Some parenting is boring, let’s face it. And exhausting. And pisses you right off. I’ve been known to hide from my kids when they’re getting on my tits. Not for long, but a few minutes of total silence (other than the sounds faraway screeching) does wonders for morale when you’re all out of fucks to give and it’s hours til bedtime.

Boysey45 · 19/04/2019 17:55

If he really didn't want children he should have worn a condom or had a vasectomy, or not shagged.No sympathy at all here.

YouSayPotatoesISayVodka · 19/04/2019 17:56

Im not saying he deserves a medal btw! Just that I sort of get where he’s coming from up til a point.

VladmirsPoutine · 19/04/2019 17:57

I think it's about time people were more honest with themselves and indeed others if they should so choose about their feelings r.e. parenthood.

There've been many a thread on Mumsnet in which women discuss their lack of enthusiasm - to put it mildly - about being a mother. Motherhood is sold as some sort of life-fulfilling amazing feat which in turn leaves those who don't feel that way like failures. It can only be for the greater good if we could all be more honest about our thoughts/feelings/experiences.

InsertFunnyUsername · 19/04/2019 17:58

Although i do agree with parts of parenting being boring, ive mastered the fake "wow that's good" at any mediocre trick children like to show me Blush

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 19/04/2019 17:59

I think it's a shame that he can't see the joy in just making his child happy, making her laugh or just being together. To be honest, very few of us think that Paw Patrol is awesome, or bashing blocks together is the best fun ever. We do it for the pleasure it gives the child, because once you have a child, it stops being all about you and what you like.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 19/04/2019 17:59

I think its fair enough to be honest on a forum like that. He didn't say that he didn't love her. He obviously invests something, either time or money, to "spoil" her, and he appears to have a good idea of her interests even though he doesn't enjoy it himself. Better than leaving the t.v. to babysit all weekend.

He claims to pay up and take her at weekends and hopes that they'll have more in common when she's older. That, for me, would show that he would like for things to be different and he wants to have a better experience of being a dad.

PinkiOcelot · 19/04/2019 18:01

I don’t think he is uninterested though. He said he takes her places and spoils her, that’s showing an interest isn’t it?

HomeMadeMadness · 19/04/2019 18:02

If he really didn't want children he should have worn a condom or had a vasectomy, or not shagged.No sympathy at all here.

What? Would you say the same to a woman whose partner sabotaged the condom? Sorry love you should have had a coil if you didn't want a baby.

WorraLiberty · 19/04/2019 18:02

Nothing wrong with his honesty, in fact it's bound to be a lot more helpful to some other parents out there, who can identify but are too afraid to admit it.

He may well have a lot more in common with his daughter when she's older and start to enjoy parenthood more.

Drum2018 · 19/04/2019 18:03

Fair play to him for being honest. I'm sure there are plenty of parents who feel the same but wouldn't openly admit it. Nothing suggests that his dd is aware of his feelings. Maybe in time he will, as he hopes, feel more connected. If people truly knew how mundane parts of parenting can be and how bloody difficult other parts can be before they embarked on having kids, there would most likely be a much smaller population.

Ilikethinkingupnewnames · 19/04/2019 18:14

I'm sorry but I think you are being holier than thou. It's an anonymous forum, my dh didn't get the kids until they were about 10, still did all the father stuff and kids thought and still think he's amazing. Agree with pp wish we could all be a bit more honest.

JenniferJareau · 19/04/2019 18:15

I feel sorry for him though. Someone he trusted came off the pill and got pregnant when he didn't want children. I suspect there are men who find kids boring but it is taboo to say so.

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom · 19/04/2019 18:17

A lot of children and the parenting of them is boring until they are old enough to be "people" rather than children.

It's not gobsmacking imo it's just unusual to see someone's honest opinion without the explanation of but of course I love them etc

It was worrying to see him talk about the future in term of her developing interests he has rather than a more general once she's older we will have more in common because that makes it sound like if she doesn't ever develop an interest that he cares about (example football) then he won't ever develop a closer relationship with her.

Billben · 19/04/2019 18:17

Fair play to him for being honest. And the person responding with a “So you don’t love your little girl at all” is just being nasty. He never said he had no feelings for his daughter.

InspectorClouseauMNdivision · 19/04/2019 18:24

The fact that he should have also taken control of the contraception, considering he didn't want children?

This is victim blaming. They obviously agreed on form of contraception and she stopped it so she could get pregnant without telling him.

IMHO this is exactly same as condom "stealthing". For which some guys got actually sentenced. This one consented to sex with a certain contraceptive, she witheld it without his knowledge. Same thing.

saraclara · 19/04/2019 18:25

He's invested enough in his role to be on a dad's version of mumsnet. And since we try to empathise with mothers who are struggling with the reality of their role, we owe it to men (particularly someone in his position) to try to empathise with him, too.

NoBaggyPants · 19/04/2019 18:25

Looking at her other posts Lauren Hall seems a particularly unpleasant, judgmental character, who has signed up solely to have digs at people looking for support.

NoSauce · 19/04/2019 18:28

It is what it is. At least he sees her and spends time taking her out. Yes it’s a shame he’s not exactly father of the year but there’s so many more dead beat dads out there that makes this man look ok.

Klopptimist · 19/04/2019 18:32

I agree NoBaggy, 'Lauren Hall' sounds dreadful. A real misandrist.

Unclutch your pearls OP, not everyone worships at the altar of the child. It is OK to admit that children and parenthood can be boring. I would go so far as to say it is harmful to pretend it isn't.

Yes, maybe this man should have worn a condom. But he didn't because the person he trusted told him it was safe. The man did not know she hadn't taken her pill or whatever, therefore did not give informed consent to have sex.

Original poster
BingandFlop2019 · 19/04/2019 18:33

@Meandmetoo I haven't commented on the thread? That's not me...

OP posts:
Original poster
BingandFlop2019 · 19/04/2019 18:42

@Klopptimist @NoBaggyPants I dunno... I just looked at her other posts and she's only commented on one other thread where the OP is seemingly trying to find out if he can have his baby's mother 'done' for "pregnancy without consent' 🤣 And also has kids to two other women (not judging that but he doesn't seem particularly careful so I kinda agree with her!)

OP posts:
Original poster
BingandFlop2019 · 19/04/2019 18:49

Oh and @Klopptimist I never mentioned birth control or being careful?

OP posts:
AndOutComeTheBoobs · 19/04/2019 18:56

Fair enough, I don't blame him.

Parenting can be boring.

I couldn't wait to be a mum and I still find some of it boring.

He has said that he hopes to have a better future with her, a better bond and he sees her regularly.

I can't see the issue. The guy is being honest. It's better than some feckless fathers who come in and out. Take and give nothing back, abuse and hurt the mums or are just cock lodgers.
Or many of the husbands who live and work but do absolutely fuck all for the home or family.

The guy on here is just being honest.

mabelsgarden · 19/04/2019 19:05

@Nesssie I think he’s actually coming across decent. He never wanted children, was tricked in to having one.

Do people still buy into this ridiculous, laughable bollocks? That women 'trick' men into having a baby? Confused That usually comes from men who haven't been arsed to use contraception properly and adequately. So it's easier to say 'she trapped me.' (See also mothers of adult sons. They also love to blame their son's girlfriend or wife, as if she got pregnant on her own!)

I suppose you (and a few others) think she went and 'got herself pregnant!' Confused Yep, I have heard people say that!

From the way that vile man on that thread is speaking; awful misogynistic spiteful comments, I don't believe a word he is saying about being 'trapped.' I bet he agreed to have the child, but now wants to bail because he finds it 'boring.'

Good job not everyone is like that. What a horrible man.

The only thing that leaves me 'gobsmacked' is how some posters on here are virtually blaming the mother of the child for everything, and saying he sounds fine! I can't believe anyone would defend this man. He sounds awful.

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