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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel overwhelmed?

69 replies

mcjx · 19/04/2019 14:04

I honestly don't know what's wrong with me. I'm 37 weeks pregnant and I feel so emotional and teary that I just burst out crying Confused

DP's brother has turned up at our house again, he's here all the time, expects to be fed at lunch and teatime and then dropped off by me late at night. I already don't have much petrol or money until next week to fill up the car which was fine as I wasn't planning to go anywhere anyway as I'm feeling so shit and tired. DP's brother lives about a 15 minute drive away and to be honest I can't be arsed dropping him off.

Boyfriends mum is also coming tomorrow in the afternoon and often stays well into the night. Usually I get on with her but she talks a hell of a lot, helps herself to endless amounts of coffee and uses a ton of milk and then leaves.

I'm just not in the mood for visitors or socialising - haven't even seen my own family for a few days.

I feel like I'm being stupid and pathetic but I just needed to let it off my chest Sad

OP posts:
checkingforballoons · 19/04/2019 14:19

Why not channel your rage into writing a helpful to-do list for visiting family when the baby arrives?
‘Here you go DP’s brother, if you’d like to start with putting a wash on.. Really appreciate you coming over to help!’ Grin

IvanaPee · 19/04/2019 14:20

Tell your DP NOW that nobody is welcome to stay when baby is born.

And if he doesn’t like it he can fuck off home with his brother.

I promise you that if you don’t stop this NOW years from now it will become worse and there’ll be an innocent child dragged into the middle of it.

Original poster
mcjx · 19/04/2019 14:21

@checkingforballoons a brilliant idea and I'm sure it would put them off coming!

OP posts:
leonasa · 19/04/2019 14:21

Oh my goodness OP you are so not unreasonable, your post has literally just made me glad I'm pregnant and alone and I don't feel like that often.

You absolutely have to tell your DP to sort his family out, and as for spending a few days with you the very week the baby is born the brother is taking the absolute piss. You have got to put your foot down, and frankly your DP should be being much more considerate.

MummBraTheEverLeaking · 19/04/2019 14:23

They're ripping the piss! My sibling used to ask for the odd lift to work and I said when I got to 35 weeks no more, I needed to rest and they respected that. And I said definitely not once I had a newborn, which they respected too.

Imagine being with a newborn, in the middle of sleep deprivation, just wanting some peace and quiet for baby and to hang about with your boobs out....and imagine him still there, helping himself to your stuff and expecting to be ferried round!

YANBU - put your foot down with your partner, get him to stop being so bloody generous with YOUR time. You need time with just you and your partner to prepare for the new arrival, so he can piss off and find someone else to sponge off!

pigsDOfly · 19/04/2019 14:26

Why on earth is everything falling on you.

DP's brother has found his way to you house so he can find his way home again.

And you don't have to stay up into the night and entertain your DP's mother.

What's the matter with these people? You're 37 week pregnant, if you feel tired and weepy then you need to rest, no question, not be running people around or entertaining. If you DP wants his family there he can entertain them himself.

You're not being stupid and pathetic.

Take care of yourself and refused to be pushed into doing things you don't feel up to.

It might lift you a bit to take a little walk in the sunshine, or you could sit in the garden or park, or just spend the day in bed, whatever suits you.

Your DP should be looking after you not expecting you to ferry his brother around and entertain his mother.

Original poster
mcjx · 19/04/2019 14:33

DP doesn't understand why I'm upset. I give up.

OP posts:
EL8888 · 19/04/2019 14:35

Totally not a twat. His family are rude and demanding. Tell your DP that you are tired and need rest. I vote you sit in your garden or in the park with an ice lolly

EL8888 · 19/04/2019 14:36

PS now is a good time to start managing people’s expectations about you running around doing lots of stuff for other people. When the baby comes you will be too busy

Original poster
mcjx · 19/04/2019 14:40

Just been told to shut up by DP when he asked what's wrong. Lovely

OP posts:
justthecat · 19/04/2019 14:41

You need to stop this now, it’ll be worse once baby comes.
Put your foot down now. Nobody here is telling you it’s ok.

justthecat · 19/04/2019 14:42

Wow, he told you to shut up?
I’d send him back to his mother, insensitive idiot

MummBraTheEverLeaking · 19/04/2019 14:46

Agree, send them all packing, HIM included! He should be taking care of your every need, not telling you to shut up, you're carrying his baby for goodness sake!

Original poster
mcjx · 19/04/2019 15:05

God he's such a fucking arse I could kill him

OP posts:
tashac89 · 19/04/2019 15:10

No point arguing with a child. Just say what needs to be said and take yourself off somewhere.

IvanaPee · 19/04/2019 15:14

Just been told to shut up by DP when he asked what's wrong. Lovely

He wouldn’t be the first man to show his true colours during a pregnancy.

So what are you going to do, OP?

Original poster
mcjx · 19/04/2019 15:17

@IvanaPee Goodness knows. I've had a massive go at him saying he needs to pull his weight more around the house and that I don't think he understands how truly exhausting being pregnant is.

I can now hear him downstairs tidying the kitchen, as if that will suffice! Hmm

OP posts:
MrsXx4 · 19/04/2019 15:22

I have t read everything but just wanted to say that YANBU! I had my baby at just over 37 weeks and he was my first!!! It is exhausting and you could literally have the new arrival at any time! You shouldn’t be expected to be driving anyone anywhere right now! That’s so rude! X

Original poster
mcjx · 19/04/2019 15:26

Thanks @MrsXx4, glad I'm not the only one!

OP posts:
IvanaPee · 19/04/2019 15:28

Do you think he’ll change though?

I mean, thinking YABU for not skivvying after his family then telling you to shut up? That’s pretty bad!

What did he say when you said you won’t bring his brother home?

Original poster
mcjx · 19/04/2019 15:32

@IvanaPee I hope so. I've told him that I don't want visitors 24/7 when baby arrives so I hope he takes it on board and puts his foot down when it comes to his family.

He said it was fine that I couldn't take him home and that his nan would come to collect DB - it's only fine on this occasion because he's been dropped off by his uncle. If nan had dropped him off here she wouldn't have collected him as well. Even she knows the drive to and from is a pisstake.

OP posts:
Holidayshopping · 19/04/2019 15:34

How does his brother get to yours in the first place?

You need to tell your DP it ends here. No more lifts as it’s taking the piss-you’re heavily pregnant and will then have a baby. What did he say when you said you won’t be driving the brother home later?

Does his brother drive? What the hell did they all do before you were on the scene?!

I would say you’re knackered and don’t want company-he can go to his mum’s tomorrow and leave you at home to rest.

Please don’t let the last few days of your pregnancy spoiled by other people’s wants getting put before you and yours.

Original poster
mcjx · 19/04/2019 15:39

@Holidayshopping dnan drops him off. I think they made some sort of agreement between themselves that she would bring him and I would take him home! Hmm it's just not on and it definitely won't be happening when babys here. He stays until quite late at night too.

They have a small family, only their nan and uncle have cars but uncle is a lazy sod and never gives anybody a lift usually. The only reason he brought him here today was because they went playing golf this morning so he was dropping DP off anyway.

DPs brother is currently taking driving lessons but is not planning on getting a car once he's passed as he can't afford it. Kinda defeats the object of taking lessons imo

OP posts:
Holidayshopping · 19/04/2019 15:51

How dare they just decide between them that you-the heavily pregnant one-will take him home much later?! How old are they?!

I think your boyfriend needs to learn to drive if he can or you will be responsible not only for driving him around, but also his brother and all your kids!

How will your boyfriend’s mum get to yours and home again tomorrow?

TheGodmother · 19/04/2019 16:08

Oh Lordy what kind of family have you got yourself involved with? Your DP told you to shut up when you were crying?

You need to stand up to these CFs right now, well done for taking the first step. Are you scared of your partner at all?

Is your mum local? Could you go there over Easter and get spoiled for a few days?

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