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Original poster

To believe that success is the be all and end all?

34 replies

Theresa2 · 19/04/2019 12:02

What do you constitute as ‘success’ for your DC?

Would you be disappointed in them if they did not get a high paying job in the city, or would you be happy for them if they were just happy themselves?

What constitutes good ‘achievement’ in life? Going to uni? Having friends? A car? A house?

OP posts:
Liverbird77 · 19/04/2019 12:04

Success would be for them to be genuinely happy and fulfilled. I would also be terribly disappointed if they didn't grow up to be kind and polite (whilst able to stand up for themselves too).

Nighttimenope · 19/04/2019 12:18

It is not. Love is everything.
I and my older brother got straight A’s in school, my younger siblings have so far achieved a mix of grades from As to Ds. We brought home every report card to the same reaction from our parents- warmth and praise where we had ‘excellents ’ under ‘behaviour’ and ‘effort’ and quizzing/probing/censure where we hadn’t met those standards. They didn’t ignore grades but very much focussed on us developing as personalities and characters and our responsibilities as individuals.
My parents are still raising their children but so far this approach has produced a happily married engineer working in central London, a happily married stay-at-home mum of three, a nearly qualified adult nurse who has excelled in her practical work and a nearly-policeman. My dad was a minister and my mum was a stay at home mum until we outgrew the toddler years and she retrained as a primary teacher. I don’t understand why anyone would measure their success as parents or our success as individuals on material things like our grades, jobs, wealth or anything else. They clearly absolutely nailed it.

UCOinanOCG · 19/04/2019 12:28

I consider my DDs to be successful.

DD1 did well at uni and has a job she adores in London where she lives with her partner. It isn't a high paying job but it plays to her strengths and she has enough money to enjoy her life. She is happy and content and that is all i could ask for.

DD2 is about to graduate uni. She has really found herself over the past 3 years and i am happy that she is happy. I don't know what her future holds in terms of employment yet but i am sure she will find something she enjoys.

Success doesn't not have to be measured in finances. I think is better measured in terms of happiness.

Alsohuman · 19/04/2019 12:32

Success is being happy and fulfilled, comfortable in your own skin, authentic. Money can’t buy any of those things.

adaline · 19/04/2019 12:34

Success to me is happiness. I don't care what job my kids do so long as they're happy and have an enjoyable life.

Money doesn't buy happiness - it doesn't buy you good relationships or a nice family or emotional fulfilment.

Of course nobody wants to see their children struggle but I'd rather they earned 20k and had happy lives than they earned 100k and were miserable.

brizzlemint · 19/04/2019 12:35

Success = happiness, whatever that looks like for your DCs.

I was brought up to believe that all mattered was getting right to the top of your career if not higher and that nothing else at all was worthwhile. Total screwed me and DBro up so we are bringing up our mutual children very differently.

Smellbellina · 19/04/2019 12:35

I’ll be honest I would be disappointed if I felt I’d failed to help my DC reach their potential, whatever that may be

ThanksDriver · 19/04/2019 12:36

I just want mine to be happy. I don’t care what they do for work (would rather they did work if able) but all I want for them is happiness.

I’ve spent my whole life trying to not let my parents down and I don’t want that pressure for them.

SignOnTheWindow · 19/04/2019 13:04

Yes, money alone doesn't buy happiness. A certain amount of it though, can provide some of conditions for happiness - choices and a sense of security. What that amount is, obviously varies.

I want them to be able to enjoy life, whatever that means for them.

turnedToInsult · 19/04/2019 13:43

A large part of happiness is security; of course money contributes to this.

It also buys opportunities and experiences.

You can be wealthy or poor and happy, of course.

gettingimpatient222 · 19/04/2019 13:45

Success is being happy, decent, loved and fulfilled. While money can help achieve a lot in life it's not the be all and end all. I don't care what job my ds ends up doing providing he works hard to support himself and has a good work ethic.

My biggest hope is that he will be broad minded, tolerant and kind. He's only 7 and he's already all of those things so let's hope it sticks!

Thatsnotmyotter · 19/04/2019 13:47

DS is just a baby but all I want for him is to grow up to be kind and to care about the planet and the people living in it. Of course I want him to be happy too, no matter what that means to him or how he achieves it.

LittleChristmasMouse · 19/04/2019 13:54

Success for me is that they are happy.

Limensoda · 19/04/2019 13:54

Now I'm older, having 'things' is of little importance to me. Time matters,good health and being content matters and my children and grandchildren matter,so for me, I want them to realise this sooner in life rather than later.

AlunWynsKnee · 19/04/2019 14:03

Success would be be happy, secure and in a loving relationship of some kind.

Babuchak · 19/04/2019 14:03

Being happy, financially independent and doing something they love.

Having a job for the sake of it is not what's life is about, I don't want them to ever feel stuck in a horrible place because they feel they have to. Having enough money in the bank to afford a decent lifestyle, and be able to pack everything away if needed.

A "high paying job in the city" means absolutely nothing in itself. They will be successful when they can describe what they do with a smile, make money out of it and are excited to get up in the morning. I am bracing myself that it is likely to mean they will end up moving abroad, but good luck if they do.

DDIJ · 19/04/2019 14:08

This reply has been withdrawn

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runningtogetskinny · 19/04/2019 14:14

My DD didn't get the grades she was capable of, left school and left an apprenticeship she'd started as it wasn't the right career for her. She has a job she enjoys though earns not much more than min wage (she's 21). However, she is polite, caring, and used her only day off to take my elderly mother and her elderly friend to her neighbours funeral, waited then drove them to the crematorium, waited, then took them to the gathering afterwards - without being asked. For me, that is success

AnnieMay100 · 19/04/2019 14:14

Success to me is being happy and content with how your life turned out. Nothing at all to do with money. You can be successful in a low paid crap job but having done everything in life you intended comfortably and feeling content by the end of your life, or rich in a high paid job but unfulfilled and unhappy for the rest of your life. It’s whatever you make it. I’ve never been successful in my career unfortunately but it never stopped me owning my own home, being proud of my life and having wonderful children so that’s enough for me.

Stompythedinosaur · 19/04/2019 14:16

I would be disappointed if they didn't grow up to be kind people. All I want is for them to be kind and happy.

Babuchak · 19/04/2019 14:22

DDIJ
Friends and family openly commiserate with them at social occasions.

that's awful! Are you happy? That's the only thing that matters, who cares about the others. If you are not, I sincerely hope you find the way to achieve what would make you happy, for yourself, not because some people think you have to be one of the Joneses.

THEsonofaBITCH · 19/04/2019 14:25

Success is literally the be all and end all. Its how its defined that matters.
I want my DC to be happy however they define that, I would be disappointed if they were just after money to keep score against their peers. One wants to be a scientist to help solve illnesses, one wants to work in the arts and one wants to be a politician to lead the world (hopefully in a good direction though when 4 he wanted to be the absolute ruler of the world!).

wheresmymojo · 19/04/2019 14:27

I'm perhaps a little more mercenary than PP.

Overall I'd want them to be contented and happy. Personally I've found that money contributes to this....two or three nice holidays a year, nice home with plenty of space, etc.

Sure...that's nothing without friends and family but the two aren't mutually exclusive.

I wouldn't want them to be rich and miserable but I'd like to think I can help them fulfil their potential enough to be content, nice people and financially comfortable.

soulrunner · 19/04/2019 14:31

I hope they grow up to be fulfilled, feel that their lives have purpose and have good relationships with family and friends. Also, the older I get the more I appreciate good health.

HomeMadeMadness · 19/04/2019 14:32

I'd like them to find something their passionate about and to earn enough money at it to be comfortable. I would hope they're not lonely in their life so Id hope they have friends and a partner if they want one. I hope if they want kids they can have them.

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