To carry on Co-sleeping ?

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Because it’s turned sleepless nights into a 6 hour stretch?

Baby is 13 weeks and we got a Cozee crib and tilted it for reflux at 5 weeks.

THe mattress seems quite hard but he didn’t really settle in the Moses basket.

Anyway a week ago I got sick of the thrashing and lifted him from the cozee to our bed where he settled and I woke up 7 hours later with him in the same position

I’m not breastfeeding so I’m not safe according to the safe 7 co sleep rules but when he stirs for milk at 5 am I wake up - 2 am one of the nights but even then he goes back to sleep after so waking up isn’t a problem

I feel like a different woman now I’m sleeping and see the pic, we want to arrange this kid of thing next week.

Because it was unplanned and I’m not breastfeeding it seems really deviant from the ‘firm flat mattress in own space’ as per the NHS but it works so well.

AIBU and any comment all’s?

That pic is not co-sleeping as it's a separate mattress and cot and baby isn't in bed with you. It's the same as Snuzpod, Next2Me, etc. where they are level with your mattress and one side comes down. Isn't the Cozee a side sleeper like the pic anyway? If it's the Tutti Bambini, the side comes down and it's basically the same as the picture.

True co-sleeping is having the baby in the bed with you on same mattress, not in a separate cot attached to the side.

Sorry, baby is currently in same bed and that set up is for when she is a bit older, instead of a separate cot

Sorry, arrange next week was the plan we now think older so that looks weird on my post.

That said, I was hoping for something constructive not just a lesson of how I may have described something wrong.

For now I want to have HIM IN MY BED = CO SLEEP

And I know separate cot with side Down isn’t co sleeping either, I took him out and co slept

I expect a lot of mums on here have co-slept, either out desperation or because it’s actually quite natural.

However, it comes with risks and no one will want to tell you it’s ok because only you can decide what level or risk you are comfortable with. There are safe co-sleeping rules however, as you point out, you’re not breastfeeding which makes it less safe.

Do you have a very firm mattress on your bed (definitely no memory foam!), are all lose covers and pillows kept far away? Do you drink alcohol or smoke? Does someone else share your bed? There are so many factors to consider.

Why would breastfeeding make a difference as to whether co-sleeping is safe or not? I don't remember reading that when I was looking at how to co-sleep safely.

FWIW, I didn't breastfeed and I co-slept with my baby. Made for a better nights sleep all round.

No need to get arsey because you wrote the wrong thing in your post I was explaining the difference because if you did just mean the cot beside bed then it isn't co-sleeping and you wouldn't have to worry about it...

Anyway, no one here can tell you it's safe or not. It's something you have to weight
M up for yourself. We don't co-sleep as DD is a great sleeper but I probably would if she was crap, as the risk of me driving while tired or looking after her while exhausted is more tangible to me than the risk of SIDS as we fit all the safer criteria: breastfeeding, non smokers, etc. As with everything in parenting, it's about doing your own research and seeing what you're comfortable with.

Its more that breastfeeding reduces risk of SIDS in general, whether co-sleeping or not.

What are you actually asking, OP? You've jumped down someone's throat based on them answering your slightly muddled first post...

You want to know if you can carry on 'proper' cosleeping in the bed, I see, but you've posted a pic of a side sleeper in your original.

It's quite normal to co sleep! Almost all the parents I know all do or did it.

It seems the most natural way to sleep too and must be quite normal in many cultures

I've no idea about either btw as I've not yet had our first child, opened out of interest as we have bought a next to me cot and I hate the idea of cosleeping but I often read the threads as it seems to the be the thing to do..

Celly I see what you mean now.

A rare on AIBU - I’m sorry (and really am LOL)

It was useful you mentioned breastfeeding as a general thing about SIDS, someone said if I am FF it means I am less linked with the baby and less linkednto the baby

I shouldn’t post when trying to hold him

I give up hahahahaha

I think one of the reasons bf’ing is one of the things that makes co-sleeping slightly safer is that you are very physically reactive and attuned to your baby when you’re bf. it’s not a given or in anyway a slight to mothers who ff but physically it’s evidenced by things like milk letting down when you hear your baby cry etc. It just makes it slightly safer.

Full disclosure I bf and coslept (still do the later to be honest and dd is much, much older) and even through it meant more sleep it doesn’t mean particularly great quality sleep.

You seem well informed and clued up enough to implement what you can to be safe so I would say that if the sleep is a big enough gain then you do what you need to.

Formula fed babies (generally) sleep more deeply and wake less frequently. That’s why it’s considered less safe.

I don't really know what people are supposed to say in this situation. You know it's dangerous but you've completed a risk assessment in your head and decided it's for the best. That's your decision.

I've never coslept and wouldn't either. I will never forget my friend crying on the phone after her night in a&e with a mother who had rolled onto her baby and killed them. Accidents can happen in any situation and one could argue an exhausted parent is as dangerous however. That's why this is so nuanced and people just need to do what they think they need to do and accept the risks that come with it

Why would breastfeeding make a difference as to whether co-sleeping is safe or not?

Several reasons.

1. women who BF are physically more attuned to the baby and sleep more lightly next to them, making them less likely to roll on them
2. women who BF tend to instinctively adopt the same position - baby at breast height well below pillows, on their side with an arm thrown out above the baby's head. This makes it very unlikely they will roll towards the baby and keeps baby well away from pillows and the top of the bed. Women who FF tended to put the baby higher in bed, closer to the pillows
3. no matter where a baby is sleeping, a breastfed one is less likely to experience SIDS.

I hate the idea of cosleeping

I did too! Unfortunately the transition from Moses basket to cot was disastrous and teething was grim. I broke spectacularly when I went back to work - sleep is awesome.

I’m a big believer in doing whatever works to get you through it.

Safe co sleeping isnt dangerous. That's why it's called safe co sleeping. Repeat ad fucking nauseum

OP:whatever gets you some sleep.i didnt want to do it either but its getting me more than not doing it did.
Also - actually not many babies have reflux. What are/were his symptoms? I ask this because I was sure DS had reflux. Turns out he just likes nighttime cuddles

I didn’t want to co sleep ether I just couldn’t believe he settled.

Regarding the not waking up easily, when he was shuffling for food (before crying) at 2am I still woke up.

It’s so hard because sleeping has transformed my PND.

I took away my pillow.

He does edge up nearer my face over the night.

I do understand this is a personal decision so thanks for all the advice so far

Reflux. Spits up a lot and nearly choked to death at 2 weeks old.

I honestly think if mothers slept better PND rates would tumble

Follow the advice, as best you can, and get some shut eye. He wont be doing it when he's 18.

Unless he has his own little Moses basket in your bed it’s not safe. But sure, go ahead and risk it. Honestly what are you thinking? I’ve seen way too many parents at a&e sobbing saying “if only we had/hadn’t...” You’ll look back and wish the worst thing in your life was a lack of sleep, not the lack of a baby.

And believe me, one night I looked at him and said to myself

‘Out of the Safe Co-Sleep 7 I am not breastfeeding, Am I doing something dangerous’

You know, dangerous.

PND also started with not being able to breastfeed to!

Anyway I DO appreciate no one can tell me, these opinions do help.

Thank you 🙏🏼

Safe co sleeping isnt dangerous. That's why it's called safe co sleeping. Repeat ad fucking nauseum

There is no such thing as safe co-sleeping. There is safer cosleeping.