To carry on Co-sleeping ?

[CrashOverride]

Because it’s turned sleepless nights into a 6 hour stretch?

Baby is 13 weeks and we got a Cozee crib and tilted it for reflux at 5 weeks.

THe mattress seems quite hard but he didn’t really settle in the Moses basket.

Anyway a week ago I got sick of the thrashing and lifted him from the cozee to our bed where he settled and I woke up 7 hours later with him in the same position

I’m not breastfeeding so I’m not safe according to the safe 7 co sleep rules but when he stirs for milk at 5 am I wake up - 2 am one of the nights but even then he goes back to sleep after so waking up isn’t a problem

I feel like a different woman now I’m sleeping and see the pic, we want to arrange this kid of thing next week.

Because it was unplanned and I’m not breastfeeding it seems really deviant from the ‘firm flat mattress in own space’ as per the NHS but it works so well.

AIBU and any comment all’s?

@Ihatehashtags

I have options, we have a Cozee sleeper and we have thought about persevering with that instead.

You post tho as if killing my baby (which is what this thread is about) is a given.

Fucking not breastfeeding has ruined so many things in so many ways.

It's safer cosleeping, not safe. What is "safe", after all? Are your stairs safe? Is your car safe? Is your breakfast safe? There are degrees of risk in everything, and I say that as someone who coslept with both of mine.

I'm a big advocate of safer co-sleeping for the sanity of parents and lovely snuggles for babies, but I'm honestly not sure what I would have done had I been formula feeding. Probably coslept anyway with my first or else I would have lost my mind, and just done my absolute best to make it as safe as possible every other way.

Good luck OP.

You watch I'll be on here in three months asking the same question OP 😂

I'm not staying I'm against cosleeping as a 'thing' but in my FTM ideal world baby brain I've a real mental block about it so it's good to follow discussions like this

@crashoveride, I’m sorry breastfeeding didn’t work out for you

I could list the many negatives with it but I don’t think that would be helpful (please correct me if I’m wrong and I’ll gladly have a moan - I’m practically an Olympian moaner!) but I will say that bf is such a tiny, tiny part of parenting that the importance you have placed on it needs to be put in perspective. It’s so emotive because it’s a biological function and your body is programmed to think that’s the only way it can tell your baby is getting fed. We know that’s not true though. You can look at your baby and know that everything you provide and do for them is the absolute best that you are able to and they’re healthy and happy.

The emotions around feeding your children don’t go away, you get a fussy eater and you feel like a failure, your child eats a tiny amount you feel like a failure, your child becomes a bit too chubby you feel like a failure, you lovingly prepare balanced home cooked meals and they want sodding toast... Everyone has had a moment where they feel like they’re failing the basics with it. Truth is that very rarely is what your child consumes so wrong that there are problems, like actual medical problems. I think In a society abundant with food we’ve perhaps become a little bit over complicated with our attitudes.

The baby phase will be over soon enough and no one will ever give a flying shite how your baby was fed because ultimately it’s just not that important despite how it feels now.

Sleep, however, is very important and you do what you need to

Thanks for the chat anime breastfeeding

I was okay until I found co sleeping made my baby sleep, and now because of not breastfeeding it’s all out the window.

The implication - not on this thread I’m not being sarcastic I asked for advice - is that I’m going to kill baby because of this one missing link. One I fought so hard for after we left the special care unit (he was term just a bit ill)

Oh well, I can’t deny facts.

That said, a lot of deaths are linked to drink and drugs.

The fact people like me who won’t tell their HV they are doing this for fear of judgement skews much needed figures

Everything with having a child is so open for judgement and it's always mother's who are on the receiving end.

If cosleeping works for you OP and you have read all the guidelines and are following them, I don't see that you should have a problem with it. Yes tragedies happen but you have to weigh up the benefits and risks and make an informed decision.

Don't let some random people on the internet make you feel bad. As long as you and your baby are happy, that's all that matters. Sending good thoughts your way, wherever you are 💕

There's some really good research freely available from Durham Universities sleep lab on co-sleeping that you should look at.

The NHS guidelines are based on research done in the 70s and 80s which didn't differentiate between smokers, drinkers, non smokers etc. The more recent research which does differentiate shows co-sleeping to be as safe (if not marginally safer) than not co-sleeping for some groups of women.

I'm a first timer and overdue, but I don't think FF automatically makes cosleeping totally unsafe.
You sound like you are just doing your best. The lack of sleep and struggles with feeding must have been really hard.

There's some helpful sleep info here (this is the Durham uni work mentioned by a pp).
www.basisonline.org.uk

Longer term a side cot ASAP does make good sense, in part just for your peace of mind.

Thanks for the links, I’ll take a look.

Over the time I’ve had a baby I’ve spoke to other people and 2 people put babies in own room at 6 weeks as he normal baby chuntering and snorting was bothering them

It’s bothered me for weeks but all I did was not sleep when they did.

As stated all I did one night was lay her down on my bed and SNAP asleep.

I looked on in awe. Removed my pillow and tried to sleep.

I slept.

I follow all the guidelines except breastfeeding

So it’s a conundrum.

About breastfeeding too, the whole process was harrowing, I will never be the same again.

He was ill when born and wouldn’t latch.

Him in a hospital bed and my dream of being a breastfeeder shattered my heart to a million pieces

Now I’m sleeping I enjoy my life more.

But I sleep at the risk of KILLING my baby.

I coslept with both mine. One mixed fed the other exclusive bf. You both sleep and baby feels safe next to you. Look at cosleeping stats in Asia where its the norm.

Honestly OP I think I'm right in saying the deaths that have happened as a result or co sleeping are almost always (I wont say always) a result of not following the guidelines. The people putting their babies in their own room at 6 weeks are also not following guidelines!
I panicked myself rotten about it. Now I've relaxed. You need sleep. A massively overtired parent is a MUCH greater risk to a baby.

I think this is a very sensible leaflet OP

on any night 22% of babies will sleep in with their parent