Hi all,
My dilemma is that I began my relationship with my in laws on a very naive note. I took their backhanded compliments as I’m just sensitive.. believed their love bombing. Thought I can earn their trust one day and they will back away from questioning everything I do...
I tried to make them like me and my family, who they said crap about... I invited them to my mums house. Introduced my sil to my cousin..
Now my mum and MIL was encouraged by me to get close. They knew each other before but Weren’t close. My cousin and SIL became friends as I used to take them out together (SIL was young at the time). Me my cousin were like sisters.
It took me a while to get out of the fog and realise what was happening. That I was being controlled and that they were branching into my personal life to dig out ammunition for their narcissistic behaviour.. good two or three years in and I went no contact to limited contact.
Bare in mind the relationship between my in laws and my own family was mainly through me. They did used to send forwards or so but not close enough for conversations and meet ups unless I initiate it.
So when I went low contact, still see them on occasions every month or so and I call them. But I keep personal space... my mil and sil started initiating deeper contact with my cousin (she is an 19 yo) and love bombing her... and my mother, who is a very naive woman...
I have told my mother what I’ve been through.. and my cousin. As well as my cousins mother.. but it seems they chose to believe it being difficult because mil is being very generous with her love to them..
I know I can’t really control my families relationship with whoever they wish... but is it unreasonable to feel they don’t really care about me enough? And is it unreasonable for me to be weirded out by the sudden wanting one-on-one with my cousin and over investment, seeing it as a way to control me?
In the past they had used said cousin to humiliate me, i informed her. They told me things like how they think my husband fancies her (utter bollocks) and they really tried to get between us.. so now I’m having to cut contact with my cousin because I feel they’re doing the same about me to her.. I love her and I’m very hurt .
I think I’m being unreasonable but I need some help seeing it from the other point of view. Because I feel like the very people I needed support from are now taken away from me and they don’t realise how they’re affecting me.