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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bumping into person I unfriended

34 replies

Socialmedium · 18/04/2019 07:09

Former close friend but we'd grown apart of late. No falling out, just lives going in opposite directions. I'd tried hard to keep the friendship going but she seemed disinterested - always too busy to meet up etc. In the end I gave up and not heard from her since.

We remained friends on social media but she mainly ignored me there too (not liking/reacting to posts etc). She appears to have some new friends and is often tagged in pictures on nights out etc with them. The other day, after seeing another of these posts, I saw red and hit the unfriend button.

I'm now somewhat regretting this and wish I'd unfollowed instead. We have a number of mutual friends both on and off-line and live in the same town so it's inevitable we'll bump into each other sooner or later. In fact, we have done a few times since we grew apart and she'd always been pleasant & friendly but with no committment to meet up. I'll admit I'm a bit nervous about her reaction towards me the next time our paths cross and am I unsure how to act towards her also.

AIBU?

OP posts:
BeanBag7 · 18/04/2019 07:21

I think YABU to worry about this so much. Its social media and you are (presumably) grown adults so it shouldn't affect your life. If she gets offended or upset by this she probably isn't worth the bother.

If she questions it just say you are trying to cut down your social media presence so you've "unfriended" some people who you dont interact with very often.

LostInShoebiz · 18/04/2019 07:23

Not the most mature set of actions so make sure you’re very mature about this going forward: head held high, pleasant, no explanations or apologies, nice and breezy if she speaks to you.

sonjadog · 18/04/2019 07:24

Does she have many fb friends? She may not have noticed.

englishdictionary · 18/04/2019 07:25

e remained friends on social media but she mainly ignored me there too (not liking/reacting to posts etc).

Are you sure that's deliberate? I can't remember the last time I lied a post on Facebook!

KC225 · 18/04/2019 07:27

I've done to loads of people, don't say anything. And had it done to me. Chances are she won't have noticed. I take it as people don't want to read my comments on Rate my plate, or see all the photos I like on guinea pig forum. Just the same as I am not interested in 20 baby photos from a work colleagues Portuguese second cousin.

BendydickCuminsnatch · 18/04/2019 07:28

I thought this might be about me for a sec, but unless you’re leaving out verbally attacking me in a cafe then I think not 😄 I wouldn’t worry about bumping into this friend, it’s clear she was happy to let the friendship drift and so there’s no need for awkwardness. If you both notice each other, just give a friendly smile/wave a keep moving. She probably hasn’t even noticed yet that you’ve unfriended her. Just be civil, wish her well in your own head, get on with your life. No big loss by the sounds of it!

screamifyouwant · 18/04/2019 07:28

No and if you don't see her you've nothing to worry about.
People unfriend each other all the time for various reasons . What can she say anyway ?

MrsChanandlerBongg · 18/04/2019 07:28

I un-friended someone that added me (acquaintances, have mutual friends) then when saw her in public, she'd ignore and avoid me. Which is fine, but I can't be bothered with people like that so removed her. A few weeks later, she started working in the salon I work in. I didn't necessarily care, but was prepared for her to say something and she's been as nice as pie since. But that's just what she's like, apparently. I don't know why you care so much.

SuperMoonIsKeepingMeUpToo · 18/04/2019 07:30

If she questions it just say you are trying to cut down your social media presence so you've "unfriended" some people who you dont interact with very often.

^^This is excellent advice!

Singlenotsingle · 18/04/2019 07:30

She won't even notice. You don't get a message to say you've been unfriended!

beachyhead · 18/04/2019 07:31

Why did you 'see red' when you saw her out with friends? Confused

Frume · 18/04/2019 07:34

YABU. I'm not friends with anyone online who I wouldn't say hi to in the street. Obviously excluding people in different countries.

But jeez, it's a sad world we're living in when this is the sort of thing people worry about!

azulmariposa · 18/04/2019 07:53

She might not follow your posts, or you may now show up on her Facebook feed. Likes are not a validation of friendship.

Either you are very young, or just acting very childish for getting jealous that she has new friends and is out having fun with them. Sounds like her lack of effort in the friendship is a kind way of backing out of the friendship. Tbh I don't blame her, who would want a possessive friend that doesn't want her to be friends with anyone else.

Margot33 · 18/04/2019 07:55

Ive done this too! I ended up coming off fb for a while so when I saw people and they asked, I just explained I'm not on it! Only recently deactivated it after a year..it's still crap! 😂

Chickychoccyegg · 18/04/2019 08:08

She's unlikely to mention it or care, especially as it seems you're no longer friends and just 2 people who used to be friends that have drifted apart, dont give it any further thought.

Oblomov19 · 18/04/2019 08:09

You saw Red? After she'd been on a few nights out. Very odd reaction. Don't you think you reacted petulantly?

Original poster
Socialmedium · 18/04/2019 08:22

Maybe "hurt" is a better word than saw red. She was always apparently too busy to meet up with me but not this friend (and others).

OP posts:
bebeboeuf · 18/04/2019 08:22

This is the exact example of the type of people who social media affects negatively.

You are better off just coming off social media if it affects you in this way.

Why would you care if she or anyone interacts with your posts?

What kind of posts are you putting up anyway and why do you think people want to know about it?

Any close friends or family will know important details about your life without having to follow you on social media.

It’s a platform for narcissists which make people who might not have been more narcissistic

Davespecifico · 18/04/2019 08:29

She won’t care and unfriending her is fine. Enjoy your friendships with people who like you and want to be in your life.

RedRiverShore · 18/04/2019 08:42

Are you on school holidays as you sound about 14 or 15

NekoShiro · 18/04/2019 08:46

If she didn't notice you on fb before she probably wont notice you unfriended

Topseyt · 18/04/2019 08:49

I don't get why you are bothered really.

Cbatothinkofaname · 18/04/2019 08:49

‘Likes are not a validation of friendship.’

This is so true. But unfortunately some immature adults do use social media as a passive aggressive means of communication. I had a friend who took offence when I had the temerity to get a promotion and leave the workplace where we were colleagues. Not only did she suddenly stop ‘liking’ any posts of mine (whereas she’d previously been gushing over everything) but she also started posting those shit platitudes about new beginnings - ‘I’m not looking back’ with a picture of a road disappearing into the horizon - that type of rubbish. It was very transparent and made me realise that actually she wasnt a friend at all, as she clearly didn’t have my interests at heart. I think she expected me to come running, gushing about how much I’d miss her. A few months later she unfriended me. Yeap she was that immature.
I’ve come off most social media now and just keep in touch with a very small number of friends who live abroad, partly because of this sort of manipulation.
It’s fine when people use it properly but when you see adults behaving like this it’s tedious.

Tingface · 18/04/2019 08:50

I think you’re too invested in this. But that’s understandable, relationships hurt when they go wrong.

If you see her just smile, say a breezy hi and move straight past. Chances are she won’t notice you’ve unfriended her for ages. Even less chance of her actually bringing it up but in the unlikely event she does, just say, “Oh yeah, hope you weren’t offended by that. I just try to keep FB to people I interact with in real life. You know how it gets otherwise!”, smile and end the conversation. In the extremely unlikely event she says she’s hurt or angry, say “Hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. It didn’t seem like you were very interested though to be fair!”.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 18/04/2019 08:53

We remained friends on social media but she mainly ignored me there too (not liking/reacting to posts etc).

I wish I'd unfollowed her

Perhaps she unfollowed you first, hence not commenting on your posts.

Im afraid I do this frequently with anyone who habitually regurgitated memes, inspirational postcards, wanky links to any far right or far left group, or thinks the entire world is interested in their off spring 47 times a day.