Bumping into person I unfriended

[Socialmedium]

Former close friend but we'd grown apart of late. No falling out, just lives going in opposite directions. I'd tried hard to keep the friendship going but she seemed disinterested - always too busy to meet up etc. In the end I gave up and not heard from her since.

We remained friends on social media but she mainly ignored me there too (not liking/reacting to posts etc). She appears to have some new friends and is often tagged in pictures on nights out etc with them. The other day, after seeing another of these posts, I saw red and hit the unfriend button.

I'm now somewhat regretting this and wish I'd unfollowed instead. We have a number of mutual friends both on and off-line and live in the same town so it's inevitable we'll bump into each other sooner or later. In fact, we have done a few times since we grew apart and she'd always been pleasant & friendly but with no committment to meet up. I'll admit I'm a bit nervous about her reaction towards me the next time our paths cross and am I unsure how to act towards her also.

AIBU?

Facebook algorithms hides the majority of your friends so she might not have even seen your posts.

I have missed so much. I have to keep changing my view to 'most recent' but it auto defaults to 'top stories' as soon as I refresh the page.

Like I say, she may have genuinely missed your posts because FB rule what we should and should not see!

Sorry that's not helpful now you've defriended her, I would just act like nothing has happened if you bump into her

Facebook deliberately streamlines the audience of your posts, so that the only people who will see your posts are those you have recently interacted with on messenger or Facebook. It is a shame really as I imagine that many people are de-friended or lose friends through no fault of their own, purely through a Facebook algorithm that decides who gets to see and therefore like your posts. The story function works better in getting to a wider audience I think!

Anyway, it sounds like your friendship had run it’s course, I have likewise deleted in haste and now with a bit of regret when I see mutual friends posts and they are on there. I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it though, if she valued your friendship she would make more time for it! She is likely relieved at not having to think up anymore excuses!

@socialmedium

Maybe "hurt" is a better word than saw red. She was always apparently too busy to meet up with me but not this friend (and others).

To be quite honest, if I knew you react like this to something so petty, I'd be glad you "unfriended" me.

Are you 8 years old?

I always find it so odd that grown adults get uppety about someone else not liking their posts on Facebook.

Why are people being so horrible on this thread? What, none of you have felt hurt by perceived rejection or feeling left out??

Op I understand. I have done the same. She will be very unlikely to notice. Next time unfollow, I do that all the time.

Honestly I think I would be glad you had. I had a friend fall out with me beginning of the yea, sent massive long emails accusing me of all sorts. Turns out she was upset I wasn't liking her posts (she did it to several people too at the same time). Frankly I had been busy and hadn't spent much time.

It was always a one sided friendship where when I was going through a difficult time she told me should couldn't deal with it and it would drag her down. Yet expected me to be invested in hers, and provide her with friendship and support through difficult times.

She eventually delete everyone save family and two friends and I think she is happier for it.

I do like posts but it's really hap-hazard, I don't spend loads of time on Facebook itself but I do message people. I wouldn't notice if someone deleted me or not to be honest.

It sounds like a similar circumstance, I think it's unwise to invent so much in one friendship, friendship tend to peak and trough through times, nothing personal, but sometimes your closer than others. Most of my nights out and spontaneous too, if I plan too far ahead I see all the complications but if someone says fancy going out for lunch tomorrow or going out tonight, then I am more likely to do it.

Frankly people who just say, "we must meet up" feel like they are just saying that. It's kinds of the in passing, "how's things", if someone wants to do something then they will propose something concrete. "Hey, want to eat out next Thursday?"

We remained friends on social media but she mainly ignored me there too (not liking/reacting to posts etc)

Basing a friends "commitment" on this is not a good idea.

Facebook use in the "traditional" sense (likes, comments, sharing) is really dwindling - to be expected as is 15 years old this year and has been used in copirrent form, as everybody knows it since 2008. The novelty has worn off and there are many other platforms - they way everybody used facebook 5 years back (likes and so on being a big thing, sharing photos, constant comments etc) just doesn't really happen now.

I don't think I'd notice if one of my FB "friends" unfriended me, unless it was one of the very few whose posts I see and read regularly.

Of course, with the way the FB algorithms work, it could be she wasn't even seeing your posts. I don't see things posted by a lot of the people I know on FB.

However, if your friendship has run its course then that is sad, but it does happen. I can't think she would raise "unfriending her" as an issue - but you could always try being honest? "I was upset that you never have time to meet up. I'm over it now."

Surely she'd only know if you unfriended her if she's checking your profile and watching out for your updates? You've said she's basically been ignoring you so I would guess she wont even notice for ages.