To ask which hill have you died on?

[chilling19]

Apologies first to people who have lost people. I am employing a phrase that is about emotional, rather than physical death.

I feel that I am getting close everyday to that hill, which is going to cost everything i thought I stood for, particularly financially.

I would really welcome stories of women who have said ENOUGH.

I have done this several times in my life, and now I need to do it again, and will, but I am dithering.

I am looking for inspiration from the extensive and brilliant Mumsnet community.

And no, I am not a journalist trolling for stories. I just need help.

Please share your stories.

Good luck, i’m About to die on mine too I think. It’s scary and I can’t work out whether I should back off, go with the flow and probably make a lot of money, or stand up for what I believe in, say fuck this shit and potentially (probably?) lose pretty much everything financially at least in the short/medium term

I'm autistic, I don't understand what it means 😂

I have raised a grievance against my manager for bullying.

The outcome was mediation, not separation as I had requested.

I am filing an appeal.

This could be my hill we need a hill emoticon

does it mean making a stand?

I was a whistle blower at work. It did not end well for me as I was lambasted for being critical, while at the same time people approached me privately to say they couldn't speak out they thought I had done the right thing .
Unfortunately it did end the way I was most concerned about. An animal died of neglect.

I haven't worked in that industry since, and it followed me for years.

When the man I was married to opened my post and told me he'd only opened it because he was concerned about me. I had no debt, no financial problems. There was no concern on his behalf, he opened my post because he was a controlling cunt. I'm not married to him any more. Feel free to pm me and I'll tell you fuck all

ineedaknittedhat Nickpan
In a battle, a hill is the best place to be, so you defend it at all costs.
So 'the hill you are prepared to die on' is an idiom to describe a belief that you stand up for against all odds, despite all criticism. You believe you are standing in the right place and you won't move.

I cut off my toxic family even though it means I have absolutely no support with my children, and will not inherit from them. I'm a single parent of two disabled children and the future is scary but I couldn't keep taking their shit 🤷‍♀️

I'm autistic, I don't understand what it means

I'm not but I don't either.

does it mean making a stand?

This ^^ for all of you that don't seem to have read all the responses.

I got sick of the crap my half-sister threw at me so I cut all contact last year over a "final straw" nasty comment. As a one off thing it probably seemed petty, but I had to take a stand somewhere and this was the hill I decided to die on. IMO, the scariest bit is making the decision.

This ^^ for all of you that don't seem to have read all the responses

Snippy

Putting in a grievance at work after years of bullying. It ended exactly as I knew it would and people's true colours came out but oh it was worth it and I am so much happier now. I'm never going to work in that industry again because my name is mud and so I'm never going to earn that much money again (which by apparent NN standards wasn't much anyway) but I would do it again.

That was my hill and I came over the other side. You will too.

I was once asked to manage 180 children and 20 staff in a residential context with no training and for £130 a week. I said no thanks and fucked off travelling. That was a hill well worth dieing on!

Cutting contact with an alcoholic friend. I love her and we have been friends forever but I won't watch her kill herself and refuse to admit that she has a problem.

The moment she says she is an alcoholic and needs help, I'll be running down that hill. Till then I'm taking my stand and holding my children behind me.

I think I picked a good hill for my biggest death per se. It meant I lost a lot of long time friends in one big hit . I was aware of what my actions would cost me. I was asked to do it, all of us aware of what would happen to me.

A very integral member of our friendship circle was dying in hospital. He was immensely charismatic and had goddam billions of friends.

I was very close to him and his pregnant partner but this man was such a big presence in so many lives, they all wanted every last minute they could have with him. He had maybe days to live, had been ill forever but no one ( except a couple of people) had realised just how ill he had been. Till too late.

They were causing him and his wife distress, but neither could vocalise this, as they did not want to hurt anyone. He was going to die before his first child was born and every second together was precious.
On his request I wholesale turfed them out, in groups , as individuals, via the phone , walked people out of the room, generally policed his last days. I also turfed myself out regularly.

Then repeated the performance after he died- getting screamed at horribly ( and I guess understandably) by so so many people I had called friends for years when his wishes to be privately cremated with only a tiny group of people - became known.

I will not speak to any of them. The behaviour was appalling, as was a lot of stuff said about me later.

Fun times, but I don't regret it for anything.

Oh Peopleshouldread, I wish I had you in my corner when my husband was dying. I have so much resentment and regret that every bastard put themselves first, even over the wishes of my husband. It was all about what they wanted and I was so distraught at what was happening that I hadn’t the strength to fight them. You were worth a million of your dear friend’s so called mates.

@Peopleshouldread Well done, true friend to the end.

I stood up against an extremely senior and very manipulative bully of a
manager, who had played dirty with so many people. It was a long and very tough fight, and I was on my own against the organisation and a string of their lawyers. They played dirty all the way. I'm proud I did it. I went through the fear and stress barrier to the stage where you stand up and fight the bastards.

I thought the 'dying on a hill' was a reference to the crucifixion - ie this is/isn't an issue you'll defend to the death?

I think I was born dying on hills.

It gets a bit wearing if I'm honest. I'm trying to reprogramme myself.

My "hill" was a falling out with my DSis over (mostly) bollocks stuff. But it was NASTY and it went on for 6 very long years.
I hated every second of it.
Nasty stuff being said on both sides (me too... I'm not blameless). And various people said to me "just end it... just say sorry... just say it was your fault all along and all this will just go away".
But I couldn't. I just couldn't. Because if I'd just said "sorry, it was me, not you" then all her lies/half-truths would have BECOME truths (because she was talking about our childhoods). She would have re-written MY history as well as her own.
And I couldn't live with that over and above not living with my sister, even though I missed her desperately.
So that was MY hill.

And in the future: ANYTHING to do with my DD and what hurts her.

Keeping this vague, I was involved in a children’s charity for 2 years and I loved it and spent a lot of time on it, my husband was asked to go on the committee as treasurer. He discovered financial irregularities, someone well regarded in the organisation was taking money, our son was involved in the charity as well. I encouraged my husband to report it, the organisation closed ranks, it was brushed under the carpet. People refused to believe it, my DH resigned from his position, I was left with no alternative but to leave (being spoken about in the most derogatory way, an untrue allegation was made about me, that would have had very serious consequences for me in my professional working life) my son had to leave as well. The guilty person was allowed to leave quietly, and not perused for the money back. Some people in our town bad mouthed us for ages.It later turned out this was not the first time this person had been guilty of taking large amounts of money ( and some people involved in the organisation had known this). Fast forward a couple of years this thief managed to steal money from an individual involved in the organisation and then the whole mess unravelled and we were asked to give a statement to the police, still no apology mind, we said we would speak to the police if they came to us but luckily we didn’t need to be involved.
We tried to do the right thing when the charity was being stolen from, but it had big repercussions for our family and could have possibly lost me my paid job.
I’m not sure if I would have another “hill” in me.

S1naidSucks. Thank you. I am sorry for the loss of your husband. And I completely get how angry you are still. I'm still wanting to punch some very large men 6 years later - HARD.

My friends wife was precisely where you were, more so perhaps as she didn't know a lot of these people well. The selfishness and small heartedness of people is ...well....fucking appalling in these times.

I've been on this hill in different forms a couple of other times since re end of life matters, but this one was spectacularly horrible.

I have come to the conclusion that the presence of imminent death shows who people truly are.

I got fired whilst pregnant. They fired me because I was pregnant.

I filed a grievance. It took over a year and much pestering on my behalf but they finally settled for 5k. Not much. But a point was proved.

If I ever see that individual from that suppsedly female freindly organisation again I'm not sure what I'll say to him. Well, I am, but I hope I rein it in and it's not in public