To ask which hill have you died on?

[chilling19]

Apologies first to people who have lost people. I am employing a phrase that is about emotional, rather than physical death.

I feel that I am getting close everyday to that hill, which is going to cost everything i thought I stood for, particularly financially.

I would really welcome stories of women who have said ENOUGH.

I have done this several times in my life, and now I need to do it again, and will, but I am dithering.

I am looking for inspiration from the extensive and brilliant Mumsnet community.

And no, I am not a journalist trolling for stories. I just need help.

Please share your stories.

I had to decide whether to emigrate with my DH and our children in my early 40s....we had nothing....no nice home or money but family in the Uk. Or to take a gamble and move to Oz to see if we could fare better.

I took the gamble and it worked out.

What's happening with your finances OP? You might get more relevant answers.

Mine was my job, which pretty much equates to finances but I could no longer give my all for so little.

Hills have an up and a down. I have lost my entire famiiy in my 20s and have spent another 2O odd in limbo. I started counselling in January and it has changed my life. Am going through a fraught time at the moment healthwise but feel a different person mentally.

All of you - you have been so brave. Will respond to you individually tomorrow And yes, I mean a situation where you know that making a certain stand will mean losing your job, or costing you your friendship group/risking your family allegiances. As a woman all these things can mean you losing your sense of self but you do it anyway, because you have to.

I stood up for a friend against another. I think I die on that hill on average every 3 years and am apparently 'too honest'.

In reality if you deliberately dick about without apology I will call you out on it, which scares people.

I stood up for a member of my team against another spiteful and manipulative team member. The spiteful one went berserk, nice one left. Spiteful one had a year fully paid sick leave due to the " stress" I put her through.

I' m still on the hill, but everyone knows now, what lies beneath her smiles.

Telling previously cat-hating DP that I will not live my life with no cat. No discussion, I must have a cat.

We got a cat. DP now loves him.

Wow everyone, thanks for the replies. For those who questioned the phrasing – yes it means making a stand. Also, I can’t share what my particular issue is because it will be too outing. But it is along the lines of making a stand against common opinion and there could be financial consequences.

Replying individually:

Pushmepullyou: Oh, money versus principle – tough one. I have been skint too many times for this to be an easy call.
MT2017: I hope it works out for you brave woman.
BadPennyNoBiscuit: an animal DIED? How awful for you, but kudos for trying to change that outcome.
Absolutepowercorrupts: glad you are not still with him
CarolDanvers: well done. Your family don’t deserve you.
CordeliaWyndamPryce: yes, making the decision is hard part. Am thinking through mine, but I can feel it coming.
TheDarkOverload: thank you. I am glad you came out to a better place.
AppleKatie: ‘fucked off travelling’. Nice one!
KitchenDancefloor: watching someone going down an addiction drain is heartbreaking.
Peopleshouldread: Guardian! Something similar nearly happened to me (the friend was misdiagnosed thankfully) and there was a lot of people trying to rush forward to make themselves feel better, when he didn’t want any fuss.
S1naidSucks: So sorry for your loss
Thethethethethe: Warrior!
Springydaff: yes I have had some time off recently 
RedHatsDoNotSuitMe: yes a rewritten childhood is not good.
Blueberryflavour: oh that sounds grim. I can’t understand people taking money from charities like that.
Peopleshouldread: ‘I have come to the conclusion that the presence of imminent death shows who people truly are.’ Yes, this.

Finally cutting contact with my Father and his poisonous wife. They live abroad - in a very far away country.
She poisoned his mind against his family, and I was sick of feeling so hurt and disappointed when he kept failing to be a decent Dad. He complained about having to be involved in wedding and refused to come and visit to meet his first grandson. Enough is enough so I told him. I feel a weight has been lifted!

Similar to a pp.

FIL was dying and all the distant relatives who hasn't seen him for twenty years plus came crawling out of the woodwork. A cynic would wonder if they would have bothered if he hadn't been so wealthy

Anyway, it got to the point that DH and his siblings were struggling to have any time with FIL due to all of these incredibly pushy relatives and SMIL was in no state to deal with them.

So SMIL's sister and I became the 'bouncers'. We took emotional blackmail and full on abuse (again, like pp having a grown man call me a cunt) but we didn't waver.

DH, his siblings and SMIL got to have peaceful time with FIL before he passed and it was completely worth it.

Oh, and not one of the cheeky fucker relatives even showed up for the funeral.

I think I'm currently dying on a hill... I can't get over a friend's decision to have a child with her DP for various reasons (genetic issues, nasty odds of having a horrid surprise later in life) and I think this is going to be the end of our relationship. I just can't fathom how she can do it and absolve herself of all the responsibility, and I can't leap about being happy for her when all I want to do is ask "what the actual fuck are you doing, how can you be so selfish?"

Also that socks MUST be turned the right way out before going in the wash.
That is a hill I will die on.

I'm well aware my dad is likely to cut me out of his will because I refuse to dance to his emotional bullying and blackmail anymore. I decided a few months ago that I don;t want or need his money and if he thinks he can use it to manipulate me, he'll find he can't. It's liberating to watch his bewilderment when he tries to threaten or bribe and I'm equally indifferent to both.

My DM had dementia and everyone thought it would be best if she went into a care home, I didn't and neither did DM- that was my hill. The number of times I had the "don't you think it would be better if your DM went into a home" conversation was so frustrating, I was obviously a bad daughter who wouldn't put my DM first. Very few people understood that she wanted to stay in her safe place, with me, at home, and that I'd made real sacrifices to make that happen giving up my own home to give DM what she wanted.

Sadly, they just wanted what was easier for them- carers, social workers, it would cut their budget and their workload. DM died a year ago but she died where she felt safe ad it was a bloody steep hill but worth it

Like @Blueberryflavour my most recent hill involves a charity. Concerns have been apparent for a long time and I've taken the step of approaching commissioners. Outcome not clear yet. It's been one of the hardest things I've ever done.

Mine was chosing not to continue with an outwardly ok marriage and 'throw away' 15 years, despite knowing it would cause disapproval from just about everyone.

So I died on the 'i'm leaving to find true happiness'' hill.

But guess what? I lived again because i did find it and it was all worth it

My sex is female I am a woman not "cis" woman just a woman it's my biological reality

FUCK OFF CALLING ME CIS LEAVE ME BE STOP TELLING ME I NEED A DICK TO BE A WOMAN