Neighbour let himself in our garden and started knocking on our patio door

[Dontcomeinmygarden]

So. DH is in the shower. I’m upstairs. Ds is up and down. He comes and finds me and says ‘mummy, I think there is a man in our garden!’. I was thinking WTF and followed him downstairs to the garden door where indeed there was a man- my dopey neighbour standing staring in to our living room door. He had let himself in to our garden by putting his hand over the fence to unlock the gate, and decided to knock on our back door instead of going round the front and pressing the doorbell. I was really pissed off that he did that, I was walking round the house in my pjs and ds was panicked when he saw someone out there.

Turned out he just wanted to ask if we minded if he had a look at the guttering in case there was a blockage and needed to come our side a bit.

AIBU to be annoyed? My view of this might be a bit coloured by various other crap including them installing a set of drums in the kids bedroom, nicking a bit of our garden when they put the fence up, being offish and also him winking suggestively at me once just after I met him!

[Dieu]

Are you certain he didn't try the front door first?
I'm not sure I could get too worked up about this. It's your neighbour, not a random stranger.

[mydogisthebest]

I definitely think it's a regional thing. Seems very common in the north and no one seems to think it strange whereas in the south (well definitely London, Essex and Kent) it is not the done thing

[Honeyroar]

I wish the OP would explain why there's a gate in the first place. People are clearly confused. If he has a right of way he's entitled to open the gate, whether there's a bolt or not.

[sueelleker]

We live in a terrace house, with an alleyway between us and our neighbours. We had to put a padlock on the back gate to stop their kids just wandering into our garden,

[PregnantSea]

I know the moment has passed now but this is the sort of thing you need to address at the time. I wouldn't mention it in a future chat. If he does it again I would immediately say to him that he needs to knock on the front door and not to let himself into the garden.

Also agree with others that you get a padlock for your back gate. If he can stroll into your back garden then so could anyone else

[Babuchak]

of course it's bloody rude and intrusive!

Front gate and front door are on the street side, for the whole word to see and walk pass - so many houses tend to protect their privacy with shutters, or blinds.

Back doors, back garden are on the private side of the house, where you leave your doors and windows open.

It would be just as rude to walk in someone's house as it is to walk in their back garden uninvited. I would be extremely pissed off if someone was walking on me when I am in the privacy of my own home, in my underwear or however I feel like being.

[MsChicken]

He's been watching to many repeats of The Good Life! Extra bolt out of reach and ask him if he minds using the front door. If you think he's actually being a bit weird a fake security camera trained on the back gate (did this years ago with pervy bloke who lived in the house next door who had some boundary issues)

[AryaStarkWolf]

hhhmm, I mean he's trying to do you a favour too by unblocking the gutters so I would be ok with it tbh

[LillithsFamiliar]

This wouldn't have bothered me at all. I wonder if, as Keypot says it's a class or regional difference.

[JaneJeffer]

If you lived in Ireland they would have just walked straight in to your kitchen. No gawping through windows here

[MsChicken]

I think it's as much a 'how well you know your neighbours' thing. First time we met neighbour at the old place was when he was letting himself into the garden on a whim.

[DianaPrincessOfThemyscira]

I can’t understand why if it’s not the norm for anyone you wouldn’t just give them a face and ask them why they’ve come round the back and not the front?! I appreciate not want to antagonise but it’s a simple, direct question.

[Babuchak]

I would be quite shocked that a normal adult needs to be told that it's not acceptable to waltz in someone's private space without warning. What's next? making themselves a cup of tea in your kitchen? What would he do if you were in the middle of sex with your partner?

[MRex]

You're ridiculous for letting him steal some of your land, why on earth would you not get a solicitor to sort that out? Land registry has maps with the deeds.

As for knocking on the back door, just ask him to use the front and get a new lock for the back gate, you don't need to make it a big deal unless he won't stop.

[RottnestFerry]

It wouldn't/doesn't bother me either.

Perfectly normal practice where I live. No reply from the front, try the back door or the garden.

[AryaStarkWolf]

I have to hold my hands up and admit I didn't read the last paragraph of your OP when I first posted, if that's the case I'd probably be annoyed aswell and you should definitely mention the fence and get them to move it off your land

[Purplecatshopaholic]

My neighbours are fabulous - but none of us would go into each others back gardens without asking. I have locks on my gate anyway (nothing to do with the neighbours, just want to be safe). Assuming you want to keep good relations, just be casual about asking him not to do it again. Going ballistic is not helpful

[thecatsthecats]

I'm so glad the access to the back houses is non reciprocal. The last owners of ours built our conservatory right against the access, so if our neighbours ever tried this they'd come face to face with a shut door.

I wander around the house naked too much to be doing with people in the back garden!

[Laiste]

I'm sure peering in through windows isn't regional!

Sounds like the OP has glass patio doors an that's what neighbor was peering into. Right into the house. Not quite the same as just knocking on the back door instead of the front and simply leaving if there's no answer.

People knocking on my front door and then trying to peer in through the window gives me the rage. It's rare - but it happens. I haven't answered the door to you .... live with it and bugger off!!

[Babuchak]

my kids would call the cops if they see someone lurking in the garden - it might be totally innocent, but I'd rather they are safe and things get explained later.

[Nicknacky]

Even if it was the neighbour chapping the door? Hardly lurking and that would be a complete over reaction.

[Babuchak]

calling the police is exactly what you should do when you see a trespasser!

[CostanzaG]

Wow. What an overreaction! Totally normal behaviour where I'm from.

[Nicknacky]

Babuchak It’s her next door neighbour. Not an unknown trespasser.