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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I risk going on this holiday

59 replies

Summertimesadness85 · 17/04/2019 12:56

I'm currently training for a job where getting into the slightest bit of trouble is career ending. I'm working extremely hard and have the prospect of a job at the end of my training.
I'm meant to be going on holiday with a large group of friends ,however one of the group constantly cause trouble for no reason as soon as she's had a drink.
She has already fallen out with probably her closest friend in the group and has now decide to pick fights with other members when out socially. For this reason I have declined invitations out the last few times.
Im really anxious about the holiday but by not going I risk falling out with other members of my friendship group.
I have a really bad feeling in my gut that there will be trouble relating to this one person and I don't want to be involved .
Should I say I'm not going or go and if any trouble starts go back to the hotel immediately. Feel like I shouldn't be this worried about what is supposed to be a fun trip.

OP posts:
Morgan12 · 17/04/2019 12:58

I would go and just leave if she starts. My group used to have a friend like this and over the years we have had to phase him out. Just wasn't worth the hassle.

Don't let her ruin your holiday though. Go and have fun and just dodge her.

Nicknacky · 17/04/2019 12:59

Go on holiday. You can’t control her behaviour but just keep away from her as best you can and if she does cause bother, don’t get involved.

Parly · 17/04/2019 13:00

My feeling is if you're already anxious about the trip it's not worth the hassle, expensive and possible fallout at all.

Just make your excuses and avoid what sounds like it will be a massive headache for you either way up

RestingBitchFaced · 17/04/2019 13:02

I can't see how someone else's behaviour on a holiday would affect your job. I would go, but keep out of it if she starts anything

CrispbuttyNo1 · 17/04/2019 13:03

Keep your social media locked down so that nobody can tag you in anything, and walk away if she starts causing trouble.

Original poster
Summertimesadness85 · 17/04/2019 13:09

Resting ,It's more the worry of any police involvement (happened before ,I wasn't there thank goodness) and being guilty by association

OP posts:
Finfintytint · 17/04/2019 13:18

Is it a question about what you did about her behaviour rather than by association?

Original poster
Summertimesadness85 · 17/04/2019 13:22

Sorry finfintytint not sure what you mean?

OP posts:
SileneOliveira · 17/04/2019 13:24

No job is going to sack you because you were there when a friend got into a fight.

If you think you will be able to just walk away when she starts kicking off, just go and have a great time. However, if you're going to be constantly walking on eggshells around her to avoid an explosion then is it really worth the hassle?

5foot5 · 17/04/2019 13:25

TBH if I had a "friend" like this then, even without the career move you are making, I would be avoiding their company and de-friending as rapidly as possible.

Finfintytint · 17/04/2019 13:26

In my profession a probationer police officer was sacked. They had witnessed a fight involving one of his pals. He didn’t want to get involved and refused to provide a statement about what he’d witnessed. A police officer shouldn’t be frustrating an investigation and it obviously questions his honesty and integrity.
(He wasn’t sacked for socialising with punchy blokes).

Stayawayfromitsmouth · 17/04/2019 13:28

I'd ditch the whole group tbh. They don't sound like they have your back or are very good friends.

Original poster
Summertimesadness85 · 17/04/2019 13:34

I see what you mean finfintytint. There was an incident where the individual caused a fight the police came and a few others in the group were carted off to a van and taken to the police station until it was established what had happened . They hadnt been involved just been there and tried to calm this individual down,they were let go but still had been interviewed etc. Abroad i don't think it's dealt with quite the same way .

OP posts:
misscockerspaniel · 17/04/2019 13:34

Go with your gut feeling.

Trippedupagain · 17/04/2019 13:35

If you were my daughter, I'd tell you not to go if you weren't happy about it and were pretty sure there would be trouble from this individual. At this point, your training and future career are your priority. Make your excuses and get out of it.

Finfintytint · 17/04/2019 13:37

I think if you are serious about your career and this person could cause problems then I wouldn’t go.

whotheactualFisthisHfella · 17/04/2019 13:40

I wouldn't go. Doesn't sound like you are going to enjoy it - you will be on edge the whole time wondering when she is going to kick off!

justasking111 · 17/04/2019 13:41

I would not go, if you are, however determined to go. Close your social media accounts for at least a month following this event. Stop folk tagging you on FB.

justasking111 · 17/04/2019 13:42

My friend has gone into social work visiting prisons, etc. if you google her name zilch comes up.

OrdinarySnowflake · 17/04/2019 13:42

I'd find an excuse to drop out - a work related thing you need to go on, a family event that clashes you need to go to... just find an excuse. Don't let the others be out of pocket or tell them you aren't going because of xxx 's behaviour. Just that you can't.

If you are this worried now, you wont enjoy it even if hard work friend doesn't fuck up.

Drum2018 · 17/04/2019 13:42

Have you paid towards the holiday already? If you pull out will it cost the others more? Even without the job issue I wouldn't want to go anywhere with this person, let alone a foreign holiday. I just wouldn't have her as a friend.

Original poster
Summertimesadness85 · 17/04/2019 13:45

Drum2018 I've got £154 left to pay but would just pay the remainder even if I wasn't going.

OP posts:
1Wildheartsease · 17/04/2019 13:47

It doesn't sound like much of a holiday if you have to spend it watching out for bad behaviour from another person.

Your friends might react badly to you pulling out of the holiday ...but it is also true that they might react badly to you pulling out of things you are doing together on the trip.

MitziK · 17/04/2019 13:50

Why on earth would you want to go anywhere with a person who is so violent that the police have to be called on multiple occasions?

Just cancel.

Tinkobell · 17/04/2019 13:54

Don't go. Not worth the risk by association. If she kicked off on flight you could all get turfed off as a group. My DH has same work constraint and wouldn't go....you can't risk your future for that and you'd get no apology.