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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I risk going on this holiday

59 replies

Summertimesadness85 · 17/04/2019 12:56

I'm currently training for a job where getting into the slightest bit of trouble is career ending. I'm working extremely hard and have the prospect of a job at the end of my training.
I'm meant to be going on holiday with a large group of friends ,however one of the group constantly cause trouble for no reason as soon as she's had a drink.
She has already fallen out with probably her closest friend in the group and has now decide to pick fights with other members when out socially. For this reason I have declined invitations out the last few times.
Im really anxious about the holiday but by not going I risk falling out with other members of my friendship group.
I have a really bad feeling in my gut that there will be trouble relating to this one person and I don't want to be involved .
Should I say I'm not going or go and if any trouble starts go back to the hotel immediately. Feel like I shouldn't be this worried about what is supposed to be a fun trip.

OP posts:
TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 17/04/2019 13:55

They sound like a bloody nightmare Confused. Why is this person still included in all nights out, and now on holiday, when they behave so badly it leads to police involvement?
You may not lose your job because of this halfwit but you’ll certainly be tarred by association.

Tinkobell · 17/04/2019 13:57

Pay your money and say you've got an abscess or trapped nerve the day before.

Original poster
Summertimesadness85 · 17/04/2019 13:58

She never used to be like this but over time her behaviour has got worse and worse and more regular The police thing was a while ago when she went through a bad patch but she seemed to sort herself out but recently the deterioration has started again and is worse than ever before. I wouldnt of booked a holiday with her if I'd known it was going to start up again and be as bad.

OP posts:
BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 17/04/2019 13:59

I would pay the remainder and then have a D&V bug on the day that you're flying out. I don't think you'd enjoy the holiday if you are constantly worried and this way your friends won't call you a killjoy for backing out or for lurking in the hotel instead of going out for the night.

But, it's also worth giving some thought to how friendly you want to be with friends who will give you a hard time for making your own decisions and not falling in with the crowd.

caughtinanet · 17/04/2019 13:59

I probably wouldn't go and if asked would subtly let be known that I can't risk a future career at this stage

JessieMcJessie · 17/04/2019 13:59

Why on earth are your other friends still associating with her?
You sound sensible and conscientious. Pull out but don’t go into details with any of the group, just say it’s personal.

Loopytiles · 17/04/2019 14:02

Passive to book and pay for a holiday if your main reason for attending was to avoid your friends’ potential negative reactions.

How much has the holiday cost you in total?

RavenLG · 17/04/2019 14:09

Why on earth are your other friends still associating with her?

I would be asking this too. She sounds like a complete nightmare and not a nice person to be around.

Original poster
Summertimesadness85 · 17/04/2019 14:11

I don't think it would be a major fall out with rest of the group but it is for someone's big birthday so naturally there is disappointment when people drop out. I'm not the only one worried about her attendance either so I may it be the only one who potentially wont go. The holiday was nearly 400 .

OP posts:
Original poster
Summertimesadness85 · 17/04/2019 14:12

Other people in the group are also growing tired of the behaviour

OP posts:
NoSauce · 17/04/2019 14:12

This woman sounds like a lout. Even without the worry over your job prospects I wouldn’t be going anywhere with her.

What’s the job out of interest?

Original poster
Summertimesadness85 · 17/04/2019 14:15

It's a job in the education sector

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 17/04/2019 14:16

£400 is quite a lot to lose.

Options other than not going include going but leaving an afternoon/night out at the first sign of trouble; or going but skipping group meals/drinks out, eg you could say it’s for financial reasons or pretend you’re ttc or pregnant Grin

Seaweed42 · 17/04/2019 14:23

Can a few of you sit her down and give this friend a talk about her behaviour? Say you've noticed that when she is out drinking that trouble often arises and that none of you will be tolerating that. That you are worried about her and also worried about yourselves as well. That you will try to look out of her on the holiday but that she also needs to look out for bringing trouble to the group.
She is just argumentative when drunk or is she vindictive as well? Does she hold grudges and then wreak havoc by getting back at people through texts and emails.

darnsarf · 17/04/2019 14:24

I'm in a situation like this currently and have decided to just not go on nights out when this person is involved. It's difficult as she's generally invited but I'm not the first one she's upset so struggle to see why she gets invited. Possibly as people of scared of not inviting her I'm thinking! I'm not sure what you should do about your holiday. From first hand experience, the more you pull away and distance yourself from that person, they notice it and you will be the next one to be singled out in one of her drunken rages.

OrdinarySnowflake · 17/04/2019 14:24

See, I'd say in the grand scheme of things, £400 isn't that much to lose.

The easiest option is to pay the last bit then pretend to be sick in some way the day before and pull out.

Doesn't sound worth it.

Thebookswereherfriends · 17/04/2019 14:28

I would go, but I wouldn’t go out in the evening with her, or I would go for a meal and then get off back to the hotel before the evening can deteriorate. As long as you are not witness or present during any trouble, you should be ok? Also, as pp says don’t have any social media interaction for a month or so.

purplecorkheart · 17/04/2019 14:33

I honestly would not go. I would be on edge the whole holiday. As someone else said if she kicks off on the plane, your whole group could be kicked off. You said on a previous holiday that other members of the group ended up in a police station when she kicked off why would you take the chance

Original poster
Summertimesadness85 · 17/04/2019 14:33

There's been numerous conversations with her seaweed she is ok for a bit but then goes back to her old ways I had already decided after the holiday I would be going NC anyway .
She also makes up lies in her own mind to justify the behaviour

OP posts:
Original poster
Summertimesadness85 · 17/04/2019 14:38

It was a night out purple not a holiday

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Cwtches123 · 17/04/2019 14:38

How many people are going and what are the accommodation arrangements? Could you buddy up with some of the others who are concerned and do your own thing, £400 is a lot to lose!

AnyFucker · 17/04/2019 14:39

I would dump the whole lot of them.

Fighting, ending up in police cells, falling out with people who don't go along with the groupthink ?

Time to move on. You have bigger fish to fry than this kind of bullshit.

woolduvet · 17/04/2019 14:42

How is she during the day? Could you have a mysterious illness that makes it impossible to go out an night.
Tinnitus that would stop you being a pub/club etc. So you'll go back after a meal out etc
Seems a shame, just ghost at the first sign of trouble.

Original poster
Summertimesadness85 · 17/04/2019 14:46

She's fine until she has too much to drink then it's a nightmare

OP posts:
CloserIAm2Fine · 17/04/2019 14:50

If your friends will fall out with you so easily they’re not real friends. Your career is more important.

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