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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that parents get in an absolute stew about sex education?

57 replies

malificent7 · 17/04/2019 00:08

Take some parents i know who cried when their 8 year old learned the word penis. I mean its a perfectly jormal word albiet a bit private.
Also the campaigning against lgbt sex education...i mean, why not? I know many mn dont like the trans movement but there is no excuse for not teachingbkids about homosexuality.
I think many parents feel that if their children learn about sex then tjeir innocence is destroyed. No wonder so many Brits have issues about it. Age appropriate sex education is vital to protect children and to normalise the changes that occur during puberty.
Why do some parents find it so hard to explain where babies come from?

OP posts:

AlaskanOilBaron · 17/04/2019 08:24

Yes we had parents who objected to the word clitoris being mentioned.

How old?

I don't believe I'm a science denier, I like vaccines and I'm aware of the earth's age and so forth, but my oldest was in year 4 when he learned some pretty explicit stuff that I thought could have been put off for a couple of years.

FamilyOfAliens · 17/04/2019 08:31

I think a lot of the LGBTQ angst is people parroting a headline. Yes, SRE will be taught to 5 year olds. No, they will not be encouraged to change gender, they will be read stories about people who live in non-traditional families.

Have you seen the Stonewall resources for schools? They talk about everyone having a “gender identity”, that sex is “assigned” at birth and that girls who feel uncomfortable changing for PE with boys who “identify” as girls should be told to change elsewhere.

I wish with all my heart that it was just about different family set-ups.

MigGril · 17/04/2019 08:31

I don't understand parents withdrawing children from sex education anyway. As they will either.

Just talk about it in the playground and not get the correct facts.
As human biology is part of the national curriculum, they will just get all the facts from their biology lessons but without the social side to it. And yes they get all the facts in year 8 including how you get pregnant, different types of contraption ect. The older one's even do infertility treatment that's GCSE though. You can't remove them from these lessons. Our teachers are often shocked at how little some kids know at this late age.

Eariler is better and answering questions in age approuate language is always they way I've gone.

SimonJT · 17/04/2019 08:33

MigGril when I was at secondary school (early 00’s), you most certainly could select which science lessons your children could/could not attend. I’m pleased to see it has changed now.

AmethystRaven · 17/04/2019 08:36

Yes, we had clitoris on the word list for year 3 and we were all I couldn't see why it would be included that early unless they were doing very detailed anatomy which seemed a bit beyond yr 3. It never actually came up in the end but it did set a lot of parents off wondering what exactly they would be covering. I just didn't want it to be too much all in one go. We had a right old kerfuffle with it recently - lots of angry parents!

ZoeWashburne · 17/04/2019 08:37

It always amazes me the number of parents that want to protect their child's 'innocence'. Trust me, their child knows. Someone on the playground said something, or at a sleepover they were told by an older sibling etc. Or increasingly, they are watching porn and googling things. I would so much rather have a clear, factual, age-appropriate information, and the knowledge that they can come ask me about anything rather than learning about sex from the internet.

It is always why the kids of the most conservative parents go a bit wild when they get to their teen years, because everything was taboo. If kissing a boy is as 'bad' as doing heroin, you have no relativism to set your own boundaries with what you feel is healthy and right for you.

AmethystRaven · 17/04/2019 08:37

Just to add, I wasn't one of the angry ones!

CherylCheshire · 17/04/2019 08:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bluelonerose · 17/04/2019 08:40

I have no objection to any of my dc being taught about sex as long as it's age appropriate.
I've spoken very openly to my teens about sex and they know they can come ask questions and I will give them the facts.
Ds2 is only in year 4 so I haven't had an in depth chat with him but he's asked questions and I've answered honestly.

I don't understand parents who think withdrawing their dc is stopping them having sex.
All it will do is they will have sex not knowing the facts about contraception, std etc. Only what they've heard in the playground.

FamilyOfAliens · 17/04/2019 08:44

The great danger of sex education in schools is that young children tend to believe everything their teacher says, and a great many teachers are totally unfit for purpose whether that purpose be teaching kids about sex or teaching them how many beans make five.

You electively home-educate then?

DippyAvocado · 17/04/2019 08:49

a great many teachers are totally unfit for purpose

What do you base this on? Teaching is one of the most scrutinised professions.

phoenixrosehere · 17/04/2019 08:49

Reading this makes me more determined to teach my children all the necessary stuff that the school won’t be allowed to due to interfering parents who get easily upset over something that their child will likely not have to worry about, but possibly good to know so they never feel they have to hide such things from me in case they are gay, bi, or transgender.

DippyAvocado · 17/04/2019 08:52

Have you seen the Stonewall resources for schools?

No, I have been teaching PSHE for 15 years and the only place I've ever heard them mentioned is MN. I asked our PSHE lead and she hadn't heard of them either.

Noonooyou · 17/04/2019 08:52

I can't believe a parent was crying that her child learnt the word penis. Terrible..
From a purely safeguarding point of view, it's very important for little children to know the correct terminology. This whole keeping them innocent stuff won't help a child who is being abused.

FamilyOfAliens · 17/04/2019 09:34

No, I have been teaching PSHE for 15 years and the only place I've ever heard them mentioned is MN. I asked our PSHE lead and she hadn't heard of them either.

You’re very lucky then. I’m a designated safeguarding lead in a primary school and our county PSHE lead directs us to GIRES for our online training (now here’s something that truly not fit for purpose) and Stonewall for how to support trans pupils. Our local large teaching hospital is a Stonewall Diversity Champion.

I’ve been told by the lead trainer at the Sex Education Forum (a charity that advises schools on SRE) that we are in breach of the Equality Act if we don’t centre the needs of trans pupils over girls, for example when it comes to changing for PE. She also expressed horror that our Year 1 children form two lines, one of girls and one of boys, when they are lining up to go home.

Stonewall are now offering free training to schools with 14% or more pupils on FSM so even if your school hasn’t heard of it, it’s coming your way.

DippyAvocado · 17/04/2019 09:39

I'll keep a lookout for for them, family.

chocolatelog · 17/04/2019 09:43

I've pulled my 3 children out of all sex Ed until they were at secondary. Kids don't need to know about that stuff. Let kids be kids imo

I'm a traveler though so it's common for us.

endofthelinefinally · 17/04/2019 09:45

I have huge respect for teachers.
Unfortunately in a lot of schools the sex education is not being delivered by teachers. Therein lies the problem.

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 17/04/2019 09:46

I have boys who are 14 & 19. They knew the basics about periods from when they were little (obviously couldn’t have a wee in peace), sex as age appropriate, masterbation, how babies were made and homosexuality. I think because it was the ‘norm’ in our household to talk about these things, it never became an issue. It also meant they also talk about their lives openly and confidently, and there’s no ‘shame’ to anything. After all why should there be? It’s normal life🤷🏻‍♀️

FamilyOfAliens · 17/04/2019 09:49

No need - here’s the link to the document:

www.stonewall.org.uk/system/files/an_introduction_to_supporting_lgbt_young_people_-_a_guide_for_schools_2015.pdf

FamilyOfAliens · 17/04/2019 09:50

Unfortunately in a lot of schools the sex education is not being delivered by teachers. Therein lies the problem.

Who do you think should deliver this aspect of the curriculum?

FamilyOfAliens · 17/04/2019 09:50

Because in our school it’s the head teacher!

Zoflorabore · 17/04/2019 09:53

Dd is 8 and in year 3. We had this conversation only a few days ago. She was playing with her dolls and said that so and so couldn't marry so and so and I told her that actually yes that two men and two ladies could be married and told her the proper term i.e. Gay and we then spoke about some people being TG. She was quite non plus about it.
She knows how babies come out, either via the vagina or stomach but hasn't asked me how they get there yet.

We've spoken extensively about puberty, especially periods and she said that lots of her friends were wondering what the sign in the girls toilet in school meant that said "girls if you have your period, please ask for the "red box" if you need any supplies" which doesn't surprise me as some of them seem a lot younger than they are.

It's a good thing to discuss these issues with our dc and not make them a taboo subject. After reading this I am going to think about how to discuss conception with dd as she will likely hear all sorts in the playground over the next few years.

endofthelinefinally · 17/04/2019 09:56

I guess I didn't explain that very well.
I think anyone delivering education to children should be appropriately trained. Even if not a qualified teacher, they should have training that is professional and open to scrutiny.
I taught first aid and health education in 6th form colleges. I have a nursing back ground and had to undergo further training on top of that. I also taught nurses and medical students.
My worry is that there is no evidence that some of the organisations delivering this topic in schools have even a basic understanding of biology.
So, yes, not all educators need to be qualified teachers, but there needs to be some standards.

Sweetbabycheezits · 17/04/2019 09:56

Snowy that was our attitude, as well. They asked questions, we answered as simply but factually as possible. It's just part of normal conversation in our house, so I feel pretty confident that when dd (11) has "the talk" at school in a few weeks time (year 6), there won't be anything really new, and she'll be comfortable asking questions at home if she has them.
She has come home telling me all sorts about playground talk, and the amount of misinformation some of her peers have is a bit worrying!

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