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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not cope with DH loud eating

66 replies

SandraDea · 16/04/2019 20:17

Over the last few months I’ve become acutely aware of the noise DH makes when eating, I don’t know if he’s become louder or I’ve become more hearing sensitive.

We eat with the TV on thank goodness and I find myself turning the volume up and up to muffle to sounds of crunching, lip smacking and worst of all swallowing!

I’ve told him off for being so loud but of course I know he can’t help it.

I’m considering eating in a different room or at a different time but that may hurt his feelings.

I think IABU but I can’t keep hearing these noises each evening- it’s making me want to slap him really hard 😳

OP posts:

CripsSandwiches · 16/04/2019 20:32

Genuine question - those who have misophonia... What does your own eating sound like?
Are you aware of it? Does it affect how you eat?

I don't eat loudly but the sounds I do make tend to be easy to zone out. Certain people trigger me more than others. Poor DH has learned to eat quietly but I am still much more sensitive to him than anyone else. Even if I can hear him the tiniest amount it bugs me and I have to bite my lip from moaning.

troppibambini · 16/04/2019 20:34

@bruceandnosh I'm really quiet.
The main things I struggle with are lip smacking, licking fingers, eating with mouth open and noisy chewing. I don't do any of them, I open my mouth put food in and chew and swallow with mouth closed.
My mum is the same so it was drummed into me from a child. I have four dc and other than asking them to eat with their mouths closed (basic manners) their chewing and slurping doesn't really bother me.

lotusbell · 16/04/2019 20:38

Yep, hate it. All three of mine - DH, DS and DSD. Plus my dad as he's got less teeth now. Of course, this means I always have to consciously chew extra quietly when I eat, in case anyone accuses me of the same. Really makes me angry, I've been known to video my son doing it and play it back to him in a vain effort to show him how loud and unneccesary it is.

hiphopapotamuses · 16/04/2019 20:39

My DH is like a dog chewing a toffee and it ENRAGES me because he can eat quietly but chooses not to preferring to inhale his food - he also says it tastes better when he slops his chops. I have to drown him out with the telly but if we go out for a nice meal I have to remind him to put half the amount he usually would on his fork and eat much more slowly.
It's a running joke that when the kids are grown up it'll be the thing that makes me snap and bury him under a patio leave him.

Bbang · 16/04/2019 20:42

Definitely misophonia. I have to even have to radio on to eat my own food and I’m ultra paranoid I’m eating grossly or too slow/fast.

OH drives me round the twist, he shovels it in so damn fast he can’t close his mouth properly. He’s not white British so the way he was brought up to eat was very different to the kind of usual table manners you see. Eating with his hands and smacking his food, bowl right up to his chin etc. Drives me slowly insane, like my ears will ring and I start to get sweaty and twitchy and then the anger comes and honestly I get so furious so fast it’s scary 😳 radio on loud always.

Eating out is a struggle.

Doman · 16/04/2019 20:46

I have found my people! Misophonia sufferer here, too. Mine is so severe that I can hear the hum of electronics left switched on (e.g. PlayStation) and can't concentrate till it's switched off.

Eating is the absolute worst. DH does what I call 'slurpy chomping' (very vigorous chewing and I can hear the saliva sloshing). He refuses to try to eat more gently (and frankly, why should he!) so I have to put music on or leave the room. I do worry sometimes that one day I will flip (I get an involuntary 'fight or flight' reaction to noise) and cause him harm :/

Drum2018 · 16/04/2019 20:46

Does my head in too. If dh is sitting near me I will have to cover my ears or just rub the ear nearest him to block the noise. I have said it to him. It enrages me at times so I leave the room.There are a few other people who annoy me too but I don't eat with them often. Rustling crisp packets, clapping (especially the clapping at golf on tv), sound of the indicator in car (oddly it's only when I'm a passenger) are other sounds that grate on my nerves.

nespressowoo · 16/04/2019 20:48

I'm the same, OP. DH is thankfully well-trained in that if he makes a slapping or slurping noise he immediately apologises 😂

My mother speaks with her mouth full and I am constantly telling her I can't understand what she says when she's got a mouth full.

goldeline · 16/04/2019 20:49

I'm about to start hypnotherapy for misophonia and can't bloody wait!

Livedandlearned · 16/04/2019 20:51

Fight or flight sums it up for me too.

Fight mostly.

BLACKTUESDAY1 · 16/04/2019 20:51

My dd1 has this. Its so bad for her that she can't bear to sit at the table with myself, dh and her brother.... Thing is she is a VERY noisy eater!! If we make one small sound while eating she gets very cross but she can chomp, slurp and crunch with the best of them

keepforgettingmyusername · 16/04/2019 20:52

Mine does this when he's eating pizza. I think it's just lazy dinners in front of the TV he forgets his manners and chews with his mouth open a bit. He doesn't do it at the table. I have to leave the room.

ShannonRockallMalin · 16/04/2019 21:02

I've become acutely aware of my DHs eating noises over the last few years, particularly as we tend to eat without the kids a lot more now they're teens, so it's often just us two. He clanks his cutlery really hard on his teeth and it drives me mad. I've mentioned it a couple of times but he's got really moody with me so I just have to bear it now and feel pleased he eats at twice the speed I do so he's finished quicker!

PumpkinPie2016 · 16/04/2019 21:11

YANBU!

I can't stand noisy eaters! I had a colleague who are noisily and also made noises generally - it drove me absolutely mad.

Then again, noise in general annoys me. For instance, the radio being on in the back ground, the tv being on when it's not specifically being watched, people tapping/humming - I could go on

I clearly need to live in a sound proof bubble

HostessTrolley · 16/04/2019 21:22

Haha yup.

My dh works away during the week, his noisy eating has got worse, probably because he eats alone Monday to Friday. Our range of meals at weekends is getting narrower as time goes by. No spare ribs or anything that comes with finger food - so nachos, garlic bread, naan bread - as I can’t cope with the finger sucking/lip smacking thing. Pasta shapes are ok but not spaghetti, linguine, or noodles as I can’t cope with the suck/slurp. Nothing crunchy because it sounds like I’ve chucked a handful of gravel in the washing machine. No boiled sweets in the car..

Meal suggestions greatly welcomed 😂

Soontobe60 · 16/04/2019 21:26

I have this! We eat our meals in front of a loud TV now, otherwise I would have stabbed my DH with a fork before now.
It's ok when we eat out as it's usually quite noisy.

ImTheRealHFella · 16/04/2019 21:27

Public transport issues are solved with noise cancelling headphones.

Best things EVER.

No more gum chewing issues!

PotsOfJoy · 16/04/2019 21:28

I've called the police over people eating apples near me before.

AuditAngel · 16/04/2019 21:32

DH moans when I eat french bread, but I can’t help my jaw clicking.

On th3 other hand, if he is eating and I am nit (especially crisps) I have to leave the room. He smacks his lips, won’t eat with his bloody mouth shut .

BruceAndNosh · 16/04/2019 21:32

I've called the police over people eating apples near me before
I bloody hope that's a joke!

Alfiesmom15 · 16/04/2019 21:33

None of you have ever heard my partner eat cereal..... good God I could kill him.... it actually infuriates me the way he eats.... and other people it genuinely is a issue.... I actually make myself angry at my own eating if I can hear myself chew..its full on fury at my own eating 😂

Decormad38 · 16/04/2019 21:37

Is it misphonia or just a slovenly dh. People can be irritated by noise without it being a condition!

MacavityTheDentistsCat · 16/04/2019 21:40

I have this too. There are days when I seriously wonder whether I can get through retirement with DH and potentially having to eat more than one meal a day with him.

BlackPrism · 16/04/2019 22:17

Of course he can help it, the rest of us manage.

powershowerforanhour · 16/04/2019 22:20

I am married to a slurper. I asked him not to once or twice and he got huffy and says he can't help it (he makes zero effort not to as far as I can tell). Then I started quietly leaving the kitchen to go and eat in the living room any time it was worse than normal (eg if he happened to be very hungry, has a stuffy nose which he is prone to, and I'd made spaghetti bolognese which he likes and eats fast -> perfect storm of hideousness). He asked why and I explained, whereupon he got huffy again but tough shit, I'm not going to sit and listen to it just so as not to hurt his feelings. I can stand it if it's mild but moderate to bad is awful. He is a finger licker as well (I do this too bit only when alone...the sight and sound of somebody else doing it is a bit yuk). He also gets his head down too low and shovels when hungry.
Good job I love him as it grates on me. I had an ex who was worse- so bad that I was physically repulsed by him in the end. Slurping, lip smacking, shovelling in huge forkfuls with his head down, diving his head to catch the chunks falling off the overloaded fork or spoon.....yuck yuck yuck. I'd rather clean the litter trays of 20 cats with diarrhoea than watch and listen to that.

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