To ask, is this the menopause?

[CaramelEmporium]

I’m nearly 45. Married, we rub along ok for the most part. One young child. I’m a stone or two overweight. Work full time, occasional periods of stress but generally ok if longish hours. No family childcare support. DH is pretty good, cooks etc but mental load of family life is predominantly on me. This is for context / background.

Periods are still regular but I’m a mess. Lapses of memory, lethargic all the time, absolutely no vavavoom for life, short tempered, over emotional. Indecisive.... I was buying tuna in the supermarket this afternoon and DH said I was like a rabbit in the headlights choosing. I’m snappy with my child and sometimes look at DH and want to kill him for sometimes just breathily ‘loudly’. Rarely get a good nights sleep. What the hell is wrong with me?

HRT? ADs? What’s the answer???

V similar here. I need a solution urgently. I don’t care what it is.

It's difficult to tell, isn't it. I'm similar at 43, but think stress makes it worse. And you sound quite stressed. I'm trying to exercise and take vitamins, stay healthy before anything else. St Johns wort seems to be helping a bit

Sounds like perimenopause to me, you have my sympathies, it sucks!

Peri-menopause, for sure. Talk to your gp about HRT. It's a lifesaver.

I think you're too young. I'm 49 and my periods are less regular but no memory lapses, my appetite is half what it used to be so not overweight.

I've had a couple of hot flushes though. They weren't that bad.

This is me. I'm 49.

I've also become nervous and jumpy. I'm like a completely different person. Periods still regular as clockwork.

Brain fog etc, losing my words. Complete exhaustion all the time.

I didn't think you could have HRT while still Gavin periods though?

When you climb the stairs, do you sometimes feel as if you have to pull your legs up, holding onto the stair rail because it is so tiring? I’m quite fit, and not overweight. This was the most distinctive menopause symptom for me, from about your age.

Not Gavin, having

What are the criteria for having HRT?

I need to read up and educate myself a bit more I think on all things peri and menopausal. I’m just not me, I feel ancient and I’m feel so few sparks of joy these days. I’m trying to exercise and lose weight, went for a run this morning but god it was hard work. Told DH I needed some time to myself today so he took DD off for the day then I felt guilty all day.

You absolutely can have HRT while still having periods. It's just a very low dose of hormones- much less than the pill if that puts it in perspective.
There's barely any risk for women under 50 too so if it might help then do try it.
(Yes, you sound like you are in peri OP!)

Sounds like perimenopause.
You’re not too young! I am 47 and started peri in my mid-thirties. I entered early menopause at 45.
I wish someone had suggested perimenopause when I was experiencing horrible symptoms in my 30s!
Get a GP appointment and ask to have the blood test that tells you where your hormones are at. If GP says the test is pointless, useless, not accurate, etc tell them you still want it done. Unfortunately, there’s a few GPs who still don’t understand menopause and the life changing effects it can have on women so don’t feel the need to do this blood test! So be demanding if you have to.
Once you have the results from this (get your numbers from your GP so you can research yourself - again not all GPS understand menopause) talk to your GP about HRT if you’re peri.
I use bio-identical HRT as after research I decided that’s what I wanted to try. HRT should be a personal choice.
I take Utrogestan capsules (progesterone) and Estraderm patches (oestrogen).
They have given me my life back!! And I’ve experienced no side effects.
I found the menopause matters forum a great source of info.
Good luck OP, peri symptoms are hard work.

YES! And you are not too young. For many women the perimeno starts in their 30s even if final period is many years later. You have my sympathy, it's awful. I intend to get to a meno specialist and look at HRT options soon.

You're not too young, this is me too and I'm 45

Definitely Peri-menopause.
I'm 47. I've been like this for 2 years now. Was really angry from 45- 47. It's calmed down now. But I'm not sleeping well, hot flushes, hot legs at night. Brain fog and terrible anxiety. But I can't have HRT due to womb cancer and breast cancer history in my family.
I've started Pilates which is really helping my stress levels while enjoying the exercise

You have my sympathy. I felt like this for years without understanding why. Luckily I started having hot flushes so went to the gp who prescribed HRT. I feel so much better now. Not super woman, but slowly slowly more like my old self. Still get very tired but my mood is stable and the brain fog is 95 percent gone.

Meno specialist? I didn’t know they existed! Who? Where? Any signposts greats appreciated.

Just google for your area. I have a name just need to find out how much and make that appointment. Check with your gp surgery first. You may get lucky and have a gp there with a special interest.

Ok! I just have, wowsers, there’s a few around. The only price I saw was £200. Frankly, I’m willing to remortgage the house and pay anything. There is hope!

I am completely desperate too - it’s bloody horrible. I was totally unprepared for this.

I honestly don't know why ( high risk groups excepted) women agonise over hrt?
I mean doctors put 14 year old girls on the pill ffs and hrt is much less extreme.

I started at 38 and have been on hrt a year now. I feel much better. ronany try chinese herbs if you can afford -lots of people swear by them.

Er, I’m not agonising over it. I’m anticipating the battle with my GP to get it. Everything (on the rare occasion I go - maybe once every three years) is a battle.

Probably perimenopausal but you might want to get your thyroid checked as well.

Maybe your DH no longer sparks joy in you

But seriously, sometimes at this age and having done years of the "mental load" (or as some call it the shit work) for a family, it's just tiredness and feeling unsupported and fed up.

Go on a holiday alone for a week, and see if that helps

I felt like this recently (I'm 44). Went to doctor and she suspected a vitamin d deficiency. I took a very high dose daily for a month and now on the normal daily supplement. I feel ten times better. Apparently 9 out of 10 adults in the UK have a bit d deficiency during winter, doc said everyone should be taking a supplement. It's worth a try, you can get the supplement in Boots. I got the 25 mg one a day and took 5 of them a day for a month.