To spend 2 years abroad

[yoursworried]

I have been offered, and accepted, a job overseas in SE Asia. It is a good package which includes housing, medical and school places at a good international school for my 2 DC. My motivations are financial - DH and I cannot afford to upgrade our house (SE England) unless we increase the mortgage to an uncomfortable level and we would like to move to an area in the catchment of a better secondary school than is currently available to us. We can both earn well in this country and hopefully bring back a large chunk of money to improve all our lives. I also think it will be an exciting experience for my DC and the opportunity to attend a great school.

But, I am overcome with guilt and worry that I am doing the wrong thing. DC are 6 and nearly 4 - next academic year they will be year 2 and R. They are both happy at their perfectly nice school (littlest is in the nursery class) and have friends. Older DC is confident and doesn't seem phased by the concept of what we are doing, but I still feel bad.

My mum and mil are both on their own and enjoy our children. They are late 60s and can travel. Outwardly they are supportive but I suspect they feel really gutted inside.

I'm so nervous and worried about the whole thing that it's stopped feeling like an adventure or a positive experience and started to become a massive source of anxiety and guilt. Am I being unfair on my DC and mum/mil by doing this? I know it's a thing many wouldn't do but I'm trying to look into the near future a bit.

My heart is in the UK and I def won't go long term, it's just not me but I thought I could manage 2 perhaps 3 years.

Bloody well done. Go for it and enjoy it

Your kids will be absolutely fine - it's a great age to go and will be a brilliant experience for them. Mums can come and visit - it will be an adventure for them too - and you will have a couple of trips home too I'm sure. Two years will be over before you know it. You've been offered a good package - it's a no-brainer. We moved our kids around when they were little (within Europe) and I would say it has been the absolute making of them. Parents used to visit and loved it. My kids are now in the final years of school so we need to stay put and my mum (only parent left) is now in her 80s so doesn't want to go too far afield. Do it now while you can - it's a great opportunity.

GET ON THAT PLANE!!!!

We moved ours at those ages. They slotted right in (international schools are well versed in kids moving about). About to take them back to the UK 4 years later, and while they are not unhappy where we are, they were also very happy to be told we are going back. People have said this (10 and 8) are good ages to move fingers crossed they are not just saying that as a way to justify our decision - I guess we will soon find out!

GET ON THAT PLANE!!!!

thank you.

I am worried that DD (the older one) will
It's her friends more than she realises she will, or just hate it and I will feel very guilty. But I have to keep reminding myself that I can't remember much about being 6.

I would like to be back for her upper primary years so that she can go off to High school with a few familiar faces. I guess I'm not naturally brave so this feels massive to me - DH moved a lot as a kid and thinks it'll be great for them.

WinterHeatWave thank you for sharing your experience - so glad to hear hey slotted In well. Fingers crossed for your return I'm sure you'll all be fine!

Go for it ....it will be a great experience for you all .

At 6 and nearly 4, they're at a great age to go. It's when kids get older and are much more settled in school and attached to friends that they've had for years, then it gets harder.
The fact that your eldest DC is looking forward to the idea is great.

If it was me, I would definitely go. It's a great opportunity for you all.

The fact that your eldest DC is looking forward to the idea is great.

I think this is my trump card: very lucky that she is a non-worrying type and takes things in her stride. I know not all children are like that

The youngest has pretty hazy memories of the UK. For example, he knew snow was fun, and we told him it was going to be cold, but his little face the day it actually snow when we were back in the UK.... for him "cold" was a cool morning, rising above 20C by lunch..... He is only in contact with one little friend, and that is partly because his big brother is loosly friends with my oldest.
The bigger one (6 when moved, 10 now), still has a number of friend we see each summer when we visit. He still gets a party invite for the summer holiday party, which is lovely. Personally, skyping didn't work, but annual visits have kept things ticking over. That said, the bigger one will gave more people from here he will want to keep in touch with than the younger one. Maybe its personality linked?

go for it, it's the perfect age, when your oldest is a pre-teen and your mother and mil are older you'll want to be here at home, this is your chance to go away and have a big family adventure. Go.

No brainer! 2 years will fly and it will give your children a completely different dimension on life.
Presume your house in the UK will be rented and then you can come back when this Brexit nonsense is over.

Presume your house in the UK will be rented and then you can come back when this Brexit nonsense is over

Haha yes we will rent our house (it's in a popular area so should be for quite a bit more than the mortgage) and with any luck Brexit may have been cancelled sorted out a bit!

There is something in the water ATM and that makes me a little skeptical. My cousin and his wife are doing this EXACT package currently and so are friends of ours.

Both the exact same package you have described, and also SE Asia! Makes me wonder what is going on 🤔

I've lived abroad with young kids and it was fine. I wouldn't do it when they're older than about 8-10 (unless I really had to) but at this age it'll be an interesting opportunity. Be careful that the international school really is good. They tend to be outrageously expensive (as no one actually pays out of pocket the company always offers it as part of a package) and they are not usually the same quality as private schools in the UK (although some are great).

In general I've found ex-pat communities really welcoming and have loved the experience. It's much easier to slot in and make friends than it is in the UK!

There is something in the water ATM and that makes me a little skeptical

Why skeptical? My job is at a well established international school if that makes you less skeptical! Maybe lots of people want to escape UK teaching and avoid Brexit

We emigrated twice with kids

Once when they were 1 and 3, and again when they were 4 and 6

The first year is hard work, just making everything work! The second year we really enjoyed it

We came to the UK when kids were in yr R and yr 2

It took them a bit to adapt, but nothing too bad

We never regretted it as such (though at times it was hard) and it enabled us to buy a house in the UK we otherwise could not have afforded.

10yrs on I am still so grateful for that house, and feel lucky (until I remember it was hard work. Did I mention it was hard work? ) and we have great memories (though the kids don't remember a thing!)

I moved abroad when I was 6 and didn't come back to the UK until 18 moving several times to different locations in the Middle East and Asia.

I wouldn't change it for the world, the best decision my parents ever made! It can be tough at times leaving groups of friends but I'd always settle in the new location just fine.

I think you should go for it!!!

Go for it. You will find that there will be a whole expat community. I have moved around a few times with my DC. It was much easier living abroad. Trust me. International school was a great experience. You and children will gain.

Go for it! Its an amazing experience for you all, even if they are sad at leaving their friends, will quickly settle into their new school and life.

Go

GO GO GO

Your kids will be fine, you will be fine.

Wrong every possible opportunity out if it you can. Travel around there as much as you can. ENJOY IT. Don’t just see it as something to move you up the housing ladder.

Lots & lots of children go to senior schools that aren’t follow ons from their junior schools, so don’t be worried about that either.

One thing you need to check out though is the proposed law around rental properties. I read on here yesterday that there’s a proposed law giving tenants the right to remain in the property...I haven’t looked into it yet, so I have no idea whether it’s correct or what the proposal actually is, but given all the changes to rental property laws I’d check it out carefully. Apart from the fact you might end up with lifelong tenants 😳 if you decide it’s too risky to let it out you might end up in a worse position property wise if you have to sell now & re-buy later. You might not, but you need to have a good think about that.

I have been on MN for 15 years and this is only the second time I have written this sentence:

“ Your husband is right”.

Your kids will love it, it’s an amazing opportunity for you all. Congratulations !

And I’m sure that your M and MIL will enjoy coming out to visit. They will get very good deals on flights if they can be flexible about dates.

*I have been on MN for 15 years and this is only the second time I have written this sentence:

“ Your husband is right”.*

I laughed out loud at this

To the pp who said about rental laws; yes I saw something about this and I will need to take a good look at this. The plan atm is to rent out, and when we come back we willing rent in the new area we think we want to live in before selling our current house and then buying something new. I don't know how the new plans might effect this.

@IncrediblySadToo I don't suppose you could link me to the thread you mention about rentals? DH and I are trying to understand this properly through google and are having trouble!

What will happen about DCs’ school on return? Presume most popular schools are oversubscribed, so you will lose place at DC1’s current school, send them to a less popular school, sell your home and move much closer to your desired secondary?