To spend 2 years abroad

[yoursworried]

I have been offered, and accepted, a job overseas in SE Asia. It is a good package which includes housing, medical and school places at a good international school for my 2 DC. My motivations are financial - DH and I cannot afford to upgrade our house (SE England) unless we increase the mortgage to an uncomfortable level and we would like to move to an area in the catchment of a better secondary school than is currently available to us. We can both earn well in this country and hopefully bring back a large chunk of money to improve all our lives. I also think it will be an exciting experience for my DC and the opportunity to attend a great school.

But, I am overcome with guilt and worry that I am doing the wrong thing. DC are 6 and nearly 4 - next academic year they will be year 2 and R. They are both happy at their perfectly nice school (littlest is in the nursery class) and have friends. Older DC is confident and doesn't seem phased by the concept of what we are doing, but I still feel bad.

My mum and mil are both on their own and enjoy our children. They are late 60s and can travel. Outwardly they are supportive but I suspect they feel really gutted inside.

I'm so nervous and worried about the whole thing that it's stopped feeling like an adventure or a positive experience and started to become a massive source of anxiety and guilt. Am I being unfair on my DC and mum/mil by doing this? I know it's a thing many wouldn't do but I'm trying to look into the near future a bit.

My heart is in the UK and I def won't go long term, it's just not me but I thought I could manage 2 perhaps 3 years.

What will happen about DCs’ school on return? Presume most popular schools are oversubscribed, so you will lose place at DC1’s current school, send them to a less popular school, sell your home and move much closer to your desired secondary?

When we return, we plan to rent in the area where we would like them to attend secondary school which is a few miles away from our current location. None of the primary schools in this area look to be 'bad' on paper so it wouldn't matter which one they went to.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3558741-To-think-that-if-a-landlord-evicts-you-ie-makes-you-homeless-to-sell-you-shouldnt-get-stiffed-for-cleaning-charges-by-the-agent-when-you-move-out

Could be this thread being referred to. Skim the first half!

Wow OP, I so envy you! It's only 2-3 years, and your work arrangement is all set up for your DCs' schooling, which is usually the biggest headache when it comes to a foreign posting.

I spent five years of my childhood in Hong Kong. Loved it. My friend's DCs grew up in Singapore. The whole family had a fantastic time. It's an awesome opportunity to learn a new language and understand a different culture.

As for DM and MIL, the 60s are youngish and prime age for travelling. They'll appreciate the excuse you give them to take off!

We lived abroad for a few years when DCs were small. Never regretted it. On the whole I dont regret I have done only the things I could have done but didnt.

Moving abroad, being the foreigner, having to be the ones who have to find their place, struggle with the language/laws/customs gave us a very different perspective when we moved back to the UK.

Go for it. Life is way too short to turn down the opportunity for an adventure!

100% go for it. We are expats in a different location and it’s a brilliant experience for kids. Be warned ... EVERYONE starts by saying “just two years” but then it flies by and you think “just two more” and before you know it, you’re me and 11 years away

My kids are the same age as yours and we’ve done this - twice in fact. Once to SE Asia and once to Europe where we now live. They are thriving and so are we. Your kids are still young and will have a fantastic experience, you may not get another chance. PM if you like - I might have been to the same SE Asian country as you!

@honeydukes92 it’s just a very typical expat package - no need to be skeptical

It sounds like a great opportunity! The change to rental laws is just a proposal and would need to go through the whole legislative process before becoming law, so I wouldn't worry about it too much at this point.

Not one poster has said " No , don't go ". So , ...Have a safe journey and enjoy the adventure...

I'm a teacher in an International school. I went for 2 years and 12 years later I'm still overseas. I spent 6 years in my first school and I'm in my 6th in another in a different country. Best. Decision. Ever. PM me if you have any questions.

We went to SE Asia with a little kid, stayed for 3 years and loved it. It changed my life. Go for it, you won’t regret it. Kids were fine as long as you explain exactly what is happening and why. E.g. we will stay here until I finish my work then we will go back. Expat communities are full of people with kids moving around so they will be with kids who have had the same experiences. Enjoy it.

you'll always regret it if you don't.

Definitely go, it's a no brainer, your sub conscious is looking for excuses that just aren't there.

Go. Your dc are young and will be fine so long as you are fine and positive

I know several teachers who have set themselves up for life doing this when the kids were young. Go for it!

what and adventure for you all! Total no-brainer

I moved back to the UK last year after five years expatting and I have itchy feet again...it really opens you up to other ways of living, other cultures, and it builds resilience and self sufficiency.

Bon voyage!

We moved to the Middle East when I was 13 and my brothers 1 and 9. We went to excellent international schools and then moved to Thailand three years later where my parents stayed for another 12 years. We all look back in fondness at those times and got an excellent education out of it.

I lived for a few years in Singapore as a child before moving back. I absolutely loved it and have the fondest memories. It exposed me to a completely different world, way of living, food, culture, etc that I wouldn't have received here. Kids are resilient- and if anything it taught me how to make friends in different places, cope with change, be immersed in another culture, be adventurous, try new things.

Plus, in SE Asia, an amazing, once in a lifetime, dream location family holiday is like going to the Algarve in terms of cheap flights etc. Think Bali, Lomok, Koh Samui, Chang Mai, even the Maldives is 4 hours from Singapore.

Total no brainer.

I'm in a similar position OP, deciding whether or not to accept a position in SE Asia - it's fucking terrifying but the positives far outweigh the negatives (I think!). It's such an unknown but everything I've read and researched tells me I'd be crazy to pass it up. And I definitely think the time is right while the kids are so young.
Good luck!

Thanks for all your support. It is Singapore for those who have mentioned it :-)
We are booking the flight tonight which is reimbursed by employer 😱🎉

Singapore is a good place to live, great schools, nice holidays to be had. Huge expat community. Amazing food!

I have friends who live there, they enjoy it. We visited once, really liked it