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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What's it like being a younger mum?

51 replies

2quidfalafels · 16/04/2019 14:52

Whenever anyone I know talks about having kids, they say 22 (my age) is far too young.

I don't feel ready for kids right now, but I can't really see why it would really be a problem if I did get pregnant and choose to see it through. 22 used to be quite a standard age for it in the past, didn't it?

Were any of you younger mums? How did you find it? Were people judgemental?

OP posts:

kb1992 · 16/04/2019 14:55

I was 23 when I had my son and never received any negative reactions, I've been with my now husband since I was 15 so I think because we'd been together so long everyone thought it was the right time? Who knows. Now 26 and pregnant with baby number 2 x

BirthdayKake · 16/04/2019 14:57

I like it. I'm 29, but look about 22, and pregnant with my fifth. We constantly get looks and comments, but I'm glad I hopefully have longer with my children :)

Pardonwhat · 16/04/2019 14:59

I think 22 is a perfectly average and unotable age to have children.
I was several years younger. It was hard but I can’t imagine it’s easy at any age if I’m honest!
I wouldn’t change anything.

Charley34 · 16/04/2019 15:00

I had my son at 19 very alone family issues Etc but the ones I did have helped no one ever said a bad word about my age all praised me and proud even to this day 15 years later I'm told he is an asset to me I've done great Etc I needed to hear that .it's tough even now only child and it doesn't get easier but I wouldn't change him for anything .

Lew1993 · 16/04/2019 15:00

I was 22 when I had my first, 25 with my second. I haven't really received any negative comments apart from when at work (retail), serving a gentleman that noticed I was pregnant and said asked my age, I said 22 and he said "oh right, I thought you were gonna say 17, that's ok then" .. pretty rude!

Chocolateisfab · 16/04/2019 15:03

I had dd at 17 and while young, never had any negative comments. Feel more uneasy now with a 4yo at 47 tbh.

IntoValhalla · 16/04/2019 15:06

I’m 24 (DH is 29) and due my third baby later this year. I look younger than I am too.
DH and I got married when I was 19 and DC1 followed very quickly afterwards. DC2 followed not quite a year and a half after DC1.
No one (strangers anyway!) has ever said anything negative, but some of the “looks” I got when pushing DC1 in her pram with my massive baby bump were hideous And I’m fully expecting that again when I can no longer hide this pregnancy. But that’s their issue, not mine. My DCs have two parents who provide a roof over their heads, food in their belly’s and they never go without anything. My age is completely irrelevant when it comes to my parenting skills. There are shit young mums, shit older mums and everything in between!

hellsbellsmelons · 16/04/2019 15:10

I think it depends on where you are with your life.
22 is fine if you are financially secure etc..... Have a long-ish term partner with the same future goals.
Most 22 YO now haven't even left home due to the housing issues and property prices.
A lot of women now want independence and to build themselves a career before settling down.
My DD is 21 and I would really like her to be a bit older before she has DC. But if she wanted them now I would not judge her at all. I'd just be there to support her.

loulou417 · 16/04/2019 15:13

Had DD at 21, which was a complete shock. It definitely made me grow up fast and I lost a lot of friends as a result (surprisingly none of my uni friends understood why I could no longer go out at a drop of a hat). I was the youngest in most of the baby and toddler groups where I first lived and definitely got some whispers. Where I live now is a lot more friendly and I get no reaction whatsoever. The question you get most is "Well don't you miss your freedom?". People seem to think having a baby is like a prison sentence. My life has changed but absolutely for the better.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 16/04/2019 15:15

Its not what I would want for mine at 22. Assuming uni, that leaves barely any time to have started a career let alone be stable in one. They may not be on the property ladder by then and any stable adult relationship is at most four years old and realistically the chances of it being long term are not great. I'd want them to travel, get stable and have some fun before they have to be responsible for another human being.

theSnuffster · 16/04/2019 15:18

I had my DS when I'd just turned 21. One of my uncles made a comment that I'd end up a single Mum on benefits living in a council flat. None of his business either way of course but none of those things have happened so far and DS is now 10. My uncle is usually a lovely man so no idea why he reacted that way!

I've found being a mum incredibly hard, but I can't imagine it would've been any easier if I'd waited until I was older to start a family.

Asta19 · 16/04/2019 15:27

I had my first at 19 and second at 21 (I'm nearly 50 now). If anyone was negative about it, it was never to my face. I certainly didn't notice anything. I think it was an advantage from the fact of having so much energy. I bounced back really quickly from both births. I never suffered the exhaustion I see people talk about on here. I found it no problem at all to look after them both, keep the house tidy, cook etc. I don't think I would have had the same energy in my mid thirties, well I know I wouldn't!

It also meant they were both basically adults by the time I was 40, by then I also had a decent career so more disposable income and I probably "did my 20s" then! I travel a lot, lots of time to indulge all my hobbies etc. Personally, while it wasn't without it's hardships, I'm glad I did it that way round.

Bessica1970 · 16/04/2019 15:28

I've done both - first baby at 20, last baby at 40.

Financially it was incredibly hard with my first child - living in a not great area, where I didn't want him to play outside. I did all the right things (educational trips, reading etc) but my son was very naughty from school age onwards.
Fast forward many years my youngest two children are angels - incredibly well behaved, and so clever.
I honestly don't know if it's down to different genes (from different dad) or because I'm just better at parenting now, because I've been around longer.

GruciusMalfoy · 16/04/2019 15:29

I was that age when I had my first child. I felt fairly young, and it would certainly have been better to have been a few years older. I didn't receive any negative reactions, and people have always said I seemed more mature than my years. But internally, I was a bit of an emotional mess in the early days.

AlaskanOilBaron · 16/04/2019 15:31

I think 22 is a perfectly average and unotable age to have children.

Incorrect. The average age of first-time mothers in the UK is 30.

RogueV · 16/04/2019 15:34

I was 32 when I had DS and felt like a younger mum, currently 36 with a 3 month old and still feel quite young

Mrsglitterfairy · 16/04/2019 15:35

I was 21 when I fell pregnant with my much wanted 1st ds. I got so many comments such as ‘aw what are you going to do’ and ‘what’s your boyfriend said’ it was pretty hurtful. But we knew we wanted to be young parents, had lived together for about a year, both happy at work etc. Had my second ds at 25 and married their dad when I was 30.
I love being a younger mum, by the time I’m 40 and DH is 43 the boys will be 15 and 18 and we can start doing things for ourselves again. I’m just on the edge of going into further education now to study for my chosen career which I should be fully qualified in before I turn 40. So for us, it was definitely the right way round of doing things.

Dutch1e · 16/04/2019 15:36

I had my first at 18 and had some pretty disheartening comments. One unlovely stranger in the street told me "you should have had an abortion" on my first day of being out after months of HG.

Physically it was a great time to have a baby, and mentally/emotionally it was much less worrying than when I had my second at 36. You're more blasé when you're young, with a fundamental belief that everything will turn out fine (which it did).

Nameusernameuser · 16/04/2019 15:38

20 when I DS. Big surprise but thought lots about whether to continue the pregnancy. Live with DP, saving for a house deposit, my son is the funniest thing ever but always been an incredible eater and sleeper, easy peasy really. Went back to work when he was 6 months old, into a very similar job I wanted had I gone to uni. Just passed some exams too. I'd love to say that I've got loads of energy because I'm young but I think every mum knows that it's relentless and exhausting at times. Overall feel the same as any other parent I talk to to be honest. I think when you're young you get offered loads of help by everyone though because they want you to be able to go out and enjoy yourself because you're still young. 35 year old mum's don't get that choice, they are expected to crack on.

Lew1993 · 16/04/2019 15:45

Forgot to say also at work my manager when he found out said "oh I'm so disappointed for you, you've ruined your life"
I think I've managed just fine and have a polite little 3 DS and certainly don't feel like ruined my life.

Original poster

2quidfalafels · 16/04/2019 16:03

Wow, a mixed bag but mostly positive there. Glad to hear so many positive experiences and sorry for those of you who haven't had such an easy time.

The main thing I would be worried about is me and my boyfriend splitting in the future, but we've been happily living together for four years now so I can't see it happening - hopefully not, anyway!

OP posts:

pansydansy · 16/04/2019 16:34

I was married at 16, had first baby at 17, 2nd at 18 and 3rd at 20. My parents hated it but couldn't say much. Had 4th at 29 and 5th at 32.
Much preferred to have them young, I've struggled with the last two.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 16/04/2019 16:37

I was 20 when I had my first and just had my second at 25 and I would never change it.

I have more energy than the older mums around me and I love that by the time I'm 40,my eldest will be 20 and off to uni or what ever and the second will be 15 and capable of doing a lot herself.

I haven't had to sacrifice career time as I study after having my first.

I'm now done having children so have had my career break early on and I can now power through and enjoy building on that.

DesparateDino · 16/04/2019 16:40

20 with my first and 25 with my second. I never felt judged, a lot of the other school gate mums were my age. (I live in a so called deprived area)

Love still being relatively young now mine are 17 and 12. I could't imaging having another baby now at 37. But DH and I both had good jobs and bought a house. I can imagine it being very hard for some.

Xenia · 16/04/2019 16:41

I was 22, but I had graduated justabout top of year in law and finished post grad nad had a pretty good London job and owned a house and had a husband so people tended to think I was relatively important and successful and I worked full time when she was 2 or 3 weeks old so.

So no problem at all. It was lovely.

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