What's it like being a younger mum?

[2quidfalafels]

Whenever anyone I know talks about having kids, they say 22 (my age) is far too young.

I don't feel ready for kids right now, but I can't really see why it would really be a problem if I did get pregnant and choose to see it through. 22 used to be quite a standard age for it in the past, didn't it?

Were any of you younger mums? How did you find it? Were people judgemental?

AlaskanOilBaron
It was clear I meant ‘average’ in the sense of common and unotable if you weren’t busy being so pedantic about my comment.
Having worked in maternity I have quite a good idea of the scope of ages.
Yes - statistical average is 30.5 as of last year - slowly climbing.

I was 24 when we got married and 25 when we had our first. It was fine!

All 4 in my 20s which I don’t think is young . Youngest 11 so in mid 40s they will all be adults and I will look forward to becoming a granny

I can’t imagine what it would have been like to have had a baby at 22. I would have been a year out of university, working three jobs to pay rent as I completed the final stage of studying to start my career. And I wouldn’t have been married, though now-DH and I were living together. I did get pregnant through a contraceptive failure at 23, though we opted to terminate, as it was still far too early for us, and we weren’t married yet.

Given what you’ve just said about you and your boyfriend potentially splitting up in the future, wouldn’t you want to be married first, OP? So that you have the right to financial help with your children if you ever do break up?

I was 16 with DS1. I think the main thing that made it hard for me was the judgement, when I made simple mistakes like every other mum does, I had family telling me that I wasn’t cut out to be a mum. A lot of my family didn’t want to help me either, as they wanted to ‘punish’ me for being a young mum and wanted me to deal with everything on my own. I felt very alone, even with DH supporting me. I’m now 18 and expecting DC2, I will be 19 when they’re born. Me and DH have a house now and both work good jobs, I honestly feel like being a young mum has given me a drive that I never would have if I hadn’t had my son. I’ve wanted to give him the best life possible and pushed myself to do that. It’s still hard, but I’m glad I did it as I feel I have a bond with my little boy thats really unique as we’ve come through so much together.

I was 23 and happy to become a mum, we both had stable jobs and had a house.

no negative feedback from me, we struggle financially a when DC were pre school and just starting primary as child care was difficult for a preschooler and a one at school. But from friends experience and reading on here these are the worst years for most financially.
love it now even more with dc are teens, I'm 40, and DH and me have our lives back pretty much, work and social

I had my eldest three months after I turned 19. Found parenting very easy, continues education. Had second child at 24 and third at 27. Second child was also super easy. Third was likely the hardest and I was the oldest but he had colic till 13 weeks and wouldn't sleep till 3am and I had the girls to get ready for school and nursery so I spent the first 13 weeks like a zombie.

Having said that, my first wasn't planned d and whilst it turned out well and I don't regret her I do regret not having experienced alot of my friends did..like travelling and working abroad. Living with my husband prior to having kids and being able to be more frivolous with money, nights out and holidays child free etc. I'd like my children to experience that but ultimately it's their lives and il support them regardless.

I was at uni when I had my first 2. They were planned.

I had my first at 22, unplanned and it was hard. From comments by randoms to feeling utterly on the outside in our NCT group to even things said by midwives. Similar to a pp upthread, if I made a judgement call older mums disagreed with then it was due to my inexperience and age.

Still to this day (mid 30’s with 2 more DC!) when someone asks how many DC I have and their ages, I get a look when I say eldest is 13 and I’m asked more often than I think is fair if they have the same father (they do).

No regrets but the stigma, for me, of being a young mum certainly didn’t end 10+ years ago.

16 with my 1st, 21 with my 2nd.
Eldest turns 20 this month and youngest 15 this year.
I'd do it the same over again.

I had my first (unplanned) at 25. The big advantage of being younger is that sleepless nights aren’t a killer! I had my second at 30 and definitely felt more exhausted! I didn’t find people judgemental although at times I felt I was missing out when my friends were out partying or heading off on girl holidays but that’s a small price to pay! Having a 14 year old daughter at 39 is brilliant though. We get on so well, I really enjoy her company and we do loads together. And of course she always borrows my clothes and make up

I had my first at just turned 20, second at 21, third at 25, fourth at 28 and expecting dc5 now at 31

I still look fairly young. Have been ided for calpol in last year.

When i had dc1 the main thing i discovered was how i no longer had any thing in common with my peers. I have had the odd comment about me being a good girl looking after siblings, or "are ALL of those children YOURS?" It has bothered me in the past but now my skin is thick and if folk are rude to me they shall get the same attitude back

I was nearly 22 yes i got judgement but i actually didn't care a jot what people . I am now at the end of my 40s with adult children I like it some of my same age friends have school kids and tbh I am relieved all that is behind me.

You should not be judged at any age. Looking at my DMs generation it was perfectly normal to have your first at 19, as long as you were married that is.
My friends are a mixed bag, some had babies late teens others in their 30s, we all were sexual active some got caught. It worked well being young for a few of them and it was a shock for others in both age brackets.
There is no right time, it depends on the individual.

I was 19 and had my 3rd at 23!

I don’t regret it at all. We bought a house and got married and are still happy together. But In all honesty it was really hard. Doing my teaching degree with 3 children under the age of 4 was horrific and I look back and don’t know how I did it. Selfishly We have never had the money just to do what we wanted to. The children always needed something, wether that was new shoes or driving lessons, there’s always something. I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I never had any direct comments but I felt judged. Times had changed since I was a child and I followed everything by the book. I noticed a few eye rolls when I refused to give ds baby rice at 8 weeks to make him sleep and even though ds was gaining weight every week I was told bottle feeding would be better so I knew what he was having.

With ds1 I lacked so much confidence with professionals. I felt they were judging me but they weren’t. Friendships also changed due to no social life.

I get loads of comments now about how proud I must be of my children and what a good job I have done. But not one person told me at the time I was doing okay and that’s when I needed to hear it.

Got pregnant like a year after I graduated. I was 22 She’s the best made me grow up really quick became more focussed and basically I got my shit together . I’m a single mum And I think people sometimes judge me before they know me. I’m 27 this year and really just loving it but I think I’m one of the younger ones and some of the mums aren’t so pleasant . I’m not too fussed my child minder does most of the drop off. I think because I did fb have much security and had to build everything up from the bottom it was tough but if you have security both financial and emotional then I don’t see why not

I was 19 when I had my first. I didn’t feel any different to any other mums. I was always pretty mature at a young age and I adapted to motherhood pretty well. Never a perfect mother but I tried my best at all times. I pretty much did it all myself too. My ex was useless.

I never felt judged. People probably were judging me behind my back but who cares 🤷‍♀️ There’s good and bad mothers of all ages.

I had 2 children by 21. Never really had anyone be judgmental other than some old busybodies who would probably have been judgmental no matter my age! I just now get people being surprised that I have a 12 year old because I ‘don’t look old enough’

It was clear I meant ‘average’ in the sense of common and unotable if you weren’t busy being so pedantic about my comment.

'Average' is hardly open to interpretation where numbers (like age) are concerned - I'm amused that you could find this pedantic. 22 is far younger than average i.e. exceptional.

AlaskanOilBaron
Averages certainly are opened to interpretation if we’re being this pedantic with one another’s meaning. Mode, mean, etc. And 22 is certainly not exceptional or anything worth any surprise. I’ve seen expectant Mother’s 13-44. 18-38 I’d say being very ‘every day’.

I was 24 and never had any comments, but I don’t think I was ready and really knew what you do with babies. I see older mums out with their babies now and think back shit I never did that with my dc1. I had no confidence at all. If I had my dc1 now aged 36, I’d be so much more confident and financially better off to do fun things.

I had ds at 20 but by that point I owned a house, was with dp a long time, had a good job so I guess no different than if I had been 30.

Nobodys ever really commented on my age, but i'm glad I've almost got it out of the way and I can spend my 40s doing what I want because DS will be grown up!

ds I almost 3 and im glad I had him when I did!

I had my first at 22. Only a couple of colleagues were surprised (I worked in an industry where the average age to have children is around 35). I never went back after maternity leave and I had my second the following year.

All of my "mum friends" are in their 30s but you wouldn't think they're older than me. Maybe I'm mature for my age. Or perhaps I'm just not immature.

Financially we probably could have waited a few more years but we're comfortable. I may be back into work soon on a part time basis. I feel ready to work again and I don't want a huge career break as I am aware how detrimental that can be.

I feel we'll have more fun money and stability when my DC in their early teens but as I said, we're okay so it's not concerning.

Mentally I do sometimes feel I should have waited. That perhaps I'd be more knowledgeable and mellow. But who knows.

Overall, if I did this all again I would have waited until my late 20s. Nevertheless, I'm happy.

I had my first at 21, then had 2 more at 23 and 24, and my last at 30.
I didn’t find it too hard having my first younger, you just get on with it, and I’ve always enjoyed having kids. I do feel like now at 30+ I’m more confident and experienced so things like breastfeeding have been much easier whereas I struggled the first couple of times - but whether that’s an age thing or a more kids thing I’m not sure, it’s probably a combination of both. I have no regrets about starting younger.

I think it's all relative. I grew up in a rough area where a lot of girls ended up pregnant before they finished school, some during college. So 22 would seem quite old. As an adult I have moved into different social circles (probably considered very middle class) where people are very career focussed and tend to either not want children, or have them in their mid to late 30s. At 27 when I announced my first pregnancy my friends were all quite shocked and made "jokey" comments about me frittering away my youth. There was much concern about if we were ready and what would happen to my career. This seemed ridiculous to me because I felt like I had left it quite late. Part of me still wishes I'd started earlier as early menopause runs in my family.

Essentially the take home message is that as a mother every single thing that you do is wrong and will be judged harshly by all and sundry. Isn't it so wonderful to be a lady?