Regarding wanting family members car?

[nighttimebrowser]

My grandmother recently gave up driving due to an eye condition and she has a lovely, new-ish small car that runs well.

My mum mentioned it to be and I casually said 'oh so what's she doing with the car?' and was told that it's being given to my cousin as he's having a baby in the October w/ his GF.

Bit of background, all us grandchildren (3- me, my sister & my cousin) are of driving age, my cousin & I are in our 20's.

I got my driving license recently and have been looking around for a car that's a good price, and is in good condition & I was 100% planning on paying for the car if it was available.

It's worth around £1500 & been given completely free to my cousin, who doesn't have a license and has failed the test a fair few times & doesn't have a job. (Apparently my aunt is going to be paying for it for him).

AIBU to be a bit upset? Here I am with a job, actual driving license the money to buy the car & pay for petrol, insurance regularly & everyone knows I've been looking for an affordable car.

My cousin has had everything given to him, they haven't bought anything for the baby themselves, GF doesn't have a job & hasn't for the entire 2 years I've known her & my cousin doesn't have one either (though has been struggling to find one). They are both going to be living w/ GF's family when baby arrives.

I know that having a car can be helpful when you have a baby but it's definitely not a necessity, especially when neither can afford to pay for it let alone provide for their own child. When I say everything has been brought for them, I mean everything! All brand new too courtesy of GF's family.

It feels unfair because it is unfair, but you don’t have the same parents and his Mum is entitled to help him as much as she wants.

However, I completely agree with you OP and would be miffed!! I can’t stand freeloading adults!

Also if I was in your position OP, I would look into getting a really nice car on finance.

@Timewarpdancer Yeah that's what I suspect too. Or they'll be really cheeky and sell it.

I brought them some lovely bits for the baby (outfits, vests, socks & a high chair as I felt bad for them in the beginning) but after seeing all the stuff they have had brought for them I'm kind of resenting spending money on them & there has been no effort on either ones part to get a job, when I was job hunting I was applying to jobs all day everyday and attending interviews constantly! She's not due till October so has plenty of time to work and save some money till then.

@PurpleCrazyHorse That's good to hear as I was so reluctant to look into car loans due to affecting a potential mortgage application. Both DP & I have good education & jobs but I didn't want to risk anything looking bad. We won't be looking to move for at least a year so that could give me time to pay the majority off.

@Cloudyyy it's annoying isn't it? When I moved out to my partners after coming back from uni my parents offered me money for new furniture that we wanted/help with moving costs etc but I turned it down as I've worked since I was 16 & all through uni so I had quite a bit saved.

I wouldn't have dreamt of accepting the money, if I needed it I would have stayed home & worked before officially moving out.

@Cloudyyy I'm reluctant to spend loads on money via finance as I don't want a super nice car, just something that looks good and runs well. DP's brother has an expensive car on finance and has tonnes of debt because he can't afford the payments anymore without a credit card.

My cousin is the same.
Same age as me, yet loses every job he has after five minutes, decides he wants to be this, then that and it always fails. Still lives with my Gran and gets payout after payout after payout from her. She feels sorry for him yet he's taken her for an absolute ride for most of his life. She even paid his inheritance out to him early! It really bothered me to begin with but now I can hold my head up high because I know I've created a decent life for myself and not at the expense of someone else. You should do the same OP!

Second hand is great for a bargain (new cars generally depreciate half their value after purchase!) but you do need to do research first before buying.

Ps I am no car expert, this is all gleaned from half listening to my DH over the years

Yes I agree! But you don’t have to go for a flashy brand new car on finance. You can buy approved used cars that are fab through dealerships and take them on inexpensive finance deals. Just something to look into that’s all.

@AnnieCat84 That's atrocious!! Your Gran is being taken advantage of and sounds blinded by love

You're right, I'm going to buy my own car without any handouts and they can stuff it with their no job, handout life. How embarrassing for them.

@Jenniferyellowcat Ah, thanks to your DP for that info then, that's what my boyfriend has been saying as he has a second hand car on finance (bit to flashy for my liking though and he didn't realise the insurance would be so expensive)

Maybe I'll take a while to go round some garages and really look into informing myself so I can make the best decision. I honestly haven't looked too much yet so I could definitely do with some more research. (And visit some bigger garages further away!)

YANBU. Grandma has basically given one GC £1500 and given the others nothing. If you treat your DC and GC differently then you can’t be upset or surprised when they get annoyed and stop bothering with you.

@Cloudyyy Definitely my boyfriend got a flashy (but not too flashy) car on finance and is regretting the insurance costs now, especially as we don't have a driveway.

On the bright side OP there's a lot of satisfaction in doing things for yourself and knowing everything you have you earned. It's a harsh bit of growing up when you realise life really isn't fair but it saves an awful lot of disappointment if you learn early on not to expect it to be It's a bit shit, no question and your feelings are justified but all you can do is turn that feeling into determination to get what you want out of life. Hope you can get your own wheels soon

Has your grandmother got anything you might be able to get your hands on instead of the car?

I understand, OP - it's not as if you feel they've got to give it to you and you intended to pay anyway, but there's no denying it's sickening to see spongers constantly bailed out. Somehow they always know the right heartstrings to pull and just the right phrase to use and it's unlikely they're even grateful

Nothing wrong with a good old vent, but I agree with the PP who said you're the winner in the end because you behave as an independent adult. Always hang onto that mindset and ou won't go far wrong

@SuperSara No, she's not unwell or dying (thank god as I love her to bits) but she had to give up the car due to eye sight.

@Puzzledandpissedoff Thank you I'm so glad you lot have helped me, you all seem to have your heads screwed on I thought I was going crazy for a while as none of the rest of my family (sister & parents) could see my side 😂😂

@nighttimebrowser Mortgages are all about affordability now and we were saving lots (living on beans) to get a decent deposit. If you're hoping to buy in a year and don't really need a car, I would save instead and pop the monthly savings on your mortgage application affordability form. Buy the house, settle in, get your budget in place, then buy a car from your savings if you need/want to.

Obviously if you need a car now, then a short term loan, you pay off every month and is done by the time you apply, will be totally fine. It's a problem on your application if you don't pay on time or you're still making sky high payments so the bank think you can't afford your mortgage payment as well. A mortgage advisor will be able to give you loads more info relating to your own specific circumstances, especially as your BF has car finance and high insurance costs to factor in.

Presuming you're buying with your BF

Wait til they sort insurance out. Sorn or not it needs insured. And a non full licence holder won't be able to be the main named person. Neither will your dgm.

I'm a bit [hmm} at the fact you reckon that because your cousin has failed his driving test 3 times, he's unlikely to pass anytime soon. I would have thought he's more likely to pass next time.

You sound jealous. Your boyfriend has a car on finance and you wanted a freebie.

You also said no dealer has a car in your price range, look for people selling their own! It's a lot cheaper that way so you'll be more likely to find something

The great thing, OP is that you are not reliant on other people. Your cousin may be getting a free ride, but they will never have control of their lives in the same way as you do, until they do start earning. Living at home, on UC and handouts, with no job and a baby in the way is not exactly ideal, is it? No space to be a couple or start out as a family, pick your own decor and choose your own meals (or an evening out). One way or another, there are always consequences to your choices.

Even if you have to buy a worse car, you can be proud that you did it by yourself and you weren't given an handout. Trust me: as someone who comes from a family where all kinds of resources were divided incredibly unequally, this is the healthiest way to think about it. Comparisons can eat you up - it can easily go beyond jealousy into issues of self-worth - set your own standards, be an independent woman who pays her own way, and you will end up with a whole host of lifeskills and emotional independence that those living on handouts will never have.