FIL visiting unannounced

[LLOE7]

Hello,
It was my grandads funeral yesterday and a very long day- had to travel two hours each way with a 6m old who hates being in the car so screamed most of the time, and funerals are obviously extremely hard and emotional. I got home at 6pm. 7.30pm my dh was about to take ds 3yrs up to bed when suddenly fil stops his car outside. I was sat in just a tiny nightie and knickers so rushed into the kitchen to put some trousers on, then went back into the lounge to get the baby and change her. My frustration at him turning up without us knowing he was coming and while I was so emotional- the house was also a mess etc, really pissed me off and I didn't say a word to him for a few minutes, just sorted out the baby. I then snapped out of it and chatted, he mentioned the funeral so he had known it was that day. He stayed playing with ds until 9pm so when he left we were all tired and ds was worked up so found it hard to go to sleep. The reason he came over was to bring dh birthday card over- his birthday was last Tuesday but he had forgotten.
I would like to politely ask him not to come round unannounced but dh thinks I'm just over reacting because of the circumstances yesterday. WIBU to ask for some notice?

It’s not a regular thing, the OP has said she’s over thinking it, it’s not a big deal.
Some people must live their lives looking for stuff to get annoyed at going off some of the responses on this thread.

To those saying the OP is being unreasonable because family should always be welcome, family should also remember birthdays (especially when it is your own son’s birthday) and be mindful of the fact that a funeral has just taken place. The FiL is being unreasonable too.

Family's doing things differently is really nothing to get worked up about

You have to treat both sides of the family the same. If your parents are allowed to visit unexpectedly, then so should the in laws. And as for the "always come down hard" comment, what happens if DH "comes down hard" on OP's df?

MsRabbitRocks Two totally different issues here.

If any of my family want to come over I check with dh that he's not busy, happy to have guests,and vice versa. It's just polite?

I don’t consider my dad a guest, maybe that’s the difference.

if your father is not a guest, and not a member of your household then what is he?

He’s a member of my family. He comes round, makes his own coffee, chats to me when I’m in my jammies and he knows he can chill out and change the channel on the tv.

Some over reactions here. Why on earth wouldn’t your Fil pop in? As a pp said if my husband had behaved like this with my parents, he’d be getting cold shoulder and sharp tongue.