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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed by my patronising mil?

39 replies

FloweryDreams · 16/04/2019 09:38

My 16 month old can't talk yet, he mainly babbles or can say something that sounds like dada but doesn't associate it with dh. Getting a bit worried. My Mil has asked us why arnt we really worried about it and then asked if we actually talk to our him or do we just sit in silence with him all day. Of course we talk to him. AIBU to be annoyed and think it's really patronising and a bit insulting. She iften talks to us like we are children. Also how worried should I be that he isn't talking yet?

OP posts:

CarolDanvers · 16/04/2019 09:43

Tell her you'll stop talking to her at all! If she carries on with her patronising blaming shit.

Maybe have a word with your HV and get the speech concerns flagged up. We got sent for a hearing test as DS wasn't meeting his milestones. Try not to worry. Loads of kids don't meet early milestones and then carry on to be total chatterboxes. But it is a good idea to get the ball rolling with HV etc, just in case.

NoSauce · 16/04/2019 09:44

Has she never seen you talk to him? It’s a strange thing to come out with isn’t it.

Talk to your HV if you’re worried OP.

Nicknacky · 16/04/2019 09:46

Carol At 16 months?! There is nothing worrying about a baby that age not saying words yet.

Bilingualspingual · 16/04/2019 09:46

Your child is normal. 16m you have nothing to worry about at all. AT ALL. So please don’t.

Modestandatinybitsexy · 16/04/2019 09:46

My 22mo old doesn't have any real words and he's only recently made strides in animal noises. He knows a lot of words if he's asked to point at things and does things he's asked.

If it's only language and you don't have any other communication/development concerns then you don't need to worry yet. Most children develop at different rates, your DS's coordination might be better than another 16mo talker's for example. You could always get his hearing tested at the GP and ask about it if you're worried.

Your MIL is rude, you should treat her comments with the disdain they deserve.

YouBoggleMyMind · 16/04/2019 09:51

My 16m old also doesn't say anything besides Mumma, Dadda and babbling. I wouldn't worry. Ignore your MIL. People think they know best when actually it's your child and you know them better!

OKBobble · 16/04/2019 09:53

Next time point out she is soooo old she has simply forgotten when baby's have their milestones.

CarolDanvers · 16/04/2019 09:55

I'm not going to go into detail as to why it wasn't normal for my child or my subsequent child as it's unnecessary at this point. But what I do know is I was glad I had mentioned to my HV both for reassurance, which the OP sounds like she needs, and also for what was required in terms of intervention later.

Nicknacky · 16/04/2019 09:58

carol That’s your prerogative but I think if you are going to come onto a thread and cause unnecessary worry to a mother then maybe some more detail wouldn’t go amiss?

Bluearsedfly36 · 16/04/2019 10:15

My youngest daughter is 3 next month and still babbling, she has been on the speech and language list for nearly a year. If you're worried see your health visitor, they'll maybe refer you to speech and language. Tell your mil to get lost.

Thehop · 16/04/2019 10:22

I’m in early years and wouldn’t be concerned at this.

Your MiL is an idiot

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 16/04/2019 10:27

Plenty won’t have words at this stage. And as a pp said, your dc might only be babbling, but able to run around; another might be better at speaking, but not walking yet. So long as you’re not concerned about their hearing (and if you are then your hv can arrange a simple hearing test) then let mil’s words be water off a duck’s back. Easier said than done I know!

Chickychoccyegg · 16/04/2019 10:56

Absolutely nothing to worry about, perfectly normal for dc of this age to babble, of course some will have words by this age but certainly doesnt mean there's anything wrong if thry dont.(some may or may not walk yet at this age, but all perfectly normal.)

CarolDanvers · 16/04/2019 15:16

carol That’s your prerogative but I think if you are going to come onto a thread and cause unnecessary worry to a mother then maybe some more detail wouldn’t go amiss?

I didn't do anything of the sort. Stop policing how people post @Nicknacky.

Mixedupmummy · 16/04/2019 15:28

I'd raise it with your hv just to get some advice and your concerns noted. however I wouldn't be overly worried. I think they only start to get concerned if they're not saying anything by nearer 2. I know a little boy who didnt say much till after he was 3. he then caught up quickly with his peers and is now a very bright and intelligent young school boy.

PregnantSea · 16/04/2019 15:43

My MIL talks to DH and I as if we were children. It annoys the living hell out of me because I'm not used to it at all (because, you know, we're not children anymore...)

I don't know how to deal with it OP, but if you find something that works please do share!!

rainbowstardrops · 16/04/2019 15:46

I'd be really sarcastic and say, 'No, we just shove him against the wall all day, so I've got no idea why he's not talking'. Then roll your eyes and walk away.
If you are actually concerned then speak to your HV or GP but I'd imagine your DC is absolutely fine.

Pharlapwasthebest · 16/04/2019 16:02

My ds didn’t say a word until he was 2, I’ve since had 7 years of non stop chatter, it’s a wonder he has time to draw breath.

YouJustDoYou · 16/04/2019 16:07

My now 6 year old didn't start talking really until he was 2 or so, and even then it was only a few words. He ended up having to see a speech therapist but is totally fine now. And of course we spoke to him! Non fucking stop. Your mil needs to back off.

LittleOwl153 · 16/04/2019 16:13

Another non talker until over 2 here - and now a chatter box. on its own I dont see it as an issue - if you think he is hitting other milestones. But if you are worried as others suggest your Health Visitor is the person to contact.

As for the mother in law I would point out to her that you are not a child and would appreciate not being spoken to as one and that if you are worried about ds you will approach the professionals. (i'm not the one who has had a couple of years with my DM going on about my DS's weight - hes a skinny little bean pole - only to quite smugly share his reception year height/weight check with her in a I told you he was fine way.. oh no not I !!!)

MillicentMartha · 16/04/2019 16:31

16 months is very young. My DS1 was a late talker, but still on the later edge of normal. He didn’t have any words/sounds at all until 24 month and didn’t put 2 words together until over 3. He’s absolutely fine at 21! Just about to finish his maths degree.

You could always mention it to your HV if you are worried, but your HV won’t be. ‘Baby Talk’ is quite a good book or ‘It takes Two’ is even better if you want to get some advice in the meantime.

Nicknacky · 16/04/2019 16:33

carol Not policing at all, but it’s fairly obvious that at 16 months there is no issue.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 16/04/2019 16:41

But it can be indicative of wider problems
Or it can be nothing
It’s only with hindsight I can see it was part of a bigger picture with DS3 and i was your archetypal chilled parent at the time
Just saying it’s all ok and not to worry is fine
But we do all need to be aware to keep an eye on things
No need to dismiss Carol’s point as it’s a fair one

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 16/04/2019 16:43

And yes it was an issue flagged at 16 months

Nicknacky · 16/04/2019 16:44

The op has no other concerns apart from her mother in law. Carol did have other issues, that’s my point.

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