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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the fear of unwanted pregnancy never ends.

42 replies

NoMoreBump · 16/04/2019 09:00

I've had my children. Am done.

But I'm still of breeding age Grin early 30s.

Im tired of the constant worry of pregnancy. My DH had the snip 2 years ago and my cycle is very regular however I am a week late and had non of the period symptoms I usually get upto 7 days before AF shows.

Now I know it is extremely unlikely I am pregnant. Much more likely to be a rouge cycle.

But it juts feels like that worry is always there and it's so unfair.

Even my neighbour who thought she was. Menopausal at 43 ended up pregnant.

Why didn't nature give us an ovary off switch.?!

OP posts:
zoellafort1tude · 16/04/2019 09:08

It's very unlikely indeed you would get pregnant, OP. If you wanted to double-up on protection you could get sterilised (although it's a much bigger op for you, of course).

I am well into menopause now - the relief! I never wanted to be pregnant and used to worry a lot about it. The stories in the papers that really gave me the heebie-jeebies were the ones where the woman didn't know she was pregnant until she saw the head coming out OMG!

zoellafort1tude · 16/04/2019 09:08

I think if that happened to me I'd have had some kind of breakdown and needed counselling Grin

AnguaUberwaldIronfoundersson · 16/04/2019 09:09

I get it. My period is late and I lay in bed last night worrying that I need to take a test. Despite the fact we’ve done the deed just once since I had my coil fitted 6 weeks ago 🤣

My brain was all “if I’m pregnant I can’t go through with it because I only had a c-section 12 weeks ago and we can’t cope with another and we can’t afford another and I already sold all the newborn stuff and my uterus will probably rupture and and and...”

And then I remembered I have PCOS so it’s unlikely I’ll fall pregnant so easily plus my periods are always all over the place and I certainly don’t have the chocolate aversion and painful boobs I had this time last year.

The worry never goes away!

PurpleDaisies · 16/04/2019 09:13

Taking a test would put your mind at rest today.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 16/04/2019 09:14

It does end. Get sterilised if you don't want any more children.

Original poster
NoMoreBump · 16/04/2019 09:19

I've asked about sterilisation and the GP said as my DH is snipped it's highly unlikely they will do it on NHS. No money to go private and I also don't reaction to GA very well at all so I wouldnt want to go under unless it was a life or death situation.

OP posts:
AnnieAnt · 16/04/2019 09:25

Yes, I completely agree. I had an unplanned 4th DC in my early 40s and, lovely as he is,
could not manage another. I have asked re sterilisation and got told that a coil would be just as effective (I presume cheaper....Hmm). I have very heavy periods as is, so don't want to try a copper coil, and am rather concerned about potential impact of Mirena on moods. And have read too many horror stories on here about pregnancies with it.

As is often said, abstinence is the only sure-fire contraceptive. Not great from a marriage perspective though.

No sign of menopause as yet either.....

Happyspud · 16/04/2019 09:28

Ha! Funny you say that but I feel pregnant and nauseous and my DH has had the snip. I also still have my coil in AND have my period but I get waves of fear feeling this nausea. I got pregnant very very easily previously, 1st month trying 4 times.

SinjunRivers · 16/04/2019 09:33

OP did your OH get an all clear sample after the snip?
Maybe another one would put your mind at rest, I imagine that would also be a lot cheaper than paying to go private for you to be sterilised

Whatdoyouknowwhenyouknownowt · 16/04/2019 09:35

The specialist family planning doctor told me statistically IUD is safer than sterilisation.

AnduinsGirl · 16/04/2019 09:37

I absolutely get it, OP. I'm 34, no children (by choice) and was practically laughed out the doctor's office a few years go when I asked about sterilisation. Now every time my period is late, despite being as careful as possible, I worry like crazy and imagine the nightmare I'd have to go through if I were pregnant. :(

Bouncingbelle · 16/04/2019 09:43

This is so strange, but i've been frantically googling 'sterilisation fails' as my period is late and im paranoid despite only having dtd once in the last month, taking 8 years to concieve DS, being in my mid 40s & probably peri-menopausal AND being sterilised! Pregnancy would be a disaster but its certainly sorted my wistful longing for a 2nd child out!!!

Mari50 · 16/04/2019 10:23

I’m 46 and haven’t used protection since I had dd. Desperately wanted a second. The fear of not being pregnant took a while to wear off. Since I turned 43 I’ve laughed when medical professionals have advised me that I need to use contraception to prevent an unwanted pregnancy. I’m totally infertile. So no, for me the fear of an unwanted pregnancy ended a decade ago...

itsbetterthanabox · 16/04/2019 10:45

You could go on the pill or use condoms.

RedPanda2 · 16/04/2019 10:51

I use condoms but if my period is late i do panic. I never want children so I'd need an abortion. It's just another hassle! I gad the coil but it made my periods so painful I couldn't function.

OopsOhNoZHM · 16/04/2019 11:01

My 3rd was never meant to happen. I wasn’t in a relationship as such, it was like a relationship without the status and commitment, but he regularly told me he loved me, cared about me, wanted a baby with me (I always said no), I meant the world to him, all that kind of bullshit. But by the time I realised it was all bull, I was pregnant and he’d ran in the opposite direction 🙃 so I’m terrified of getting pregnant to someone just to have them piss off and pretend their child doesn’t exist again. Saying that, while the situation is far from ideal, I don’t regret having her at all, her father was a mistake but she isn’t 😍
Active peen scares me 😂 if I could find a nice man who had had the snip I’d settle down nicely! 😂 currently though I just avoid men, they’re bad for my health, no chance of unplanned pregnancy here!

FriarTuck · 16/04/2019 11:04

You have no idea quite how liberating it felt when I realised that coming out (to myself) as gay meant that I'd never again have to worry about unplanned pregnancy Grin

MrsGythaOgg · 16/04/2019 19:22

You'll worry yourself silly, feel "pregnancy symptoms" and the suddenly AF will show up Grin I feel this happens to me more often than I would like to admit!

Jinxed2 · 16/04/2019 19:27

If your hubby has had a clear sample I think the chances of it spontaneously reversing are very slim. I’m not going to worry from now on, my OH just had all clear!

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 16/04/2019 19:29

I haven't had sex in 6 years and I still wondered last month when my period was a week late.

checkingforballoons · 16/04/2019 19:31

Yep! I have the most wonderful little boy but I absolutely don’t want another and I occasionally get the fear!
Luckily DH is getting the snip soon, so hopefully I can relax a bit after that.

Soubriquet · 16/04/2019 19:33

Go and buy the most expensive pregnancy test....you can guarantee your period will start then

Bobbiepin · 16/04/2019 19:34

Barely had sex in the last 3 months but still took a test today, after weeks of worrying. (It was negative, obv).

BurrSir · 16/04/2019 19:35

I feel the same. My periods have never been regular. We want more children in the future but not for a long time yet. Every single time I’m sick I become obsessed with the idea that I’m pregnant. If my boobs are sore! The list goes on.
I’m sorry for those trying to fall pregnant who it hasn’t happened for.

BurrSir · 16/04/2019 19:38

I should have mentioned I have the coil so the chances are very slim.