About DH's lie?

[EssentialHummus]

I'll be as brief as possible.

DH took toddler DD abroad for 5 days to his parents'. We spoke/Skyped daily. On Saturday when I called DD was topless (weird for her). She seemed normal, but I noticed that she had a red mark on her arm. I asked DH about it (she has eczema and I thought it was that flaring up), he immediately replied that it was just dodgy video quality at play.

They got back yesterday, when he told me that actually several hours before that call she'd tipped a full hot mug of tea over herself, and the blisters etc on both arms are a result of that.

Now:

• I feel I should have been told at the time (once he'd put her under cold water/done the immediate thing), if only so that we could both be thinking about any medical treatment needed etc. I find it unnerving that he can just lie like that.
• I think it's negligent to leave boiling tea in reach of an 18 month old (I use a flask for my coffee if I want it hot, and have done since she was born). I didn't use the word "negligent" to his face but I think this is his fault and that it was entirely foreseeable and preventable. He thinks that I think I'm perfect and that I'm kidding myself. Blazing row followed.

AIBU?

Accidents happen. However, I can’t see any evidence that either of you have actually taken her for a medical assessment? Apologies if you have already said you have. Blisters should be seen and treated by professionals.

Stop fighting about it and learn from his mistake. EVERY parent makes mistakes and will have an injured child at some point.

@IntentsandPorpoises, are you for real? You were the very definition of negligent! Your husband would’ve been dead right to blame you for that. Unbelievable.

matilda I took her to the walk-in centre yesterday.

He didn’t get any medical help for her himself? Was he just thinking the burn would go away if he pretended it didn’t happen?

He put her under cold water and then when his parents returned he put on some sort of burn cream (I don’t know the details of it) 53. He felt that was enough based on what he Googled. They were fairly rural in Eastern Europe which I think impacted his decision.

I'd have done the same as your DH. What could you have done from so far away except worry. And I agree with pp. If that's how you normally react, I'm not surprised he lied at the time.

Lying isn't a recipe for a happy marriage. Lying erodes trust. Lying and then blaming it on the imagined reaction of the person you're lying to is a pretty underhanded thing to do as well: it's near as saying "I'll only tell the truth so long as you promise to be nice and sweet about it and not get annoyed/angry/negative, and if you can't guarantee that then it's your own fault if I lie to you."

“I’ll tell you what happened when we’re face to face and can talk about it reasonably, and in private rather than on the phone while I’m thousands of miles away” sounds fair enough though.

I'm still wondering if this thread is the first use of the word egregious on MN. And if the OP is really called Ross and was in the Royston Vasey Job Centre when Pauline worked there.

Only those who watched The League of Gentlemen will understand that.

I'm still wondering if this thread is the first use of the word egregious on MN.

Possibly the first, second and third uses Shatners

Non-update: DH came home with some Krispy Kreme donuts as a peace offering, and I think we're not mentioning it again.

Ahh, donuts sort it!
Years ago I left a tea for my DH, he didn’t pick it up as I expected but my just-creeping tiny DS did and it burned his head, Gorbachev style. I grabbed him and put him in the sink under the cold tap. Which made him scream louder. When I lifted him out the largest knife we own was sat in the bottom of the sink. No cut but I couldn’t have managed it any worse.
At A&E he was given loads of calpol for the pain and discharged but the staff were very suspicious. They realised by the end of our stay that we were genuinely horrified with ourselves. Apparently some babies and children are burnt on purpose as a punishment. I didn’t tell them about the knife...
We had a follow-up call from the HV. The boy is fine, no burn. I don’t think I’ve ever quite recovered. Much more careful especially with hot liquids.
Glad all is ok with you and yours.