To think there is no real reason for DSS's mum to contact best friend?

[Justwantaneasylifenowplease]

Plans for an Easter lunch arranged by my best friend, DH, DSS, BF, Her DH and their 2 DC all invited. Sounds lovely, really looking forward to it. BF got a text out of the blue last night ‘I know that you have plans to see ‘the justwantaneasylifenowpleases’ and that my DC is invited. Can we meet before to have a chat, I would be grateful.’……. BF feels really awkward and doesn’t want to have a chat with DSS’s mum. (I avoid DSS’s mum at all costs after years of vitriolic abuse) Her DH is annoyed in his words ‘what the fuck does she want, all I want is a relaxing day’ She has previously called BF’s DH all the names under the sun when DH and I were concerned for DS’s welfare (DH was out of the country) and BF’s DH went round to check they were ok. AIBU to think there is no reason for her to contact BF and for DH to have a word with her, asking her not to reach out to our friends as it is upsetting them? If it was a concern she had with DSS coming to lunch surely she should talk to DH, all feels a bit underhand to me.

Unless you're meeting for lunch in a strip club then she is being massively U. How did she even get your pals number?!

You sent your BFs husband to her house to check on her child? That’s probably why she’s being like this, don’t you think?

Surely it’s down to the dad to respond

"I don't want to be drawn into your family business, so no thank you." Unfortunately, sending her DH round in the past might undermine this position somewhat.

It’s a bit odd but you essentially sent your mates round to snoop on her which was really shitty.

Just to be clear DH sent his friend (BF's DH) round after he got a text saying I've had too much to drink, I'm with DS in the car can you come and get me. I think ignoring that cry for help would have been 'shitty'

No but DH as the father should be dealing with it now. It’s his issue

@Alicewond yes agree. I didn't send friend DH did as his flight was taxing down the runway.

How do your DH and your BF want to handle it? If I were your BF I would probably want to text back something along the lines of "It's best if I deal with any concerns directly with Mr Justwantaneasylifenowplease."

Given your update, no there’s no reason for either of your friends to be drawn into this anymore. BF just responds no, do not contact me again. Your dh can either have a word or, as that’s probably the response she’s hoping for, ignore the drama.

She was drunk in a car with the child?

Was she, or was she hoping to get your dh to come round?

I would block her if I was the friend. Your dh needs to contact her and tell her if she has concerns she goes to him. Not his or your friends.

If my best friends husband ex contacted me, I would decline and tell her she needs to speak to her ex if there are problems.

She's just trying to cause drama so I wouldn't engage. DSS is invited not by himself but with his dad and yourself, presumably because its within your contact time. Be prepared that there may be issues of handover this weekend, DSS may not come or this may be the start of her branching out to others in your life to say her piece.

Apologise to your friend and tell her that unless she wants to, there's no reason at all for her to meet with the woman.

If I were the friend I'd block her!

No is a complete sentence.

Yanbu. Your friend should ignore her. How did she get her number?
If your DH gets a text like that again then I'd suggest he calls the police.

She is being ridiculous. Do you know why she wants to talk to her?

I think your friend should not reply and if your husband's ex texts again, block her.

If the ex wants to follow up, she can contact your husband.

@Putthatlampshadeonyourhead yes she was drunk in the car with DSS.

I have blocked her on every platform bar 1. I forgot about it logged on to that email today and there was a message from her asking me to speak to her too. Asked DH about it and she feels like she has been bad mouthed to My BF.
She has her number from a play dates years ago, while things were just civil. DH wants me to talk to her as he fears that if I don't it will be a red rag to a bull .....

Your BF tells her no. Your DH sorts out the position where his son os being used as a pawn to manipulate him. The mother is clearly shit being in a car drunk with her son.

And yes of she tries the drunk in car thing again (or any similar shit) inform the police you have concerns for a child’s safety

Your dh needs to call the police if she is putting the son in danger. Not send his friend. I get why he would, but long term, its not going to help.

He’s completely daft to think you should talk to her. Ridiculous. Just say no. You’re not accountable to her, even without the vitriolic abuse, and he’s out of order thinking you should pander to her. Why would he rather piss his ex off than his wife? Ask him that....

He would have sent the police, not got your friends involved. Furthermore he should have got social services involved afterwards, she risked the childs life and you have the proof in the form of text.

It was unfair to get your friends involved in the first place, this is probably why she sees it as ok to message now.

Block her, get them to block her and let your DH deal with her.

Did DH have this BF when he was with ex? So now you are the BF but was ex previously friends with you BF and her DH?

If so it’s slightly less mad that she would speak to her one time friend. However I would be tempted to go with the ‘not getting involved’ route.