To think there is no real reason for DSS's mum to contact best friend?

[Justwantaneasylifenowplease]

Plans for an Easter lunch arranged by my best friend, DH, DSS, BF, Her DH and their 2 DC all invited.  Sounds lovely, really looking forward to it. BF got a text out of the blue last night ‘I know that you have plans to see ‘the justwantaneasylifenowpleases’ and that my DC is invited.  Can we meet before to have a chat, I would be grateful.’……. BF feels really awkward and doesn’t want to have a chat with DSS’s mum.  (I avoid DSS’s mum at all costs after years of vitriolic abuse) Her DH is annoyed in his words ‘what the fuck does she want, all I want is a relaxing day’  She has previously called BF’s DH all the names under the sun when DH and I were concerned for DS’s welfare (DH was out of the country) and BF’s DH went round to check they were ok.  AIBU to think there is no reason for her to contact BF and for DH to have a word with her, asking her not to reach out to our friends as it is upsetting them?  If it was a concern she had with DSS coming to lunch surely she should talk to DH, all feels a bit underhand to me.

[BlingLoving]

I'm extremely confused. Your BF has been asked by your DH's ex, to get in touch to discuss an easter lunch? The ex ALSO wants to talk to YOU about this easter lunch?

The BF should just ignore the message completely.

It doesn't sound like you and DH's ex have a decent relationship. if you did, I'd say that yes, you should talk to her (what on earth could she want - instructions on easter eggs/ info on the easter bunny?) However, as you don't and, I assume, most contact is done via your DH, I'd say that really DH should contact her and ask what her concern is about Easter and then laugh it off because clearly it will be ridiculous

[IncrediblySadToo]

I can see both sides of this in a way. You can discuss whatever you want with your BF, but how is it getting back to her that you’re ‘badmouthing’ her? It’s not nice being talked about and I would want to have a word about it too...

[TixieLix]

I personally wouldn't want to engage with your DH's ex, but if you do agree to, then insist that you'll only converse with her via email because of how you've been spoken to on previous occasions. Alternatively speak to her in DH's presence.

[Justwantaneasylifenowplease]

Yes, we are both going to ignore her. DH thinks it was cause huge fights, but I don't feel we should have to answer to her.

[CircleofWillis]

Why can't your DH simply call / txt / email her to find out what she wants to talk about?

[Justwantaneasylifenowplease]

She wants to talk to me, to find out how we can be at ease with each other to better support DSS .... apparently this can't be done via DH

[ScreamScreamIceCream]

OP please stay away from her. She doesn't need to talk to you.

If you are silly enough to talk to her it must be in a fully public place and you must not go alone.

[Justwantaneasylifenowplease]

I'm not going to talk to her, I'm not going respond either. Just ignore, ignore, ignore. DH thinks it will be a red rag to a bull and she'll start playing games with DSS so he won't come over etc. but I just can't open myself up to that. He really wants me to talk to her, to show I can be civil. But I was completely anxious about the prospect adrenaline pumping, sweating etc.