Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To be pissed off that dp’s friend stayed round till 00:30 this eve chatting

66 replies

Basilneedswaterandsun · 16/04/2019 02:14

It’s a bloody Monday night and don’t most people have to get up to go to work in the morning? I have to get up at 7am. Dp works from home so can get up whenever.
We’ve had a row about it because he woke me up when he came to bed finally.

OP posts:

Stuckforthefourthtime · 16/04/2019 08:06

Yabu. Especially if you have sleep issues and choose to pick up the phone at 2 in the morning to complain to strangers by screen light...

Can you agree next time for him to sleep on the sofa or spare room if he's staying up late?

TooTrueToBeGood · 16/04/2019 08:09

The mate is a red herring. Your partner could just as likely have sat up late on his own watching tv or reading and he'd still have woken you when he came to bed. Lack of sleep is soul destroying but you can't expect your partner to conform to your bedtime just because you've got sleep issues. Sorry, yabu.

Whodafeck · 16/04/2019 08:12

Go to the doc and see if you can get help with your sleep issues.

My life has been changed since I took better pain relief. Not saying that’s for you, but it may be that you’re anxious and that’s setting it off, for eg.

doingasurvey · 16/04/2019 08:18

I get that you are annoyed that you were still up at 3am after he woke you, but you were probably still awake because you were seething with anger. Hardly conducive to helping you go back to sleep is it? If you’d just brushed it off rather than enter into an argument that riled you up, you’d have not still been up at 3

WellErrr · 16/04/2019 08:22

Yabvu

LittleChristmasMouse · 16/04/2019 08:23

It wasn't the friend being round that caused the problem was it? It was him waking you up when he got into bed.

So do you expect him to always go to bed at the same time as you, even though he isn't tired plus to never need to get up to go to the toilet in the night? Obviously that would also wake you.

On that basis I do think you abu.

Oblomov19 · 16/04/2019 08:29

YABVU

MarthasGinYard · 16/04/2019 08:30

The Op has twice stated she gets she was BU

justarandomtricycle · 16/04/2019 08:38

Ha, are you my DP? Who has sleep issues and is more tired than me, but is consistently in bed asleep an hour or more earlier than me every day, gets up a bit later and gets really annoyed if woken up by me a) coming to bed or b) being awake for hours in the night.

SpinneyHill · 16/04/2019 11:16

@OwlBeThere She was online, that's not him keeping her up.

SpinneyHill · 16/04/2019 11:20

OP we all get a bit grouchy when we're tired, get some earplugs I could't have done without them at one point

Original poster

Basilneedswaterandsun · 16/04/2019 11:29

Morning everyone, thanks for the comments - all noted
Feel more normal and reasonable today!
My frustration came on the back of a 3 hr daily commute to work I’m having issues with at the moment. Throw in a bit of insomnia and it made me rather spiky.
I realise my problems are not DPs fault and I shouldn’t take it out on him

OP posts:

SwedishEdith · 16/04/2019 11:43

It's a bit inconsiderate to consistently go to bed late and wake your partner. Sleep is more important.

He's not gone to bed particularly late though - and getting up at 7 is pretty standard for most people who have to work outside the home.

Anyway, the OP knows they ABU.

OwlBeThere · 16/04/2019 15:54

@Spinneyhill she was online because he’d woken her and then she was unable to go back to sleep. If you’ve never had sleep issues you can’t know what it’s like when you’re woken knowing that’ll probably be you awake for hours and you’ll spend the next day exhausted and irritable.
Sleep deprivation is no joke, it’s literally used as a method of torture.
it shortens your life, causes illnesses, ruins your mental health and in extreme cases is cause of suicide. It’s not just being ‘a bit tired’ as a one off.
So when put in that context it would be quite nice if your spouse who is meant to love you could be a bit more considerate, eh?

Meangirls36 · 16/04/2019 16:52

No it's not alright. Tell him to sleep on the sofa if he wants to stay up late and friends should be leaving by 10/11 in a couple's home. It's not like you live in a mansion with hundreds of rooms (I'm assuming). I wouldn't go to my mates house and keep their partner up but I'm sure the "men" had something vital to talk about. If I want to talk to my friends late at night I will FB chat. It's always the men whos partner wouldn't put up with that shit in their home that go over to their mates and put strain on their mates relationship with their partner. Like no just go away and use a phone or FB chat. This isn't a public space and you aren't gonna wash the dishes. I'm soo done with being the host I would put up with it more if I wasn't expected to clean up after the messy sods.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 16/04/2019 17:17

Invest in a sofa bed. If he's going to be more than the time it takes you to fall asleep then he sleeps downstairs. I started doing that with DH after he accidentally woke me a couple of nights in a row (late shift at work for him) and I was useless for the rest of the week.

Flip

1 2 3