To have had enough of Nephew.

[AuntieMug]

I'm not a parent or anything, just to put that out as a disclaimer. NC for this too.

I don't know what to do about my nephew and how to get him to respect me. He is the most insolent child I have ever met. I'm at my wits end with him. His mum works a lot so he's usually here every weekend at mine or the whole half term if it's the half term like now.

I'm only 21 and he's 11. There's not much of a massive aunt-like age gap but we're clearly not the same generation. What's worse is that I've got dwarfism so he nearly towers over me. It's not an excuse but I suspect that's one reason. My other nieces and nephews respect me and treat me as their aunt that I am unlike him.

My mum and my aunt who is his grandmother both feel rather sorry for him in that he's an only child and longs for a sibling.However, he's constantly disrespectful to me and an angel to my brother who is not even 18, fgs.

My younger brother is that older brother/uncle figure so DN literally treats him as if he's gospel. If DB says jump off a cliff, DN would jump off the cliff. Not even joking. He also looks up to my brother's friends.

The things he does:
He talks back to me.
He openly swears and swears on people/bible when clearly lying
He calls me names/mocks my disability under his breath which isn't very quiet.
He simply does not do as I say.
He screams and shouts, it's loud enough I can hear through my headphones at its loudest, when he's playing his playstation.
He takes my phone charger whilst I'm asleep without asking
He uses his playstation on my TV in my room whilst I'm asleep, again, without asking

One time, I told all the kids in the house that they could 1 pack of crisps. He goes and takes 2. I repeat to him 3x that he needs to return one. He didn't and I had to chase him down which hurt my chest due to my chest condition related to my dwarfism. He knew that and he still laughed whilst I was wheezing and had to take my inhaler.

Another time I was pulling him up on his lying and his attitude.
Nephew: But I didn't...
Me: Yes you did. Just admit it.
Nephew: But did you see me do it? [With a lot of attitude. My mum did see him do what he did.]
Me: Fix the way you're talking to me. Am I a kid from your class for you to be talking like that? Who am I to you?
N: A human being - imagine that with a smirk. (I was expecting something like Auntie Mug )

Another time I was ordering food. Food was all ordered but I forgot to change my brother's order because he's allergic to mayonnaise. I changed and I hear screaming in my ear. Screaming to change my nephew's same order to the same condiment as my brother. My brother has this special sauce that doesn't affect him as much. He doesn't need the same but he just wanted it because my brother did. I never changed it for him and he ate it just fine.

I don't know how to tell his mum. Even my mum and his grandmother get similar treatment. She wouldn't do very much because like my aunt and mum she feels sorry that he's alone. She gave him his PS4 back after 2 days after he used her bank account w/o permission. His dad is not on scene but when he was, he'd pull him up on his behaviour.

I just can't bear it. My other cousin, who is his mum's sister, took him for a few days because I refused to let him stay in my house.

I try to be more assertive and pull him up on everything but it's not working. He treats like I've got MUG written on my forehead.

Your Mum needs to tell his mum he cant come over anymore so she can sort out alternative childcare for him.
If she wont then you have to ignore him, go out and get a lock for your bedroom door and stay in your room.

You should refuse to have him over until he starts showing you some respect.

Not acceptable. Not under your roof.

Well this cheeky chappy sounds like some little brother from hell.

I reckon he probably quite like you., though.

I dint think he has any idea how much he's overstepping the mark. Lay down the rules as soon as he steps through the door next time he visits.

just wow OP! he sounds like a nasty little brat! and the excuse of he's an only child is a cop out! sounds to me like he's been spoiled rotten his whole life and is now unfortunately rotten to the core. Get a lock on your bedroom door with a key and lock your room when you go out and when he's there and if you're family say oh what if you have a fall or an asthma attack then get one of those life alert things that you wear round your neck that you can press when in need problem solved for your family then.

Secondly tell your mum that just because his mother looked after you it doesn't mean you are responsible for her kid specially when it affects your health! be firm and say you will take no part in looking after him as of now. Step back, don't engage with him when he starts his behaviour up just look at him and go to your room and lock it or go out. Being mouthy and giving you abuse over your dwarfism he sounds like a bully and it wouldn't surprise me in the least if his mother can't get childcare due to his behaviour. Your family are all enabling his behaviour by making excuses for him so what everyone has been through some hard times but it's no excuse to behave like that! if it gets worse and no one will help or support you fuck it call Social Services anonymously and report it and say you feel unsafe you never know they might move you out to your own place and it might scare the family into doing something either that or one day your DN will start on the wrong person and will get back what he dishes out to others some kids only learn the hard way.

If it helps, I feel exactly the same about my nephew but he’s 6! Currently have him staying at the moment as his parents make no effort to take school holidays off and he ends up becoming my older parents responsibility. They have him every school holiday. Last summer he didn’t see his mum for 6 weeks! My mum is currently recovering from an op so I felt 2 full weeks with him would be too much. In the space of 24 hours I’ve had to chastise him for saying “ the dog had p*ssed on the carpet.” (His words.) And tonight I’ve caught him teaching my 5 year old to swear. (Told him to spell f. U. C. And then had him say the word, only to then coming running to me to tell me my son had said the f-word. He is so naughty and impudent. Won’t go to bed at a reasonable time and demands to watch tv to go to sleep. He has no table manners and doesn’t sit down to eat meals. I find it so hard as I know he’s my nephew and I should love him but he’s feral!

You know what I would do

I'd take away the PlayStation

Your family are all enabling his behaviour by making excuses for him

Yes, they are. You didn’t ask this boy’s Mum to look after you when you were little; that will have been your Mum’s decision, so that’s no reason at all to put this child before your health and wellbeing. As for “he’s an only child”; this isn’t an excuse for disrespect and atrocious behaviour! Good grief.

Your Mum trying to guilt trip you is completely out of order. You are entitled to have privacy and a lock on your room; your Mum can have a spare key if you can trust her not to let this boy into your room. I would have the spare key back every time you go out though.

Bottom line is that nobody is giving you any respect and privacy and everyone is enabling this child to disrespect you, take your things and barge in on you. That is completely unacceptable. I have no idea why your Mum is enabling this but she should not be trying to guilt trip you into thinking any of this is acceptable. It absolutely isn’t.

It's not your house so you don't get to say in him.
coming over. I expect you can't afford to move out. But you can refuse to be responsible for him

And you mention not being allowed a lock on your bedroom door incase you fall or have a fit. But you're a grown adult who shouldn't have uninvited guests barge into your room whilst you are sleeping!

You can insist on having privacy. You can arrange a locksmith to fit a key lock that your Mum& you only have a key for that you lock (don't leave key in) when in or out of your room.

And stop looking after him! Just say no as he's rude, sexist and disablist and speaks abusively to you. You've tried to deal with it but aren't getting back up. So I'd leave him to it and refuse to babysit. Go out and study at library when he's over. Or put headphones on and study in your room. Lock that door. Put a password in your Xbox or ps4 or disconnect so no one but you can use it. And if they plan to leave you with him, refuse, grab your coat and go out. Anywhere.

Ah, he uses your TV. Just remove the lead and hide it in a locked box. But really, get that lock for the door.

It's really creepy that he enters your room.withiut permission whilst you are asleep. What if you slept half dressed or were changing. That's such a no!

It sounds like he has gone through a lot. His mom doesn't seem to care much, and his father has abandoned him. Not that his behaviour is ok but sometimes kids that need to the most love ask for it in the most unloveable of ways. He's clearly has some trauma in his life and it sounds like he is lashing out at the people around him.
It is not your home, and you are not a care giver, you are an older cousin. The only thing you can really do is disengage and make yourself scarce when he is around.

Refuse to look after him or be responsible and get a lock for your door

Change the wifi password so he can't access the internet. Tell him he only gets it if he respects you.

Get something like this to stop the door opening when your in your room...

I've talked to my mum about it but she guilt trips the fact his mum has supported me when I was his age and that he's just an only child with parents who don't particularly care. etc etc
Tell your mum that if you had been an absolute shit to his mum when she looked after you you expect she’d have refused to look after you, like any sane adult.
Re the door lock do you think their reasons are legitimate? Do you still have falls and serious asthma attacks? If so get a door wedge. But if they are infantilising you just get a door lock, give your mum a spare key and say if dn ever gets his hands on this I’m changing the lock again.

Your mum is in a tough position but ultimately you should come first. What kid that old thinks it's ok to come out with disablist shit? If I was your mum I'd be furious

Lock on your door, spare key with Mum for emergencies if that's a genuine concern that she may need access, and sort out residential halls asap. Good luck

I mean don’t of those examples are you being difficult tbh, if you were changing your brothers order for example you could just as easily changed nephews. Part of it is just his age, that year when they are leaving primary starting secondary has been tough with all of my children suddenly realising they can push back, it doesn’t last.
It also sounds like attention seeking.

Totally get the lock for safety due to health. However you could lock door when you are not in the room so he can't enter and then have a locked box (vanity case will do) in your room to keep chargers and etc.

Eventually if he can't access it and can't get a rise because he's done it he'll stop trying.

You can get a code lock for your door and that way your mum can have her own code if she needs to get in if you have an attack.

Alternatively I agree, lock away the playstation cables and your phone charger while you're sleeping. Anything he might want to use, lock it away. I agree with changing the wifi password and stop engaging with him. He gets ignored if he can't be polite.

Record him one day then play it back to your mum and sister.

I really feel for you - he sounds dreadful and isn't your responsibility. We had a similar situation (but not nearly as bad) and I called the mum and told her I'd tolerated the rudeness for long enough and given too many chances to change the attitude. The mum worked and relied on me. I gave her one week's notice to find alternative plans or a total change in attitude from the daughter.
Your sister's alternative is to find holiday courses for her son to do during holidays. This is easy with an 11yr old. His parents may resent paying for holiday care, but there are sacrifices to make. Some holiday courses are good value. I'm sure he'd be happier on them too being with kids his own age and kept constantly busy.
I don't think you should be worrying about locking your room etc - either he tows the line or he doesn't! Good luck ... you should get up every day looking forward to what lies ahead, not dread it

I might just get a latch or a door stop until I can get a lock. I've not had many falls or asthma attacks whilst in my room for a while now but my mum is still reluctant. I've removed the leads for the tv as well just in case he gets the playstation back.

I could have changed his order but my brother didn't want him copying his entire meal for the sake of copying. That's another problem of his. Secondly, he didn't have to shout at me to change it.

Some of it is attention seeking, there's no doubt about it. Even when he plays out with my neighbours' kids, he does this. He would either lie, annoy or copy the kid when they don't like it or antagonise a kid but then run away (to the safety of my brother) when they stand up to him. Now not many kids play out with him because of this. So he's inside more.

It's even worse when my brother has enough of him and kicks him out of his room. He used to come to me until I protested to my mum, what then-18-20 yo wants him in their room? Now that he has a phone, he goes to the living room instead and goes on that but he still comes to either rooms because he gets bored.

The playstation isn't mine. It's his but he thinks, despite constantly being told not to bring it unless he gets permission from my mum, it's okay to bring it. It's a recurring cycle. My mum's hid it for the time being because she thinks it's a waste of electricity when my brother already has one. However, my brother doesn't want to share with him.