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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have had enough of Nephew.

72 replies

AuntieMug · 15/04/2019 19:23

I'm not a parent or anything, just to put that out as a disclaimer. NC for this too.

I don't know what to do about my nephew and how to get him to respect me. He is the most insolent child I have ever met. I'm at my wits end with him. His mum works a lot so he's usually here every weekend at mine or the whole half term if it's the half term like now.

I'm only 21 and he's 11. There's not much of a massive aunt-like age gap but we're clearly not the same generation. What's worse is that I've got dwarfism so he nearly towers over me. It's not an excuse but I suspect that's one reason. My other nieces and nephews respect me and treat me as their aunt that I am unlike him.

My mum and my aunt who is his grandmother both feel rather sorry for him in that he's an only child and longs for a sibling.However, he's constantly disrespectful to me and an angel to my brother who is not even 18, fgs.

My younger brother is that older brother/uncle figure so DN literally treats him as if he's gospel. If DB says jump off a cliff, DN would jump off the cliff. Not even joking. He also looks up to my brother's friends.

The things he does:
He talks back to me.
He openly swears and swears on people/bible when clearly lying
He calls me names/mocks my disability under his breath which isn't very quiet.
He simply does not do as I say.
He screams and shouts, it's loud enough I can hear through my headphones at its loudest, when he's playing his playstation.
He takes my phone charger whilst I'm asleep without asking
He uses his playstation on my TV in my room whilst I'm asleep, again, without asking

One time, I told all the kids in the house that they could 1 pack of crisps. He goes and takes 2. I repeat to him 3x that he needs to return one. He didn't and I had to chase him down which hurt my chest due to my chest condition related to my dwarfism. He knew that and he still laughed whilst I was wheezing and had to take my inhaler.

Another time I was pulling him up on his lying and his attitude.
Nephew: But I didn't...
Me: Yes you did. Just admit it.
Nephew: But did you see me do it? [With a lot of attitude. My mum did see him do what he did.]
Me: Fix the way you're talking to me. Am I a kid from your class for you to be talking like that? Who am I to you?
N: A human being - imagine that with a smirk. (I was expecting something like Auntie Mug )

Another time I was ordering food. Food was all ordered but I forgot to change my brother's order because he's allergic to mayonnaise. I changed and I hear screaming in my ear. Screaming to change my nephew's same order to the same condiment as my brother. My brother has this special sauce that doesn't affect him as much. He doesn't need the same but he just wanted it because my brother did. I never changed it for him and he ate it just fine.

I don't know how to tell his mum. Even my mum and his grandmother get similar treatment. She wouldn't do very much because like my aunt and mum she feels sorry that he's alone. She gave him his PS4 back after 2 days after he used her bank account w/o permission. His dad is not on scene but when he was, he'd pull him up on his behaviour.

I just can't bear it. My other cousin, who is his mum's sister, took him for a few days because I refused to let him stay in my house.

I try to be more assertive and pull him up on everything but it's not working. He treats like I've got MUG written on my forehead.

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 15/04/2019 19:50

OP this is appalling and you should not have to endure this abuse anywhere let alone your own home. I'm so sorry for you reading this awful situation. Flowers

Samind · 15/04/2019 19:50

Yeah agree with the posters and just have little to do with him until this phase is over.

Hoppinggreen · 15/04/2019 19:51

Sounds like he has no respect for women at all - do the other men in your family?
I would have nothing to do with him. If your mum and sister arrange for him to be at your house go out or to your room

KittyInTheCradle · 15/04/2019 19:54

Could you talk to your brother about it? If he looks up to your brother, maybe your brother can help by being extra polite/respectful to/about you and the kid will copy

Wolfiefan · 15/04/2019 20:02

You’re not his parent.
He stays out of your room.
Don’t engage with him.
Make your mum deal with his crap.
Make plans to move out!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 15/04/2019 20:04

At least get a door wedge for when you are asleep or in your room!

Original poster
AuntieMug · 15/04/2019 20:04

maybe your brother can help by being extra polite/respectful to/about you and the kid will copy

To be fair, when my brother pulls him up when he's really taking the piss and he does take it on board for a bit but it's not often enough. I'll ask him to up it.

Sounds like he has no respect for women at all - do the other men in your family? We have a lot of women in our family. My brother is the only boy out of the cousins and siblings. Dads usually not around but my stepdad is alright but works a lot so he doesn't see everything.

OP posts:
Greatbigterribleshart · 15/04/2019 20:10

If this was my son being so vile i'd want to know. More importantly about how he speaks about and treats you in regards to your dwarfism. I'd come down on him like a ton of bricks for the rest of the attitude alone but the discrimination is something else and that needs to be sorted.
For the record my son is also an only child with his dad not in the picture which to me isn't an excuse. The rest of your family need to learn some respect as well and stop encouraging such nasty behaviour and treating you like anyone treating you that way is okay, child or not. They're not doing any favours and one day he'll do it to the wrong person. They're setting him up to fail.

category12 · 15/04/2019 20:13

Why aren't you "allowed" a lock on your door?

GunpowderGelatine · 15/04/2019 20:17

I've talked to my mum about it but she guilt trips the fact his mum has supported me when I was his age and that he's just an only child with parents who don't particularly care. etc etc

OP, you should NOT be made to feel like you owe someone back because they babysat you as a child!!!

Stand firm. Say no. You sound like a very generous and remarkably patient woman, you don't deserve this treatment. Your family sound very immature.

Original poster
AuntieMug · 15/04/2019 20:20

Perhaps I should take advantage of the moment and go out when he's in.

It's just this half term hitting me because usually my uni holidays don't align with the school holidays but this year it has. I usually have uni instead.

I'm not allowed a lock in case I have a fall or an asthma attack. However a door wedge seems more reasonable.

OP posts:
steff13 · 15/04/2019 20:23

I'm a little confused about the family relationships here. However, that's neither here nor there. It sounds like he doesn't respect any of the women in your family, nor does it sound like your mom is supporting you. Do you work or go to school? Why can't you put a lock on your door?

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 15/04/2019 20:24

I think it's a good idea to go out when he's there, and certainly refuse to ever be responsible for him, making clear why. He is not your problem, and you don't have to deal with him.

Personally I would be making plans to move out, but that's probably more of a long term goal.

LookMoreCloselier · 15/04/2019 20:24

If your aunt is his grandmother, does that not make him a second cousin to you?

Rosehip10 · 15/04/2019 20:25

Is your family middle class?

GunpowderGelatine · 15/04/2019 20:26

Is your family middle class?

WTF!!!!

Dragongirl10 · 15/04/2019 20:27

OP you sound like 12 not 21!

Organise your own lock on your door
Or plan to move out.
Tell your sister he is a nasty brat and you refuse to be spoken to like that.
Stop letting your DM guilt trip you, you are allowed to have your own valid opinions, plus she is making him more of a brat.

Grow a backbone who cares if he is taller than you.

If any 11 yr old spoke to me like that, l would hit the roof and they would certainly think twice before doing it again!

Mammylamb · 15/04/2019 20:29

Dragongirl. Your message is actually very nasty!

These things can be a lot more difficult to do if you are living in the midst of it all

Margot33 · 15/04/2019 20:31

Can you go out when he's over or stay in your room and avoid him? Your mum is looking after him so you could just withdraw from the situation.

LifeImplosionImminent · 15/04/2019 20:33

He sounds like a right little shit. Can't you record his behaviour and then play the footage to his parents?

Cherrysoup · 15/04/2019 20:37

Get a lock and give your mum the spare so she can get in if you have an emergency. You don't want him going in when you're out either. He sounds like a little shit. I have fuck all patience for spoilt kids like him.

HiHoney · 15/04/2019 20:44

Sounds like he's a little shit. I don't really have any advice other than you have my sympathy. Your mum and aunty need to discipline him when he's in their home. Have you spoken to his mother about his attitude?
Surely if he's your aunts grandson that makes him your cousins son, so you second cousin? Not nephew. That would be your siblings children.

Takethebuscuitandthesink · 15/04/2019 21:00

Time to move out so then you can say “my house my rules”and get some control back. This simply isn’t on and you need to communicate deadly seriously to him that if it continues you will be talking to his mum about him not coming over any more and if it carries on after that actually do it.

Original poster
AuntieMug · 15/04/2019 21:00

If your aunt is his grandmother, does that not make him a second cousin to you?

Yeah, that does in the modern sense but our family don't think like that. It's more simple. All grandaunts/uncles are called grandparents along with the actual grandparents. All my parents' siblings and cousins are called aunts/uncles. All first cousins are called as such but 2nd cousins are the children of first cousins.

Grow a backbone who cares if he is taller than you Shame, it can't grow anymore.

I have "hit the roof" multiple times and screamed at him and he's either apologetic because I've threatened to send him back to his mum's when she is home or sulky but he doesn't change.

I am trying to move out to halls for my next degree so fingers crossed there.

Can't you record his behaviour Good idea.. maybe then his mum will take it seriously but she doesn't do much. We'll see when she's back later this week.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 15/04/2019 21:01

Hmm Dragon very helpful, not! He is rude and insolent, sounds like people are enabling him and making excuses. Have you talked to your sister about it. Some good suggestions on here.