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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be irritated by DP saying 'I'm going to do a big job' when that job is part of my day-to-day routine?

39 replies

SarahAndQuack · 15/04/2019 17:07

For example, 'I'm going to do a big job on the laundry pile this weekend'. There was one load of washing on the drier waiting to be put away, another few items in a pile from the last load I'd not got to, and perhaps 6 items waiting to be ironed. Not exactly strenuous and (since we have a toddler), the sort of job I do every couple of days. To add insult to injury, the ironing never happened!

I am a SAHM, though I'm working from home too, and I do freely admit I have much more time than DP. But I keep pointing out that calling something a 'big job' is really annoying when 1) it takes me 45 minutes tops, with a toddler 'helping' and 2) I do it every few days! It's not as if the washing has piled up into a towering mountain requiring heroic efforts to scale, while I've been fecklessly watching TV all day. It's just a load of washing that hasn't got to the wardrobe yet.

Does anyone else wish to join me in related irritations?

OP posts:

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney · 15/04/2019 19:14

Two things my husband does that drive me mad - putting some laundry from the laundry bin into the machine and turning it on is in his words "doing the laundry". That's despite the fact that the hanging out to dry, folding and putting away which are the actually time consuming parts will be left for me. Grr.

Also he says "I've done the washing up / hoovering / mopping etc etc for you". Errrr, for me?! What like as a special treat? Gee thanks.

Ofthread · 15/04/2019 19:14

This is like men who announce they are 'doing childcare', women never really announce this.

cinnabarmoth · 15/04/2019 19:22

I had the double whammy of my partner deciding to clean up in the kitchen while I was out for drinks with a friend, so I felt faintly guilty when I returned home that he had been cleaning on a Saturday night while I socialised. He'd done a good job, though he hadn't gone above and beyond, so I 'noticed' it verbally, but thought nothing more of it as he frequently makes a mess cooking and I usually clear up and I don't expect or get any special gratitude for it. I made a small snack, ate it and went to bed.

When I got up, he moaned at me that I had left my dirty plate and a jar of chutney on the side, and what was the point of him doing all that cleaning? I pointed out that he frequently leaves plates with food on them on the side and that I just get on with it, but apparently it was 'disheartening' that it didn't stay tidy. "Welcome to my life", I thought. "Welcome to my life".

shoelookout · 15/04/2019 19:34

My favourite is "I couldn't do the housework because I was looking after DD and she wants me to play all the time"...erm yes...how do you think I manage?!

Furble · 15/04/2019 19:36

@BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney My DH and I now have a running joke about him doing things “for me”. He’d unload the dishwasher and then announces proudly “I’ve done that for you my love”. I’ve told him so many times he’s not doing anything “for me”, he’s finally got the message and now just says it to get a chuckle (thank goodness as it used to drive me bananas!).

Kylieemilyj · 15/04/2019 19:40

My partner seems to think him putting a load of washing in the washing machine once in a while is helping! (im not complaining because i currently have a bad back, so it saved me doing it this evening) he thinks that because he works long hours he can just lounge around when he gets home because i work less hours than him (and im now on maternity leave so i have even more time now right?), even before i was still working 35-45 hours a week and he does 37 without overtime, so im not sure where he got the idea he does more out of the house work than me! youve got me on a rage now haha. He doesnt think that being heavily pregnant and working full time means im knackered too! but he did help do the washing up this morning and put one load of washing on so today hes kinda in my good books...but yeah i totally get how you feel!

fluorescentorange · 15/04/2019 19:50

My DH loves to announce he has done a job “I’ve hoovered the stairs” and stops just before the words “for you” come out😂. It has taken about 30 years to learn not to add in the last two words but they do learn!!!!

NW2SW · 15/04/2019 19:56

DH thinks of himself as some kind of clothes washing Demi-God. Three loads a week, the amount I hear about it you'd think he was curing cancer. Also when I do a load he critiques my every move for not doing it his way!

Lowena · 15/04/2019 20:13

I am so glad I am not the only one who 'going to do a big job' is a euphemism!

Original poster

SarahAndQuack · 15/04/2019 20:21

Oh, god, yes, @shoelookout! She is getting better but we still have a lot of 'but I can't cook dinner - DD is trying to help!'

OP posts:

MooBaaLaLaLa · 15/04/2019 20:36

My DH announced that he'd cleaned the bathroom "for me" yesterday as we were having people round and I was stressing.
At first I was pleased in spite of the "for me" bit because it was on my mental list to do but then he followed up with, "You might want to do the floor... and wipe the bath..."

I asked if he'd cleaned the mirror, or the shower screen? "Nope."

Went up, basically he'd wiped the sink and the loo vaguely but nothing else and expected a parade and a fucking medal.

NotAnotherNameChange99 · 15/04/2019 21:02

DH took some wet washing out of the machine and then tumble-dried it while I was at work and he had last week off. He dumped the dry stuff (all bedding) in a basket in the airing cupboard, along with all the dirty towels that had been sitting next to the machine ready for the next wash. When I asked where the towels were he said he'd put them away. I said great, thanks for putting the wash on. He said "no, I thought they were clean and you'd just left them in a heap to be put away"!!!

I NEVER leave clean washing in a heap, I always fold it straight from the drier so they aren't crumpled (I don't iron - my family does their own shirts when required)

But when I rolled my eyes at the damp musty towels on the pile of clean ones in the airing cupboard, DH went mental, shouting about how he was helpful and I think he's useless etc etc etc. I walked away.

The clean bedding is still in a heap where he put it and will probably be there til I use it as his shroud

And don't get me started on "I did that for you"....!

mirime · 15/04/2019 21:15

DH was off last week, did a few minor bits of tidying on one day and sighed about how the housework is never done!

Clutterbugsmum · 15/04/2019 21:28

I'm with FadedRed except I would hide all the clean washing doing a bit each day, including all the bedding and the towels but I would hide it and then pile it all up for him to see when he got home from home on Thursday.

And I would remind him that he stated he was going to do a big Job on the clean washing pile so I have got it ready for him.

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