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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irritated by DP saying 'I'm going to do a big job' when that job is part of my day-to-day routine?

39 replies

SarahAndQuack · 15/04/2019 17:07

For example, 'I'm going to do a big job on the laundry pile this weekend'. There was one load of washing on the drier waiting to be put away, another few items in a pile from the last load I'd not got to, and perhaps 6 items waiting to be ironed. Not exactly strenuous and (since we have a toddler), the sort of job I do every couple of days. To add insult to injury, the ironing never happened!

I am a SAHM, though I'm working from home too, and I do freely admit I have much more time than DP. But I keep pointing out that calling something a 'big job' is really annoying when 1) it takes me 45 minutes tops, with a toddler 'helping' and 2) I do it every few days! It's not as if the washing has piled up into a towering mountain requiring heroic efforts to scale, while I've been fecklessly watching TV all day. It's just a load of washing that hasn't got to the wardrobe yet.

Does anyone else wish to join me in related irritations?

OP posts:
tobypercy · 15/04/2019 17:25

I feel your pain. I think some people feel under-appreciated and think that shouting their efforts from the rooftop will get them praise they feel they deserve.

"I've given the kitchen a good clean" from my DH seems to mean he's done the washing up, possibly put it away and if he's feeling really adventurous he's put a couple of bits of clutter away and wiped the counters (although obviously not behind or around the kettle, toaster or food waste caddy, he hasn't yet noticed those surfaces exist).

FadedRed · 15/04/2019 17:25

Right, today’s Monday so you’ve got four days to put everything in the house, apart from the clothes you are wearing, through the washing machine, so come the weekend there IS a towering Everest size pile of laundry for him to crack on with.

tobypercy · 15/04/2019 17:31

FadedRed I like your style Grin

Likethebattle · 15/04/2019 17:47

Yes husband hoovers, that’s it that’s all! In the time it takes him to hoover 2 rooms, i’ve Emptied and re-filled dishwasher, cleaned worktops, hoovered kitchen (smaller vacuum), mopped the floor,damp dusted the living room and put back all the stuff he threw on sofa out of the way of his hoovering. He hoovered though so he’s done his bit!

Likethebattle · 15/04/2019 17:51

He has also cleaned the bathroom after I threw a tantrum that I was sick of it being me that always did it. He did an alright job until I saw what he used to do the cleaning. A full pack of bathroom wipes (a pack lasts me 3 months as i just use them now and again) was used!

Yesicancancan · 15/04/2019 17:56

Stop cleaning and domesticated tasks, he will catch on

AliasGrape · 15/04/2019 17:58

DP drives me mad with this, doesn’t call it a ‘big job’ but the way he gets up on an occasional Saturday, flings open the curtains and declares loudly and with great purpose ‘right, I’m going to tackle that washing it’s getting out of hand’ when there’s maybe a load of washing that needs doing, just like when I do the exact same ‘tackling’ of the washing throughout the week, or hoovering, or emptying of the dishwasher or other similar routine task that I can somehow manage without the loud declarations and manly striding about. I tend to just say ‘oh yes please do, thank GOD you’re here’ and leave him to it.

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 15/04/2019 18:01

This made me chuckle, my husband does the same but won’t iron either!

He also demands applause when spent 2 hours cleaning the bathroom (which was fairly clean anyway) whilst I did the rest of the house ! Including the ironing - and then I still had to re clean the bathroom to my standards. But atleast he does try to clean!

SomebodysNotInBedYet · 15/04/2019 18:06

I understand OP. It does sound petty to outsiders but it's so grating. I took the DC out for a couple of hours at the weekend and dp said he was going to take a chance to have a 'proper' clean with no toddler underfoot When we got back he said 'I know it might not look like much but I have hoovered upstairs AND downstairs'. We live in a tiny two up two down Hmm

Original poster
SarahAndQuack · 15/04/2019 18:13

Grin fadedred, you are an evil schemer and I like you.

yesi - you say that, but I've seen no evidence.

I actually didn't, this weekend, feel particularly un-supported. It was just the rhetoric of 'I'm going to do a big job' making me raise an eyebrow.

somebodys - upstairs and down! Shock Colour me suitably impressed. But did he do the stairs?

OP posts:
Bracknellite · 15/04/2019 18:14

I thought this post was going to be about announcing he’s going for a crap

Original poster
SarahAndQuack · 15/04/2019 18:16

Oh, and alias, yes, we have 'tackling' too.

She got home from work half an hour ago and I pointed out I'd done the ironing. 'Oh, why, I was going to tackle that!'

Yes love, so I'll just wait until you get to it shall I, while the child goes around naked.

(Actually, said child would probably love that option.)

OP posts:
megrichardson · 15/04/2019 18:26

I used to get in tones of surprise 'I've cleaned the skirting board in the living room, I don't think it's ever been done'. No, pillock, you have never done it before and maybe it was due a wipe-down but I do it fairly regularly.

CaptainButtock · 15/04/2019 18:33

If my husband threatened to do a ‘big job’ on the laundry pile me and him would have a serious problem 😂
💩

MissPollyHadADolly19 · 15/04/2019 18:33

Lol this DH after he does something so simple.
Can't be as bad as when mine does the washing up but will only wash up what's in the sink Hmm not the odd cup on the side or pan that's been left on the hob ready for washing but then will make matters worse by sitting down and exclaiming he's "cleaned the kitchen" - no you effin haven't, that's just one part of it!!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 15/04/2019 18:37

I thought this post was going to be about announcing he’s going for a crap

So did I! And if he really is going to do a big job on the laundry pile this weekend, when it does get done, it'll need an extra rinse cycle at the very least Grin

betterbehomesoon · 15/04/2019 18:38

Ahh men and wanting credit and praise for work they should be doing anyways. I can't tell you how often me and my gfs complain about this. So frustrating!!! Please google and read the "Mental Load Cartoon" and you'll see the domestic duty sharing in the most honest light, its the most enlightening read - I eventually got my husband to read it and he changed it views on what was "his jobs" around the house and parental responsibilities. (I still have to remind him often though LOL)

BigSandyBalls2015 · 15/04/2019 18:38

My DH will do something like put a wash on and then announce that the machine is filthy and spend an hour thoroughly cleaning it, pulling out the powder drawer etc. Or decide to cook and announce the oven is filthy and deep clean it. None of this is needed but he can’t seem to just stick to the task intended, it has to turn into some massive job.

Original poster
SarahAndQuack · 15/04/2019 18:41

I used to get in tones of surprise 'I've cleaned the skirting board in the living room, I don't think it's ever been done'.

Shock Oh, that's infuriating!

My mum recently broke her ankle, and my dad keeps coming out with shockers like this, and it is driving her nuts. Lots of 'so how often do you clean the floor, then ... once or twice a year?' Hmm

@betterbehomesoon - I know there are loads of people commenting about male DPs, but for what it's worth, mine isn't.

OP posts:
MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 15/04/2019 18:50

My DH does not DO cleaning! However, we have our own bathrooms and since we got rid of our cleaner, are responsible for cleaning our own. Needless to say, his has not been done for over 3 weeks! It is quite disgusting - clothes draped everywhere, drips of toothpaste and shaving foam in the sink and on counters, empty tissue box and loo roll. I daren't raise the lid of the loo! I refuse to do it myself and wonder how long it will be before he gets round to it.

justarandomtricycle · 15/04/2019 18:50

Out of interest, if you did a chunk of what she gets through in 45 minutes of a working day, would you consider that a big effort and would it take you longer than 45 minutes?

I think that would be the case for me (it would take me at least 10x as long as do to do their job and I admit I'd probably sound like I wanted a pat on the back)

Original poster
SarahAndQuack · 15/04/2019 19:02

milktray - eewwww! Yeuch.

just - well, I'm not trained for what she does and it's specialised (she works in biomedical sciences), so I can't really compare. However, it's equally the case that, if she were to try to do my work-from-home job, she couldn't, so we are the same in that respect.

I think specialised jobs are different from basic adult skills like laundry, though, surely?

OP posts:
DowntonCrabby · 15/04/2019 19:02

Bless him what a clever wee petal.

MerryBerryCheesecake · 15/04/2019 19:03

If mine declares he is going to "do a big job", it usually means he's off for an epic shit. He may then lightly wipe a few bits of furniture with a damp cloth prior to sitting down for a rest with TV remote in one hand and a cup of tea in the other. The promise of finishing it in a minute is there when challenged but very rarely gets followed up on.

ginghamtablecloths · 15/04/2019 19:05

When some men do a job like this they expect a round of applause whereas a woman just gets on with it.

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