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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be sick of the mid life weight battle

118 replies

Mangetoutrodney · 15/04/2019 14:37

Urgh- I am 46 and feel like I am fighting a weight battle with my hormones.

I eat a dairy free veggie diet thats healthy (I eat eggs so not vegan), exercise 4-5 times a week and barely drink. I calorie track to about 1500 a day & also do 5:2.

One weekend of drinking 2 nights & eating a bit more than normal and I have put on 4lbs. I know some of it will be water etc but I feel like I could literally PILE on the weight if I wasn’t all over what I eat.

It’s like constantly treading water but watching virtually everything I eat & drink & exercising like mad to not put weight on. I am not naturally skinny either so have always had to work at it but it’s feeling really hard to stay a normal weight/ healthy.

Aibu to be fed up- I am perimenipausal & it’s wreakng havoc. Anyone else had similar?

OP posts:

ReallyAngryNow · 17/04/2019 10:32

Yesterday I spent 30 mins on Deliveroo's website drooling over cakes that I'd like to get delivered. I never do of course, I just like to torture myself with the fantasy.

I thought I was the only one doing this kind of self-torture.
I’m only in my mid 30s but have pcos so this has been my life.
Dreading turning 40 if it’s as bad as you all say it is!

feelingverylazytoday · 17/04/2019 10:50

My experience is that my weight settled down a couple of years after my menopause. I'm 59 now, just a stone or so heavier than when I was a teenager, pretty much the same size and shape but probably fitter. I have got Mumtum though, but I've had 3 kids so don't really expect to ever have a flat abdomen again.
My advice to everyone is to exercise as much as you can, even if you hate it. It does pay off.
Just to add, I worked out my TDEE at 1852, that seens fine to me. No need to starve myself on that number of calories.

LittleSF · 17/04/2019 10:54

I've just started Dr Giles Yeo's book on Gene Eating and so far it's really interesting - the fact that a lot of people gain weight in the 40s isn't down to huge changes in how they eat, it's all incremental really. Knowing that stops me beating myself up so much about my lack of willpower. The extra weight that a lot of us carry in our 40s compared to our 20s is down to an increase of just about 7 calories a day!

I have only started the book but his theory seems to be that even when we lose the weight, our brain has a "set point" that it wants to get back to - it believes it's a matter of survival. I'm hoping he has a way of re-setting this set point!

A previous poster said that being thin in your 40s means always being a bit hungry - I am beginning to believe that's true. I think I have to accept that I'll never get back to what I was before (3 stone more than I am now) but that I will feel and look great and be healthy if I lose 2 stone. Right now I'm technically overweight and my cholesterol is high so I'm on a four month mission to get back into a healthy range for both. So it's back to WW and serious effort to cut down the sugar.

Thanks to the OP for starting this thread - it's really timely for me considering my GP visit this week re the cholesterol and so helpful to know that I'm not the only one feeling like this!

TooBusyHavingFun · 17/04/2019 11:09

I struggle, I cycle and kayak, want to start running and kettle bell, when I've tried weights that makes a real difference to my figure but I'm not keen on the cheap gyms and can't afford the expensive ones. I eat and drink alot (always have) so I have to focus on increasing the exercise and healthy eating.

TooBusyHavingFun · 17/04/2019 11:14

Forgot to add I'm 12-14 and 5ft 9" (almost!), 11.5st (hate even writing that...) and sadly apple shaped.

I recommend weights and cutting down on carbs but both don't come easily to me but do work.

Gin96 · 17/04/2019 11:45

I am 49, 5’4 and weigh 9st 10, I eat like a horse and never put weight on, i’m Waiting to wake up one morning and be 20st, I am wobbly though and not toned like i was in my 20s and 30s. I walk a lot, I must do at least 3 miles a day, whether that has something to do with it. I also can’t eat big meals and eat little and often, I don’t deny myself anything. I also can’t eat after 6 as I get terrible indigestion at night and can’t sleep

SolitudeAtAltitude · 17/04/2019 12:30

You eat like a horse.....but you don't eat big meals ehm.... you are a small eater then

I have a very slim friend who will meet up with me for lunch, and in her own words "eats like a horse"... but she will then just only have a coffee for lunch, as she already had a huuuuge banana for breakfast

This thread is not really about people like that, I don't think

Gin96 · 17/04/2019 12:46

Oh no I can easily devour a Big Mac and chips at lunchtime 😊 but everything in moderation, I would only do this occasionally and I love a glass or 2 of wine

LittleSF · 17/04/2019 12:48

I have three friends in their 40s and all very slim. Whenever I go to their houses for dinner I've always left starving. And they are not being mean, they genuinely have less of an appetite than I would have and the portions they serve are just so much smaller.

On more than one occasion myself and DH have stopped off at the chipper on the way home as we were so hungry! Now we just make sure we have a big lunch that day.

My point being that they would all describe themselves as having "big appetites" but they really don't (not in comparison to me). They also have the ability to stop eating when they are full!

Chuck in my tendency to emotionally eat and that's probably why they are naturally slim and I really struggle.

Asta19 · 17/04/2019 13:35

@LittleSF

That book sounds really interesting, I might have a look at that myself.

I do wonder if there's some primitive reason why we are putting on weight prior to menopause. A bit like when girls often put on weight prior to starting their periods? feelingverylazytoday posted My experience is that my weight settled down a couple of years after my menopause So maybe there is something in it?

BarbieJellyBabyBrain · 17/04/2019 13:45

I heading towards late 30s now, and I have really noticed that it's much harder to not gain weight. However, I am ever so slightly resigning myself to it.

That's not to say that I'm going to 'let myself go' completely, but it's not worth the misery to try and hold back the inevitable. I think that accepting that Im not going to look the same at 45 as I did at 20 and that that is absolutely fine is probably much healthier than constantly stressing about what I'm eating and becoming upset that staying in shape is really hard.

I know several women who are in their 40s who are 'still in great shape' and generally look great. They literally hardly eat anything and if we go out then everything is about 'Ooooh I shouldn't really eat that' and no desserts. To be honest I would rather be a couple of sizes bigger and eat the cake!

somewheresorted · 17/04/2019 18:03

I’m 47 and haven’t gained any weight, but then I walk daily, exercise 4 times a week and keep an eye on my calories.

For me it seems a small price to pay if it means I enter my 50’s, 60’s and onwards without dodgy knees, hips, high blood pressure, cholesterol, type 2 diabetes, to name but a few ailments related to getting older and carrying those extra pounds.

It is harder keeping it off around the menopause but it’s certainly achievable if you want it.

SevenSeasofRye · 18/04/2019 21:25

Two books worth reading are The Autoimmune Solution by Amy Myers
The Evolution Diet Arthur de Vany.

I am have two friends who have each followed one of these books and had amazing results.

intensiveeveline · 19/04/2019 10:09

SevenSeasofRye

Oooh! Thanks for these tips. I have an AI disease. Off to Amazon I go!

Japonicaflower2 · 20/04/2019 07:11

I would have agreed with somewheresorted until I had myocarditis and developed severe heart failure. Medications have caused weight gain but saved my life. I'm a stone heavier than I was but have decided that rather than get fed up trying to squeeze into far too tight clothes I am going to embrace the new me.
I've already got three bags of clothes for the charity shop, there will be more too.
I'm actually feeling quite liberated!

SerenDippitty · 20/04/2019 07:20

Having dodgy knees and hips is not always the result of being overweight. I have osteoarthritis in my knees and I’ve never been overweight and exercised. I know someone who has had both their hips replaced despite being super fit and running marathons etc.

Bluebananas01 · 20/04/2019 07:21

Have you ever had your Thyroid checked? It is really common in women over 40 and may be a cause of your weight struggles. I was exercising 6 days a week and tracking food and either staying the same or gaining weight. Yet one cheat day would make me put on a few pounds that I could never shift. I got my Thyroid tested and yes, Underactive Thyroid which I'm being treated with.
Medichecks do Thyroid testing and the cost is usually discounted on Thursdays.
www.medichecks.com/thyroid-health
If ok have a look at Cortisol levels and sex hormones. Seems to be a fine balance when you want to lose weight.

DaffoDeffo · 20/04/2019 07:26

It's a nightmare! I have had a lot of meals out this week and just weighed myself and I'm 2kg heavier. I will up my exercise next week but I have lost around 16kg this last year (I needed to) and I'm terrified of putting it back on.

It is bloody hard work and a constant battle for me as I love socialising and I love my food! Lots of sympathy from me!

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