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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt by this?

46 replies

TheRumor · 14/04/2019 21:36

I don't know if I'm blowing this out of proportion, but it's really got to me.

OH works nights, one week on followed by a week off. Sometimes on the weekends he is working, I take DD and go and stay with my parents. This is usually Friday night to Sunday eve.

I do this mostly because it gives him the opportunity to sleep in the day without noisy DD, and it gives me the opportunity to enjoy some company.

Anyhow, this weekend he dropped me and DD at my parents house on Friday and headed off to work. He normally texts me pretty regularly when he's on shift, and he text me on Saturday morning at around 5am which is 2 hours before the end of his shift.

When it got to 5pm on Saturday, I text him to say hi and make sure he was awake for his shift. It stayed as one tick on WhatsApp, and when I called him it went straight to voicemail. So I called the house phone which rang out. I started to get a bit concerned. I didn't know if he'd got home okay after his shift or where he was.

I continued trying to call but no answer.

About 30 minutes later, with me fretting, he calls me to say he's up, had plugged his phone in but the charger was switched off at the wall, and that the house phone wasn't plugged in so it hadn't rang 

He sounded very awake and alert. Said he was sorry to have worried me and that he was just going to eat then go to work.

At this point, I'm feeling like something doesn't add up, but end the call and get on with my evening.

As the evening wears on it's still nagging at me, so I text him to ask. He's really cagey at first but after a bit more coaxing he told me that he'd got up at lunchtime and gone to the football.

He's adamant he didn't turn his phone off on purpose and that what he said about the charger was true. He said the house phone was off. But all of this is secondary to the fact that he out and out lied to me about where he was?

I just don't get it? He's free to go to the football whenever he likes and he's just bought a season ticket for the next season. All I ever ask is that he tells me in advance when he is going to games so I can plan activities with DD around it (he takes the car)

Why have we now gone one step further and he's just plain lying about it? Or was he doing something else?

I'm just so hurt and I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not?

Sorry for the long post 

OP posts:
gamerchick · 14/04/2019 21:41

Well I'd be knocking the giving him the house to himself on a weekend for a while if he's going to take the piss.

Shoxfordian · 14/04/2019 21:52

I don't really see what the issue is, he got off work at 7, slept in and then went out to watch football then was getting ready for work. When did he lie to you? Why do you need to know his every movement?

Original poster
TheRumor · 14/04/2019 21:55

@Shoxfordian

I don't.

He lied to me on the phone. Said he'd got up and was just getting some food.

Why lie? I just don't get it.

OP posts:
MrsEricBana · 14/04/2019 21:55

I agree with you. Why did he need to lie about it?

FissionChips · 14/04/2019 21:56

Maybe he doesn’t like you knowing his every move.

Shoxfordian · 14/04/2019 21:57

So at 5pm he said he'd just got up but then he admitted later he got up at lunchtime and went to the football?

Original poster
TheRumor · 14/04/2019 21:58

@FissionChips

I don't care about knowing his every move.

I care that he lied about it.

But I'm totally prepared to be told I'm unreasonable.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheRumor · 14/04/2019 21:59

@Shoxfordian

Yes.

OP posts:
Isadora2007 · 14/04/2019 22:00

So you go home to your parents every other weekend? As a parent of adult children I’d hope they wouldn’t think that was a permanent arrangement- I’ve done enough parenting and wouldn’t want to do it ever other weekend forever more.

The situation does sound a little odd with the lying, but then the whole set up seems a bit off really. Like your husband compartmentalises his life a little too much and you’re pandering to it. Shift work as a parent often means you don’t have child free house to sleep the day away- if he was able to get up to go to football he could cope with you being around more...

PodgeBod · 14/04/2019 22:01

I don't think you are being unreasonable I would he shocked if OH outright lied to me like that. And I would be wondering if the football thing was true.

sailorcherries · 14/04/2019 22:01

In your OP you said he told you he was 'up', not 'just up'. He never lied, that I can see. You were specifically worried about not answering the phone and he gave reasons, valid reasons. Unless you asked what he has done earlier that day he hasn't lied or omitted any detail. It just wasn't relevant to the question asked

sweeneytoddsrazor · 14/04/2019 22:02

He hasnt lied. He said he was up, was getting food and going to work all of which was true. He didn't say he had been to football but that isnt a lie.

Original poster
TheRumor · 14/04/2019 22:03

Not every other weekend, just sometimes.

My parents are perfectly happy with us coming every now and then, as it gives them time with DD.

Perhaps it is a little odd. I'd never thought about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheRumor · 14/04/2019 22:04

So lied by omission?

I don't know. It just seems so weird.

Why not just say I've just got back from the football and charged up my phone?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheRumor · 14/04/2019 22:05

When he said he was up, I took it as just got up.

Silly me, I suppose!

OP posts:
Dieu · 14/04/2019 22:06

I've never heard of a grown adult woman who spends every weekend at her parent's. Aren't you able to spend some of it with friends instead, and then just go home? Sorry OP, I don't mean to sound rude. The lying isn't great I admit, but maybe it was a last minute decision to go, or maybe he thought you'd be pissed off. Do you often do things just the three of you?

Bigearringsbigsmile · 14/04/2019 22:06

It's a lie by omission.

Dieu · 14/04/2019 22:07

Sorry, not every weekend, my mistake.

Original poster
TheRumor · 14/04/2019 22:08

@Dieu

No, I don't have many friends where I live.

I suffer from depression, and find being alone all weekend quite difficult.

And for what it's worth, it isn't EVERY weekend. It's probably once a month, sometimes less or more depending on the occasion. Sometimes I visit my sister, my grandparents, my aunt. Sometimes there's a party or something.

OP posts:
Geminijes · 14/04/2019 22:08

You say you want him to tell you in advance he's going to football so you can plan activities around it but you were at your parents so why would you need to know if he was going to football?

He told you he was up and he was truthful, he didn't mention the football but then why should he? you were not home so it made difference to you.

Nanny0gg · 14/04/2019 22:09

Read the OP's posts. She doesn't do it every weekend, and just because some people wouldn't like it, doesn't mean the OP's parents have a problem with it.

I wouldn't be happy about the lying either.

Neverender · 14/04/2019 22:09

He lied because he knows he's taking the piss. Stop taking the kids out and stop giving him a pass to do whatever he wants.

FissionChips · 14/04/2019 22:10

It’s really normal for people to want to do some things without others knowing, even if it’s just something mundane.

You need to get over it .

Original poster
TheRumor · 14/04/2019 22:11

I ask for him to tell me because he has a habit of telling me the day before and I like to plan.

There was a reason he didn't tell me, I'm just not sure why. Maybe it's none of my business? I don't even know. That's why I posted here because I'm hurt but not really sure that I'm justified in feeling hurt that he would lie (by omission) or whatever.

Am I that awful he can't tell me something as simple as he went to the football?

OP posts:
MrsJDornan · 14/04/2019 22:12

Maybe he didn't feel the need to tell you as you weren't there and then when you rung he felt caught out?

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