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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not believe in the mythical baby who....

67 replies

Lindtbunnymassacre · 14/04/2019 20:38

....goes to sleep "drowsy but awake?"

This is the suggestion I see in books and online but my DD, nine months old, has loudly objected every time I try it. She'll lie in her cot, have a look around for a few minutes, then start screeching.

She is currently waking up every twenty to thirty minutes, apart from between 12 midnight and 7am,when, thank goodness, she will sleep (cosleeping)

The rest of the time we are trying to get her to sleep in her cot beside our bed. She has always needed resettling in the evening and she has never napped for long, but this is just ridiculous. She went to bed at half seven and I've been up to settle her again three times already. I go back to work next month so I'm keen to have her in a better routine. What do I do? She was getting so much better up until this week and now we are back to square one.

OP posts:

CountFosco · 14/04/2019 22:25

DD2 was the easiest baby ever, I could put her down wide awake and she'd fall asleep quite happily. She woke in the night much more than the others though and started reverse cycling when I went back to work. She is still my easiest going child (she's now 9) 90 % of the time.

Jenniferyellowcat · 14/04/2019 22:29

OP I totally sympathise that a 12-7 stretch when co-sleeping a Velcro baby does not mean you are well rested, or feel in any way like you have a baby that sleeps through.

justjuggling · 14/04/2019 22:34

Neither of mine did it!

switswoo81 · 14/04/2019 22:43

You poor thing. It's really tough especially when you are going back to work . Hopefully things will improve soon.
I can't offer any advice because I had two of those babies. I would read on here about babies sleeping on parents/hating noses baskets etc and not understand. Both my dds could put themselves to sleep when put down from day one and unbelievably my 12 month old has never woken during the night for any other reason than a bottle and that stopped at 3 months and sleeps 12 to 13 hours a night. My 4yo asks to go to bed from about 6:45.

My mum actually advised me not to have any more because a non sleeper would be such a shock. I agree with her.

Blueberrycheesecake1 · 14/04/2019 22:52

Mine did but I think the word drowsy is misleading. If mine looked drowsy then it was already too late! So just awake (after being awake for an age appropriate time). Also sometimes they make little noises (not crying) before going to sleep. Once I realised those two things it became much easier!

writerperson · 14/04/2019 22:58

DS1 was the same - he wouldn't settle in the evenings EVER for what felt like about 100 years.

I feel your frustration. All I wanted was to please please please have some evening time to myself, to watch TV or make something to eat or read a book.

Some evenings I'd be up and down the stairs every five or ten minutes and it gave me the RAGE.

At some point it got better but I can't remember when, sorry (he's nearly 16 now and sleeps beautifully!). It will pass eventually.

MissTerryShopper · 14/04/2019 23:10

Lindt, how long are the naps? I think 3 naps is too many. Mine used to have 2 good length ones. At first I used to race around and do house stuff while they napped but after a while I used to sleep at the same time as they did.

lau888 · 14/04/2019 23:35

If your child is a terrible sleeper, it doesn't mean the next baby will also be a terrible sleeper. (Although, they might.) It just means that it will take a while longer than you'd hoped till they are going to sleep independently.

One mom, I knew, had kids that slept through from a few weeks old - actual sleeping through, not that ridiculous "6 hours counts as a full night" rubbish. Every single one of her kids. (Several moms were somewhat envious - including me!) It feels very unfair when you're going through sleep deprivation. But, they all end up sleeping eventually. x

DameSylvieKrin · 15/04/2019 03:29

Gradual retreat: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/1394888-What-worked-for-us-Hope-this-helps

Cliffordthebigreddog · 15/04/2019 03:36

I never thought my DD would go to sleep In her cot when drowsy but we followed the Little Ones sleep programme and within a few days she was doing. I was shocked that it had worked! Still self settles now at just over 2 years old!

2tired2function · 15/04/2019 04:02

I'm almost afraid to suggest this because I know it's a very touchy topic with strong opinions on both sides, but have you considered some form of controlled crying? Or a sleep consultant? Someone in our NCT group had a really tough time with naps and night time sleep until 7 months and had a sleep consultant who seemed to work well within whatever boundaries you were comfortable with (for her it was a very short period of crying before going in) and had pretty immediate results with reducing night time wakes, increasing nap lengths and sleeping independently in her cot.

StoppinBy · 15/04/2019 04:09

I have done this with both my children, my DD I started when she was about 4-5 months and I had had enough if being a permanent sleeping spot for her and my son I did it with from the time he was born.

The older they are when you start the harder it is. I found with my DD that the trick to start with was to let her drift off when I fed her then gently jiggle her on the way to bed so that she was somewhat aware that she was being put in her cot, it took some time with her but she got it and it makes life so much easier.

Ragwort · 15/04/2019 08:15

Sorry you are going through this sounds horrendous, but some babies do just sleep really easily, I put my DS to bed, 7pm, from the day we got home from hospital and he self settled and slept through to 7am with one very quick night feed, from which he went straight back to sleep, so I was very, very lucky.

However, I would love to meet the mythical teenager who is polite, harming and helpful at home, keeps their room tidy and studies diligently for A levels - I don’t believe any exist .

Ragwort · 15/04/2019 08:17

charming not harming .

reetgood · 15/04/2019 08:24

At eight months there’s no way my son could do drowsy but awake. And I definitely recognise that co-sleeping description. It does get better, my son is 15 months and still a crap sleeper but I can settle him in the cot. It requires me having both hands on him but he does settle. I think until they have that capacity, controlled crying is a bit of a bust. As soon as he’s awake he’s on his feet crying.

Op is there any option for partner to do any of the evening or early morning settles? I would get early am sleep and it was gold dust.

ReturnofSaturn · 15/04/2019 08:30

Sorry if this annoys you but...

My 14 month old goes to bed at 7pm. I put him in the cot and leave the room. Five minutes later if I check on him he will be fast asleep.
He started sleeping spontaneously completely through the night at 11 weeks!!

I can't quite believe my luck myself actually!!!!

I did have raging PND when he was born and had a severe depressive episode which me and him ended up in a mother-baby mental health unit for 3 weeks. So I like to think that he knew he had to be good for me to help me with the pnd.

Newbie1981 · 15/04/2019 08:38

Yeah sorry. Mine is 9 months and did from 6 months for naps and then all night too. Wasn't the easiest first six months but worth it now

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