MIL took DH out when we had a 4 week old

[TatDeDrummond]

Reflecting on my relationship with my MIL and my bitterness towards her, wondering if I'm wrong and over reacting to things. There has been that much stuff I think I've lost perspective but this is one thing I keep doing back to.

Very brief background - MIL has always been obsessed with DH and will call him multiple times a day, wants to see him constantly etc. A year ago when DS was 4 weeks old I was really struggling with PND and anxiety, DS was colicky and screamed for hours each evening, I was just about hanging on by a thread. MIL at the time lived very close to us and witnessed how hard everything was. She asked DH to go out to the ballet with her and take her for dinner as a production she fancied was finishing the following week. She told him he needed a break and they went out and left me to cope alone and she put pictures of their evening all over social media.

I know DH was wrong for going too (I think) but I was too mentally fragile to stand up for myself properly. I think as a mother she should have never done this as she must have known how inappropriate it is to pressure (and she did) a new father into a night out away from his wife and child.

AIBU here or is it no big deal?

The fact that you're dwelling on this event from a year ago would be a concern. Yes, your DH primarily, and your MIL, maybe should have been more thoughtful at the time but it seems like a waste of energy to keep focusing on it. You mentioned PND and anxiety, did you get help for this?

As others have said it’s your DH that shouldn’t have accepted that invite, but my (ex)MIL was exactly the same- a manipulative witch. Booked my (ex)P a “cheeky weekend away with the boys so he could unwind after the stresses of having a new baby” when our DD was 3wks old. We were being evicted as he hadn’t paid the rent (but lied to me and had taken my share of rent money every month and spent it on god knows what) and DD has severe allergies to milk, reflux and I had mastitis.
She booked on the Wednesday, he went on the Friday. I am still not over it now. He shouldn’t have gone but she also shouldn’t have booked it- as a mother she should know that he belonged at home and that we needed the money to sort out the mess he got us in.

My advice: talk to someone. I’ve lived with this for 14 years but we haven’t heard from him at all so it’s at the back of my mind. The only way you will come to terms with this and rectify the other incidences (of which I bet there are manyyyyyyyy) is by facing it and talking to a counsellor or GP. Otherwise it will continue to upset you.
Hugs x

He’s an adult so of course if he didn’t feel like he should go, then just say ’no’. Was mil aware of your situation, ie PND and baby colicky? I’m guessing if you don’t have a good relationship with her that she wouldn’t have been aware, which means that the one person who did know (DH) is the person you should feel angry at. That you still feel so bitter and resentful about it 12 months later is strange. Either get it off your chest and confront her about it, or just move on.

PS Multiple phone calls a day - massive red flag right there - I wouldn't want to have sex with a man who enabled this kind of behaviour from his mother, let alone marry and have a baby with him!

I guess DH will be chucking me out any day now then, since I talk to my mum on the phone at least once a day and sometimes 2 or 3 times. Or is that OK as I'm female?

OP, if you feel it's a big deal then it is, regardless of what anyone else thinks. However, it happened a year ago. Has it been followed by a string of similar incidents of your DH spending more time with his DM than with you and your DC? If yes, you need to at the very least sit down with him and explain how it's making you feel. If no, then I think you need to draw a line under what was a particularly upsetting incident and move on - for your own peace of mind and wellbeing if nothing else.

99calmbeforethestorm
You may not have wanted that, that's you're view and right- doesn't bother me that hubby might attend his brothers bday for a few hours literally 3 miles down the road. I've had way, way, way more serious major surgery than a c-section so happy knowing I can cope with a friend or family member there for a few hours. But understand you may not feel the same.