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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think he should support me in quitting my job

56 replies

WaveAfterWave3 · 14/04/2019 19:47

I hate my job. I've been employed there for about a year, and hated it from the start. However, DP pushed me to stick it out. He didn't want me being out of work, as we were looking to buy a house, and we wouldn't have got the mortgage without me having a salary. He said once we had the house, he would support me to quit so I could find something else.

We have the house now, but he doesn't want me to leave work without a job to go to. My job is seriously affecting my mental health now, and while I've been looking for another job, I haven't had any luck as employers say my notice period is too long. I am on sleeping tablets, valium, antidepressants, and beta blockers because of all this.

Here are a few more facts, which I think are relevant:

DP earns £35k, I earn £21k
I put £5k more into the deposit for the house than he did
Our mortgage, bills, and food comes to around £1500 a month

OP posts:

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 14/04/2019 21:12

I guess after a recent move savings are pretty much nil?

How long is your notice period and how dire has the job hunt been?

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 14/04/2019 21:13

I am on sleeping tablets, valium, antidepressants, and beta blockers because of all this

Are these all being prescribed by the GP? Your medication needs reviewing as this combination could well be making you feel worse rather than better.

I know what it's like to dread going to work. But I don't think your DH is unreasonable for wanting you to find something else before you quit. If you walk away from your job and you end up struggling financially that won't do your MH any good either.

TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 14/04/2019 21:18

I think you need to find a job first.

My job affects my mental health significantly. I’ve been on anti depressants for ages and have had 2 absences from stress.

But l just have to keep going as l can’t afford to leave it. And that is what it comes down to. I can’t have the luxury of leaving my job no matter how it affects me.

Look for another job and then leave

LL83 · 14/04/2019 21:22

What are the consequences of not working full notice period? They might be able to take holiday pay or perhaps last wage but what else could happen?

LynnTheseAreSexPeople · 14/04/2019 21:25

YANBU. DH must be bringing home around £2300 a month so you're still £800 up without your salary. Your health is suffering so I think you need to quit and look for something else.

TreadingThePrimrosePath · 14/04/2019 21:26

If the OP is a teacher, she can only resign at the end of May, to leave at the end of July. But if she intends to leave teaching altogether, she should talk to the head and negotiate an earlier departure.
Without more information, it’s hard to make useful suggestions, but losing your home would just increase the stress.

MooseHoose · 14/04/2019 21:34

I’d ask your GP if you can be signed off from work for a period while you recover - because you genuinely are ill with stress - and then hand in your notice. The sick leave will count towards the notice period. Your health is already suffering and that needs to come first. I had to do this in a job which caused utterly intolerable levels of stress (two colleagues had breakdowns) and I also had a three month notice period and was allowed to leave only a month into the notice period because they just wanted to replace me and not pay sick pay.

Is your partner genuinely still worried about money or does he not really understand how bad your health is becoming? Perhaps a doctor vouching for this might drive home the reality.

Polarbearflavour · 14/04/2019 21:46

Why are we assuming that the OP is a teacher? Qualified teachers earn more than 21k.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 14/04/2019 22:01

YANBU. DH must be bringing home around £2300 a month so you're still £800 up without your salary.

7 years ago I was making £39k with similar outgoings once you factor in commute and other costs I was just about saving £250 pm

The thought of supporting another person and myself in that situation (with 7 years inflation factored in) would have had me taking sleeping pills, Valium, beta blockers etc.

I just don’t think it’s fair to ask this of her partner...

jayritchie · 14/04/2019 22:25

How long might it take you to find another job at the same pay level? I'd guess its far easier in London than, say, Middlesborough. To me that makes a lot of difference. Anyway, I;m more on the side of leaving, having a stress free time during your notice period and then hitting the job hunt hard.

TreadingThePrimrosePath · 14/04/2019 22:53

I was wondering about her being an NQT, not assuming. Based on the long period of notice, the salary and the level of misery, depression and medication.

Youseethethingis · 14/04/2019 23:03

I wonder what kind of serious physical illness it would take for posters to believe that OPs DP, in the spirit of love and partnership, should be supporting her during her time of need?

stanski · 14/04/2019 23:22

Hand in notice and start interviewing. Even if it's three months now, it will reduce daily and you'll b fine by the time it comes

CalleighDoodle · 14/04/2019 23:28

NQTs are on £23,720

atm your wage should be totally extra. your dh can cover everything. so save every penny, while looking for other jobs, then quit when you have savings in place.

NutMeghan · 14/04/2019 23:31

Can you find a part time job on weekends or get agency temp work while looking for work?

I would be concerned about resigning and bringing in zero money.

I think a good compromise would be that you are able to bring in around £80-100 a week to cover your basics while job hunting.

RomanyQueen1 · 14/04/2019 23:34

What you earn is irrelevant if you can afford to live. Can you manage on his wage, if so give up work until you are better, your health is more important. I'm sure you'd do the same if reversed.

Butterymuffin · 14/04/2019 23:41

As pp have said, sign up with a temp agency, hand in your notice and if nothing permanent comes up by the time you finish, temp until it does.

Jiggles101 · 14/04/2019 23:49

That's a ridiculous amount of medication to be on, sorry. Valium and beta blockers daily? As well as antidepressants?

Have you had any interviews for other positions yet? I do think it's unreasonable and irresponsible to quit without having something else lined up. What would you do if you were single?

Procrastination4 · 15/04/2019 00:28

New job first, I’d say, is the obvious way to go. £21,000 is not to be sniffed at. If your DP wanted to quit, what would you say to him?

BIWI · 15/04/2019 00:32

While I'd be sympathetic about the stress you're under, if I were your DP I'd also want you to find another job before you resign. I wouldn't like the responsibility for the mortgage (and other household bills) on my own.

Imadehimlikethat · 15/04/2019 00:47

Speak to GPand get signed off sick.
Keep job hunting whilst you're off.
Tell new employers it's a months notice, tell work you're handing in your. Notice and finishing a month's time and my guess it they'll moan but won't do anything about it.

Ultimately you partner cant make or stop you doing anything. If it's making you this ill, then you need to take action

Lilybetsey · 15/04/2019 00:52

The bottom line is can you afford it ? Do you have savings for the unexpected ? I’m stressed to fuck too, but I can’t quit my job or go part time because I have to pay my bills and support three children ....

If you are financially secure , then by all means quit and look for an alternative... if not, then I agree with your husband , you need another job before you leave this one ...

LellyMcKelly · 15/04/2019 00:54

If you are ill, you are ill. Take sick leave. Go to your GP and ask him to sign you off. If you are well enough to work, then you should work. You shouldn’t need to ask your partner to support you. You can still work and look for a new job.

LovelyJubbly67 · 15/04/2019 00:56

I agree re: notice period, I was once in a job with a 3-month notice period (on paper) but EVERYONE left with a month's notice, anything more than that is UNENFORCEABLE.

HeddaGarbled · 15/04/2019 01:04

Agree with PPs, if you’re on that level of medication, your GP will sign you off sick.

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