To stop calling him to stimulate desire in him?

[User123456789012]

I hope someone can help me. I’ve been close to a male friend for a number of months and have found myself thinking about him more and more. I suspect that I have feelings for him and want to be more than friends. The problem is, my realisation has coincided with him pulling away a bit. I feel like it’s always me who calls him these days. I really like this guy and want to trigger more desire from him.

WIBU to stop calling him, give him loads of space so that, if he wants to he can chase me?

In retrospect I think it’s probably obvious that I’m keen and I do have a tendency to chase men.

How can I turn things around to give this a fighting chance?

I’m not normally a game player but if there’s any hints or tips of how I can get this rather shy guy to chase me then please do say!

I don’t want to ask him out myself because in my experience every relationship that I have initiated in that way has failed. I really want him to be the one who chases and leads on this.

Sorry but if he was interested, you’d know.

Stop before he gets a restraining order against you.

I think he is interested. He’s interested but shy. He’s said things that make me think he’s interested but then I think maybe I scared him off a bit. He’s very traditional.

Whether or not you think he’s interested or whether he’s good for me, I’m keen to know how I can stimulate desire in him. Would cooling off give him space to move forward?

Yep, if he was interested, he wouldn't be pulling away from you - at worst, he'd be maintaining the same level of contact, it certainly wouldn't be less.

I think you need to back off from him - not to make him miss you, but for your own sake. Chasing somebody who isn't interested in you is crap for your self esteem!

Urm how often are you calling him?

My advice would be to leave him be, if he wants to spend time with you he'll be in touch.

In the meantime busy yourself with acquiring a new skill, pastime, hobby.

What? He’s my mate. We spend all day every day together at uni. If he didn’t want to be friends we could just not meet up but I feel like it’s always me who calls him first or suggests doing extra stuff outside of uni.

OK, if you're determined to see if you can stimulate some desire in him, then yes, back off and see what he does, it won't do any harm. At least you'll know either way.

Sorry OP, I would take this as a sign that he is not interested in being more than friends. I suspect that you've made your feelings obvious and he has withdrawn because he doesn't feel the same way.

Time to look elsewhere, no point in game-playing or spending time chasing someone who is not interested.

I really like this guy and want to trigger more desire from him.

This is not how relationships work. This is manipulation. If he wants you, he needs to want you for himself, not because you've done something to 'trigger his desire'. That's not going to lead anywhere good.

But also, definitely stop calling him.

Tbh stimulating desire sounds a bit medical process.

My last comment was to the person implying I’m stalking him.

I think he is interested. He’s interested but shy.

Said every stalker ever.

I’m keen to know how I can stimulate desire in him.

have you tried lurking on the DM comments pages ? I can guarantee on every single item, there is a Love Spell Caster

He's pulling away = He's not into you.
You can't make him want you so please stop embarrassing yourself.

^^why?

Sorry - he just not that into you, the fact it’s always you and never him tells the story. He’s with you all day because you’re in the same uni/uni mates. He never initiated anything out uni, why would you think he was interested? I would pull back if I were you. Sorry

Can't you just tell him how you feel?
And ask him how he feels?

I couldn't be doing with playing games and wondering and waiting for him to make the 1st move! How tedious

Do something else to distract you from him such as joining an ex recuse class.

Exercise

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Why? Can’t I ask this kind of thing? I don’t get it.

I’m not trying to manipulate him. I just like I guy and wonder if he could like me back if I cooled it off a bit.

It might 'stimulate desire' in him momentarily but then you'll be in a relationship with a man who needs you to fuck off for unspecified lengths of time in order to want you. Not a fun cycle to get trapped in, take it from me.

Did you have a parent who rejected you emotionally OP? If so it might be a good idea to get some therapy so you can get to a place where you want a relationship with someone who is emotionally available and willing to do 50% of the running.

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Why? Can’t I ask this kind of thing? I don’t get it.

You and me both - nothing in my post was rude, sweary, dismissive etc.

IME there's nothing you can do to make someone want a relationship with you, unless you actively try to manipulate them, and that's not a healthy basis for anything. I agree with PP - if he was interested in taking the relationship further with you, he wouldn't be backing off. If I was you I'd either have an open conversation with him about it if I thought he was interested in me in the same way, or I'd back off and decide whether I wanted to remain friends if I thought he wasn't.