To be a little p-ed off?!

[wondering24]

I've just had 6 months off on maternity leave. When I was at work, my in-laws had my toddler every Wednesday and asked to carry on this arrangement whilst I was on mat leave.

It was great situation for all as it meant I got 1:1 time with the new baby, my toddler got a day of undivided grandparent love and everyone was happy.

I went back to work last week (just before the Easter hols- I'm a teacher) I asked if they'd have both boys on Wednesdays of the Easter hols so I could sort my classroom/do some planning/prepare myself. They were fine with this.

Anyway, my husband was allowed to split his paternity and has the two weeks after the Easter holidays off with the boys. Anyway, MIL offers today to have both the boys in the Wednesdays he's off so he can 'have some time to himself, go to the gym etc'

WTAF?!? I'm so grateful they've had my oldest and it was at their request, but they've never offered to have both boys whilst I was on mat leave or give me 'time to myself'. I'm not breastfeeding so that's not the reason either. (They will have both boys once I'm we're both back at work)

I'm really peeved by this, I've not had a whole day to myself since the baby was born, yet husband gets 2 days to himself in the 8 days he had to look after our children himself. Am I being an unreasonable bitch?

Yes.. but no, not really!

What does DH say about it? Surely he isn't so daft as to tell you it is nice/fair ror something?

Maybe get 'mentionitis' of how his mum obviously doesn't think he can cope...

YANBU! I take it your husband will turn down thier offer? You know, as he's taking paternity leave to spend with his children.

Maybe they never asked to have both children, as they didn't want to upset you

It was great situation for all as it meant I got 1:1 time with the new baby, my toddler got a day of undivided grandparent love and everyone was happy.

and

I'm really peeved by this, I've not had a whole day to myself since the baby was born, yet husband gets 2 days to himself in the 8 days he had to look after our children himself

make your mind up.

Why has your husband not facilitated a day off for you? Multiple days off in fact.

But aren't you having 2 days to yourself in the Easter hols?

Isn't the whole point of them having them for those 2 Wednesdays that you get time to do your own thing? Not their fault you are planning to do work stuff on those days, they are still "your" days.

I wouldn't get would up about it. I would see it as good practice for them having both boys while your dh is around in case they need him. Then they'll be more prepared when you're both working.

*wound

A bitch? Wow pp.

Thank you for replying, I knew I was being unreasonable, I just needed to hear it.

If I said to my husband I needed a day off, he'd happily oblige, I'm just annoyed that they offered for him but never have for me. No one has ever asked/offered/suggested for me to have a bit of me time and I've never asked.

Yes, I have those 2 days at Easter without the children, but only because I asked, because I need them to get my work stuff together, not to be without my boys.

I've never felt the need to ask for 'days off' and I adore time with my boys, it doesn't mean it wouldn't be nice for someone to say 'would you like a nice day to yourself?'

Yes yabu...his mum can do a nice thing for him if she wants. She wants to see the kids so why not give her son a bit of time out? Because she didn’t do the same for you? You’re not her daughter. She doesn’t have to make it equal. If your own mum gave you a kid-free day off wou;d you expect her to do the same for your dh? Of course not.

Me time? Wait until you’re kids have left home. Plenty time then precious

Ithink I'd be a bit annoyed at the implication that he either cant cope alone for more than a couple of days at a time, most likely because hes a man. Or that his need for a break clearly ranks a lot higher than yours, for them.

But it's not their fault you've not had any child free time in months - surely your husband would be the first port of call for this?

YABY they seem really nice and they help a lot! I don’t understand why you would be mad at them after everything they do for you???

Often grandparents are slated on here for wanting to babysit new babies, maybe they felt wary of suggesting they have the youngest as well? And now you’ve asked them to they know you’re ok with it so have suggested it themselves.

if you wanted a day off, that’s really down to your husband to cover for you, since they’re his kids and all!

I really couldn’t get annoyed about it. You say your DH would be happy to give you a break so just tell him (don’t ask!) you want a day to yourself!

To be honest it sounds to me like a double standard of them thinking of your DH needing a break but not thinking of it for you.

It sounds like you asking if they'd have both whilst you were at work has perhaps prompted them to offer it again - ie perhaps previously it hadn't occurred to them or they didn't think it was okay to offer? I think they're just taking your lead.

There’s actually a big difference between a baby under six months and a baby over six months that is eating food, probably in some sort of routine etc

I wouldn’t look after a under six months baby particularly with a toddler in toe as well.

But you can ask them if they will have both boys in May half term and you can have a lovely restful day to look forward to

If you want time for yourself then ask for it. Don't expect them to read your mind. And besides they are giving you time off. You're just choosing to work during that time. They have done a lot for you so I'd say appreciate that and if you need alone time for yourself arrange it with your husband. Many mothers wouldn't want to part with their very young babies during maternity leave so they might have been reluctant to offer during your maternity leave.

Oh do fuck off @Whitechocandraspberry. Parents are allowed to want to spend some time alone or with other adults before their children become adults. How ridiculous and martyrish to say otherwise.

OP I don't think YABU to be miffed, but your DH is their child. However I do seem to see a trend that dad's need more time to themselves than mum's!

Why can't you ask your husband if you want some me-time?

Do you have a mum you could ask? My mil might not offer because she wouldn’t want to inadvertently offend and dh is her precious one!!

Yeah I reckon as pp said now you've asked them to have the youngest one too they know you're alright with it, so it's now open season on grandsons. But I can see why you're peeved and the peevation might rear its head again if come half term they don't make the offer to you!