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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is he trying to make me jealous or just stating facts without thinking too much into it

34 replies

Hungrymamabear · 14/04/2019 13:08

Started seeing someone. An old flame from the past to be exact. No sexual stuff as of yet which I'm fine about. We talk over phone a hell of a lot, average of 4 hours a day, sometimes in one go. We were talking about past ect and he brings up that he used to go round to his exes sit with her family have dinner together ect. He went in saying her dad shook his hand, her mum adored him ect. can't help but feel gutted and jealous because I never had that with him and he knows that's what I want now. Officiallness (is that a word?)

OP posts:
araiwa · 14/04/2019 13:10

Tell him to run. Far and fast

BirdieInTheHand · 14/04/2019 13:12

The talking for 4 hours should be a red flag IMO. It's such odd behaviour before you even get to the fact that he's clearly rubbing your face in his past.

SheeshKebab · 14/04/2019 13:23

I think he's just talking about past experiences. I wouldn't think anything of it.

megrichardson · 14/04/2019 13:25

If he knows what you want, do you know what he wants?

Original poster
Hungrymamabear · 14/04/2019 14:42

We've spoken about what we want. He wants to live with me but hes currently caring for his df so his time would obv be split into two as such

OP posts:
Motoko · 14/04/2019 14:58

How long have you been together? You say you've started seeing someone (implying it's a new relationship) yet he's already saying he wants to live with you?
How long were you together before, and why did you split?

slashlover · 14/04/2019 15:07

Surely it's a good thing that he was still able to be friends with his ex and her family? Means that he probably wasn't an absolute bastard to her when they split.

How long have you been back together?

TheNewSchmoo · 14/04/2019 15:12

Nothing sexual yet and he's talking of moving in.....

MRex · 14/04/2019 15:22

I think you've massively overblown a comment that's pointless and meaningless. So he had dinner with a family and shook someone's hand - and!?!?! You see how meaningless that is?

What was the context in saying "her mum adored him?" though? If it was a lighthearted "everyone loves me including" then fine, but otherwise it sounds like he's trying to influence you. Why have you talked about living together when you aren't even having sex? Why did you break up before and how long were you together for? Those bits of your story make me nervous for you.

LetsDoThisAgain · 14/04/2019 15:45

He wants to move in when you haven't even had sex yet? Yeah, run.

Bravelurker · 14/04/2019 16:38

It seems like one of those situations where it seems like minor things at first but when it all goes wrong and you look back and think wtaf was that? Did he just needed somewhere else to live without having to pay mortgage /rent himself.

I may be projecting there BTW as I was love bombed and then ended up not being able to remove him from my home for about a year after we broke up.

DianaT1969 · 14/04/2019 17:00

What did you think when he suggested moving in with you?? What did you say?

auntykara · 14/04/2019 17:02

I may have completely missed the mark but it sounds like he's hinting that he wants to meet your family?

My ex spoke a lot about his exes family and how supportive they were of his business. There was only so much "aw that's nice" I could say. He eventually asked why he hadn't met my family, was I ashamed of him etc. To be fair, I was Blush

aintnothinbutagstring · 14/04/2019 17:04

Who can be bothered to talk for four hours a day? What the hell do you find to talk about Confused

Singlenotsingle · 14/04/2019 17:05

That's a bit worrying to think he's talking about moving in with you already! Tell him you'd rather move in with him and see what the reaction is!

FlashingLights101 · 14/04/2019 17:06

Do you mean that he used to have dinner at his ex's when they were together, or after they'd split up?

If it's first, that's pretty normal and if he's saying he wants to live in with you, surely all that will.come anyway.

If it's the latter, that's a bit more awkward, but not the end of the world if they're still.on good terms. Depends on whether it's going to be ongoing.

Original poster
Hungrymamabear · 15/04/2019 19:37

Dinner at exes when they were together obv!
We were together 7 Years on and off. Been apart for 5 years. At the time we were just moving at different paces I guess

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 15/04/2019 19:38

What was he like when you were together?

Why did you split up?

Did you not hear the cocklodging klaxon when he said he wanted to move in?

KC225 · 15/04/2019 19:45

Did you live together before? How old are you? Have he ever lived on his own or flatshare situation?

DearTeddyRobinson · 15/04/2019 19:56

4 hours on the phone? Don't you have jobs??

Motoko · 15/04/2019 20:28

An on and off relationship is never good news. There were fundamental reasons you were like that, and eventually split for good (until now), and they're unlikely to have changed. You'll just end up following the same pattern.

Original poster
Hungrymamabear · 15/04/2019 21:51

He currently lives with his dad as he is his part time carer. Jobs? Myself no currently sahm but have interviews lined up in the upcoming weeks. And he works nights.
Don't see what relevance age is. When we were on and off obv we were alot younger and focuses were partying ect

OP posts:
Motoko · 15/04/2019 22:18

Is he expecting you to keep the kids quiet while he's sleeping after his shifts?

Look, to an outsider, this relationship really doesn't look good, and how's he going to care for his dad if he's living with you?

Original poster
Hungrymamabear · 16/04/2019 02:29

Temp living between houses. His nightshifts finish in a few weeks when contract finishes

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 16/04/2019 02:35

You and your house sound very convenient OP

I'd tread carefully with him